Is it actually 'just fun'

[Oliveoiled]

This is quite long but I really need some perspective so please bare with me!
So I met someone last year through their job, I was, and still am a client. It's to do with business advisory and such.
We started texting each other a lot and it progressed from there really and we started spending more time together. I'll point out the ages, I'm not sure if it's relevant but it could be, I'm 25 and he's 45 so a 20 year age gap.
Basically yesterday was the first time we properly slept together and I'm so confused, we spoke about it before hand and I said I was a bit nervous and stuff and he was just like it's fine, no pressure, this is only a bit of fun. This has been said before as well about what we're doing.
The confusion comes from I feel like I really like him and some of his behaviours are really contradicting as to if he actually likes me or not.
Examples are he messages me daily, always saying good morning how's your day etc and we also message every night. He's always giving me compliments but not your usual sexual stuff, like paragraphs telling me I'm extremely beautiful, funny, free spirited and exciting.
He also comes to see me a few times during the week when nothing sexual is involved just for coffee and a chat and he always kisses me goodbye and stuff.
I don't know if he does like me more then he's saying? The contact just seems so much for 'just fun' I don't really know what to do or say, I don't wanna talk about it an make a fool of myself if it is just that. On the other hand if nothing is going to come of this then I want to cut it off now as I do really like him.
I know it's long and I sound a bit daft, sorry!

Your text to him was really weak, basically saying "I really really like you and want to get more serious" in the guise of wanting to end it.

Let's assume he's single: he's still way older than you (there are plenty of decent younger men), behaved unprofessionally and (IMO) sleazily.

I really, really hope it's your employer and not you personally who are paying him.

If he had sole charge of his DC this weekend he could simply have said so in the text.

You are very trusting harmless chap. Didn't he say he was in a meeting today? No mention of the children.

She doesn't actually have to go over there, his reaction will tell her all she needs to know.

You can have a meeting and also pick kids up later.......

Yes I a quite trusting but then I find most people aren't outright liars. I have lots of male friends who are split from their kids mum, the chances that they have their kids with them at some point over a weekend is remarkably high.......... More so even on the Saturday before mother's day than mother's day itself.

OP do what you want! His saying he just wanted 'fun' could just be that's he's been hurt in the recent past, still cautious after the breakdown of his marriage, is considering implications for introducing you to his children, (who may be closer to you in age?) any number of things or most likely, just what he said in his reply! Maybe he genuinely can't believe his lucky stars in meeting an unattached, young, vibrant, woman whose not cynical about life.

I don't think you should let the age gap put you off, if you both genuinely like each other. Life is short, and you may spend 20 happy years together. Even if it all eventually went south, that would still be more than many people have.

Why don't you see what he says, and then play it by ear? When you get into the dating game there is no foolproof way to avoid the risk of getting hurt, everything is a chance. And if he's honest about what he said regarding how he feels, the future looks potentially brighter rather than duller. I put more store by actions than words. Up till now he's made you happy. I think the "fun" thing is due to one of the factors above.

Best of luck!

I only said those things as I thought that's what you wanted to hear

There is something rather insulting about this. Patronizing and manipulative and infantalizing (you must be too delicate or stupid to be on the level of his real thoughts). So who is the real him, since all the mirroring talk is fake-fake? That gives a big discount to all the nice-nice. I agree with pps who say this is a seduction exercise: Dump-dump.

Maybe he feels too old to start over with a three year old?
How old are his dc?
Maybe he knows his exw would cause grief regarding him seeing his dc?
Maybe the reasons he split with his exw are still applicable and doesn't want to commit to the op?

...or he may be telling the truth, and he may have a real, work meeting....not all men are liars, and sometimes the most simple explanation, is true.

Talk to him!!! Don't let people who have never met him (or you!) put you off!

Just talk it through with him. I think ppl are jumping to conclusions here about a wife etc so work out what you want to do and talk to him!! As a pp said, me and DP started out as a long distance but of fun which i expressly told him wasn't going anywhere on our first date. That was 17 yrs ago and we're still together

Good luck op 💐

Definitely married

He's sort of suited to you on paper, being a parent himself. Some childfree 25y men would find your DD offputting, or would be tolerant initially but wouldn't be happy to take second place when it came to the crunch. However, this particular man sounds a bit "off". The arms length thing is worrying. Like other posters, I also find middle-aged men who chase twentysomething women, a bit creepy.

The confusion comes from I feel like I really like him and some of his behaviours are really contradicting as to if he actually likes me or not.

I think your confusion comes from the assumptions of a twenty something, i.e. if he likes me he will want to settle down into a long term relationship eventually living together and marrying, maybe have kids and a mortgage.

Let's assume he is not a liar. He is divorced. He has children. He is middle-aged. He is a professional. He is interested in having a bit of fun with you but not in having a relationship where your lives are intertwined. He has been pretty clear about that.

This is fully compatible with really liking you, for a man at his stage of life (he has finished being married, he already has children, a house, an established profession).

If you can't handle that being the full extent of your relationship, it's your problem not his.

keep your eyes open, keep your guard up but also give it a chance

I'd go with that, if you can OP. Definitely keep your guard up but perhaps see if what he was saying is true. I can think of many reasons why he's unable to phone this morning, and not all of them are "he's married".

But do tread very carefully. I think also it's worth talking to him about the age gap. Do you want more kids in the future? Does he? Be very careful and aware that he might be playing you but I think age gap or not, it's probably worth seeing if he's serious or not.

Agree with runrabbit.
It's possible we haven't heard other relevant information, but OP, you didn't answer when I asked if he was ever available if you texted him to arrange things. Or have you just been leaving the running around to him?
It's also a bit odd that he doesn't tell you what he's doing when he's unavailable - I would have thought this was just part of normal conversation ie. I have a meeting then the kids with me. So I'll call you when I can.
Unless he does this and you just haven't mentioned, it looks as if he's wanting to keep you somewhat separate from his life for some reason.