OH GOD! Contacted OW!

[BitterHarvest]

OH God! It seemed like a good idea after a lonely glass of wine last night. Now I'm regretting this.

My OH had a sex texting thing from some woman on the internet 4 years ago. I found out we worked through it. But I am not ashamed to say I have made him work for forgiveness and I'm not entirely sure I trust him now.

He recently changed his phone to a new network etc and gave me his old one. I just kept it as was and kept his number.

Got a text yesterday at Lunchtime.

"Hey sexty! Haven't heard from you an a looooooooong while. What you at 2day?"

I have had this phone since Christmas and this is the first message I have got. At the time I found out about her I found out she has. Boyfriend where he works and who her family are (open Facebook profile)

So last night in reply I sent a message saying Who I was and that I'd forwarded her message screen shot to her Boyfriend and her family..........I didn't, but I wanted to make her shake the way I did when inreceived her message.

Now I feel shit. I always felt I maintained a high ground when I wasn't even acknowledging her and in truth I'd forgotten about her. Do I need to tell OH what I did? I do don't I? 😒

Feel a bit crap today for doing that.

So sorry Op, what a day but glad it seems perfectly innocent on his part. Nasty that it's dragged up past hurt for you though.

In the interests of openness, why did he not tell you about it and show you his polite response?

Thank him for telling you now, but point out that keeping this from you was wrong.

Ok OP in that case she's a nasty cheat and deserves her comeuppance. I'm glad all ok with you and DH. It's nice when there's a happy ending 🙂🎉

I don't think she will be contacting you again but just block her number to be sure.

I had a message from an ex BF a few years ago. We'd periodically encountered each other on FB but nothing beyond liking each other's statuses and the like. He was ex because I'd left the country and the relationship naturally ended iyswim.

So anyway, I got this message out of nowhere saying that he'd been thinking about me all weekend and was I ok? I replied yes. Then he went on to say was I sure? Because he often has these urges to contact people when he senses all is not well in their world. I messaged back and said that yes I was ok, had been through a rough time because of divorce eighteen months previous but that I'd met someone now and was very happy. And I'm sure he was happy with his DW. He then messaged back and said that it was God who had told him to message me. . . Bloody bizarre. He's recently unfriended me because I didn't copy/paste one of those emotive "if you hate cancer/mental illness/ copy and paste this, and anyone who doesn't is a heartless bastard and not a true friend...." Statuses.... Oh, and he's now heading towards his fourth marriage and he's only just 40. .

Glad that things are ok now OP. TBH I would probably step away from this thread now as there will still be people who are adamant that dh is lying/covering/must still. Be in touch with OW etc etc.

Glad that you have had a good answer on this OP and it really does sound like he is being truthful - why else would he give you his mobile?! I know you are feeling a bit bad about messaging the OW but frankly she needs to bugger off so personally I think its quite good you did!!

Urgh she sounds like a nasty lil fleabag.

He should definitely have told you about the birthday message, but what he says rings true. Also, the faux-casual "loooong while" thing smacks of a hopeful fishing expedition. If they'd sexted recently the text would have been more explicit and less adolescent I think. I feel very sorry for her partner but you're ok imo.

Yeah I think he's being honest. Probably too scared to tell you about the bday message for fear of upsetting things, but he should have done.

She's a scrote.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt OP. She does sound like a real cunt though. Trying it on with an ex, and (potentially) cheating on her current b/f. Piece of shit. Good luck to you and your man... I wish you well. Do block the bitch's number though.

You did exactly the right thing. You left a horse's head under the bottom end of her duvet.

But don't go looking for a black cat in a coal cellar that left yesterday. It isn't there.

sleepingtiger best post I've read in a long time, fab phrasing a beautiful summing-up! Chuckling to myself 😄

I totally believe that your OP is not in contact with her to be honest.

To give you a phone, with that number, demonstrated that he had nothing to hide. Or that he was monumentally, fantastically and epically stupid. Given that he has been open about everything else including passwords etc. I would suggest the former.

My ex from 15years ago contacts me out of the blue every couple of years - usually when he has fucked up with his latest love. (he was violent and emotionally abusive).

I've never responded- but he e-mails my very old hotmail address which i occasionally dip in to, or sends me a pm on facebook.

I think the fact your OH gave you his old phone means he has nothing to hide, tbh.

I got the Godfather reference but I don't get the black cat and coal cellar one.

Nor me..................

...........so can you fill us in, SleepingTiger, or WelliesAndPyjamas?

Dont feel guilty for one minute. She deserved it.

I thought that the black cat in a coal cellar was about the fact that a coal cellar is very black due to coal being black and therefore a very hard place to find a black cat.

Combined with left yesterday means that it isnt there now and therefore trying to find evidence of continued contact is going to be very hard because it isnt there?

Its very hard to find a thing that is, in of itself, very hard to find, especially when it is not there.

She was on a fishing expedition. She clearly hasn't got it through her thick head that he's no longer interested.

I doubt she'll make contact again after your reply and I bet she feels like a right idiot now. ...She'd be right to think so too.

Oh, I see. So I guess the comment was saying, well done for putting the fear of God (or Vito Corleone) into her, but don't worry about the affair being ongoing because it isn't.

I'm inclined to agree. He gave OP his phone and that's the number OW had for him, and OW even said it had been a long time. Doesn't sound like he had anything to hide. It sounds to me as though her relationship has ended or is in trouble, so she's hitting up blasts from the past. Whenever I hear from an ancient boyfriend out of nowhere, that's always why.

Why did he not block her number? Especially if she's messaged him twice before?

If she used an unfamiliar number how did op know it was her when the text came through?