OH GOD! Contacted OW!

[BitterHarvest]

OH God! It seemed like a good idea after a lonely glass of wine last night. Now I'm regretting this.

My OH had a sex texting thing from some woman on the internet 4 years ago. I found out we worked through it. But I am not ashamed to say I have made him work for forgiveness and I'm not entirely sure I trust him now.

He recently changed his phone to a new network etc and gave me his old one. I just kept it as was and kept his number.

Got a text yesterday at Lunchtime.

"Hey sexty! Haven't heard from you an a looooooooong while. What you at 2day?"

I have had this phone since Christmas and this is the first message I have got. At the time I found out about her I found out she has. Boyfriend where he works and who her family are (open Facebook profile)

So last night in reply I sent a message saying Who I was and that I'd forwarded her message screen shot to her Boyfriend and her family..........I didn't, but I wanted to make her shake the way I did when inreceived her message.

Now I feel shit. I always felt I maintained a high ground when I wasn't even acknowledging her and in truth I'd forgotten about her. Do I need to tell OH what I did? I do don't I? 😒

Feel a bit crap today for doing that.

Well done, you played her brilliantly. You don't need to tell him, he didn't tell you when he was contacting her.

The fact that he gave you his phone I think indicates that this person was no big deal to him and that he hasn't done anything else to encourage her. It is possible her text could have come out of the blue - she did say she hadn't heard from him in a very long while. Don't worry at all about your message you sent to her - she deserved it, the meddling cow! That should all go silent now, wouldn't you think? So, absolutely no reason to tell him. That could just stir up things for you. Keep quiet, and let's hope that's what she does now too. Hope you are able to feel better about this soon.

It's a shame really (too late now,) but it's a shame that the OP hadn't thought outside the box, and pretended she was her partner, and played along, to see what the (ex) OW would say.

I hope the posters are right who are saying she is probably just drunk texting and trying her luck. But I sadly doubt it; why has she even got his number still? Why has he got hers? I can't believe this is the first contact between them in four years.

Doesn't sound good to me. Sorry OP.

The fact that he gave you his phone I think indicates that this person was no big deal to him and that he hasn't done anything else to encourage her.

Actually Shematt has a good point. I had forgotten that the OP's partner had given her the phone. If there WAS still something going on, he wouldn't have let her have it would he?

Sorry OP, I revise what I said, I don't think he IS up to something!!!

But I think SHE is.

So be careful and keep an eye on the situation. It looks like she is after him. I hope you have fucked up her life though; I mean, she was quite happy to do it to you.

Good for you OP - I would have done the same and thrown in a few choice curses as well.

Clearly she is sending out feelers for a shag with your H - but I don't agree that this means things have been carrying on the whole time. It reads like they have been out of touch.

Out of interest, why would you NOT tell the DP?

You really should have forwarded the text to her bf.
I would be worried that he was still in contact and that he had told her his new number and she had texted his old one by mistake. That message sounds to me like a reply message.

If it is not a reply message (and it does sound like it may well be), the very least he should have done was to have the conversation with her years ago.
The conversation about ceasing all contact. He really should have done that.

Definitely NOT BU hun. In fact, you wouldn't have BU to actually forward the text as per your threat.

I definitely would be speaking to your H though, it's a bit strange after 4 years (supposedly). I wouldn't be surprised if they've been in contact more recently. In fact, you have her number, ask her?

Your H's reaction will be a tell too. If he's unusually sheepish or acting odd then she could have told him what she's done. And his reaction to you telling him will say a lot.

Sorry this is all being dragged back up

I agree with LesisMiserable.

Who gives a phone away and doesn't transfer their number? Weird.

You really should have forwarded the text to her bf. I would be worried that he was still in contact and that he had told her his new number and she had texted his old one by mistake. That message sounds to me like a reply message.

This by aderyn. ^

I am a bit worried now (thinking about it,) that they may be in touch, and she has his new number, but has texted his old one in error.

That said, it makes no sense that he would give you his old phone if he was still in touch with her.

So I think I will stick by what I said last; I think maybe SHE is up to something, but he isn't........

You really need to talk to him OP. But give him a few days to mention it to you.

Also, just a thought, could it be that she texted him in error, and the text was not meant for your OP?

The more I think about it, the more I don't think HE is up to anything.

I hope it turns out OK, and the text was not meant for your man.

You haven't done anything wrong though.

You really should have forwarded the text to her bf. I would be worried that he was still in contact and that he had told her his new number and she had texted his old one by mistake. That message sounds to me like a reply message.

100% this. Sorry, OP-

I don't think you did anything wrong.

It looks like a reply text to me. I would wager he's text her from his new phone, she's saved the new number without deleting the old and replied to the wrong one.

X post with others who had the same idea. Such a slow typer!

You were feeling angry and hurt, so you acted on that. It's okay, it makes you human. It's easy to look back in retrospect and say, maybe it'd have been better if I hadn't done that. But it's done now. I'd forgive yourself, if you can.

I don't blame you, I would've done the same!

it makes no sense that he would give you his old phone if he was still in touch with her.

It's not a massive leap to assume he didn't even think of this when he gave the OP his phone. Most people are too stupid/short sighted to make good liars/deceivers.

are you sure it's her (from 4 years ago) and not A.N. Other?

Aside from that, I'd definitely not alert him....wait and see, how he reacts.
I do think if he got a new number then it's just fishing on MsSexter's behalf....she sent her text to the wrong number ...the number she still has.
If it was a reply, then it would surely have gone as a reply to his new phone and not to his old number

That's not a message you send after 4 years no contact, it's either someone else or a continuation on before, maybe they've not spoken since Christmas but no way 4years.

Sorry OP

It's not a massive leap to assume he didn't even think of this when he gave the OP his phone. Most people are too stupid/short sighted to make good liars/deceivers.

Very true.

Plus, sending this after 4 years? Not buying it. Sorry :(

Thank you all for the replies. I'm a bit shocked. I never thought that they would still be in touch.

He's in bed now because he's got Man flu. His phone is on charge in the office so I'm going to look and see if her number is on it. I just can't see it because since we had that "blip" he has had no secret passwords or emails we are trying to have total transparency.

I'm shaking so I just need to get myself together before I go and check. 😔

She contacted you first. She deserves it. 😊

You could put the number into the Facebook search bar and her profile will come up. X

Don't feel bad for responding. I'd be concerned that it hadn't been 4 years since contact though.

'You had a message today from OW.' Then nothing further may be a good way to see how much he spills, if you wanted to query it with him. But personally i would be snooping rather than prewarning him.