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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OH GOD! Contacted OW!

125 replies

BitterHarvest · 14/03/2017 08:21

OH God! It seemed like a good idea after a lonely glass of wine last night. Now I'm regretting this.

My OH had a sex texting thing from some woman on the internet 4 years ago. I found out we worked through it. But I am not ashamed to say I have made him work for forgiveness and I'm not entirely sure I trust him now.

He recently changed his phone to a new network etc and gave me his old one. I just kept it as was and kept his number.

Got a text yesterday at Lunchtime.

"Hey sexty! Haven't heard from you an a looooooooong while. What you at 2day?"

I have had this phone since Christmas and this is the first message I have got. At the time I found out about her I found out she has. Boyfriend where he works and who her family are (open Facebook profile)

So last night in reply I sent a message saying Who I was and that I'd forwarded her message screen shot to her Boyfriend and her family..........I didn't, but I wanted to make her shake the way I did when inreceived her message.

Now I feel shit. I always felt I maintained a high ground when I wasn't even acknowledging her and in truth I'd forgotten about her. Do I need to tell OH what I did? I do don't I? 😒

Feel a bit crap today for doing that.

OP posts:
greeeen · 14/03/2017 09:08

I also doubt he cut contact. Not really relevant but she also sounds ridiculous in that message, what does the last bit even mean?

APlaceOnTheCouch · 14/03/2017 09:12

Don't tell him. You drunkenly replied to a text. He had an inappropriate relationship with another women (whether four years ago or more recently). If you tell him, somehow he will try to make your actions worse than his. They're not.
As PPs have said, I would wait and see if he mentions it.

Thinkingofausername1 · 14/03/2017 09:15

I honestly doubt they've cut contact. No one just sends a random text like that after four years. You have every right to be suspicious and I would hold out saying anything to him for now. I would have text back pretending to be my dh and see how long it lasted before I revealed who it really was Texting ha ha

Elendon · 14/03/2017 09:16

I'd be checking for skid marks in his pants now.

It's done now. Don't tell him! Keep as your little secret. After all he kept his little secret to himself.

daisychain01 · 14/03/2017 09:16

I'd encourage them to rekindle their love for each other and FO at their earliest convenience.

Saves you the bother of LTB'ing him

ohtheholidays · 14/03/2017 09:16

Don't tell him!

Your the one in control now,just watch and wait and see if his behaviour changes,that should tell you all you need to know and if she contacts you again just ignore her!

littlenicky61 · 14/03/2017 09:21

Surely if he is not still in touch with her then theres no way he will find out . I would wait this one out for a bit a see what happens

MapMyMum · 14/03/2017 09:25

I wouldnt tell him, if he has nothing to do with her anymore then he doesnt need to know.
I also think if there was any chance he thought shed text you then he would have insisted you change the number or at least made sure ow had his new number. However Id be watching very carefully to see how he acts now, especially if you dont say anything and he starts to act odd then he has got the information from somewhere

Miserylovescompany2 · 14/03/2017 09:25

It's done now. Let her deal with the aftermath. Even if it is just the mere thought of having everyone know?

Was it a NSA? Sort of thing? (Fine for singles, NOT people supposed to be in committed relationships)

Sounds like a phishing attempt to test the water? She got more than she bargained for...

Littledidsheknow · 14/03/2017 09:25

It's entirely possible that this is the first contact in years.

For one thing, your DH actually gave you the phone that she knew the number of, so it must've been over as far as he was concerned.

For another, she actually says as much: "Haven't heard from you an a looooooooong while"

I'd do nothing other than let her stew, OP. I doubt she'll contact your DH again now.

RachelRagged · 14/03/2017 09:30

Do not fret yourself OP . I would have done the same , only less polite to her .

Olympiathequeen · 14/03/2017 09:30

I would have done the same. She's a bitch.

PickledCauliflower · 14/03/2017 09:31

Is it definitely the same woman that he was texting last time?

Can I ask how he knew her in the first place? You mention that it was a woman from the internet.

Sorry if I am being too nosey.

PickledCauliflower · 14/03/2017 09:34

Sorry, I just read your opening message again.
She has a boyfriend where your partner works? I take it that's how he came to know her.

TupperwareTat · 14/03/2017 09:35

I would forward the screenshot to the other people.

Shes probably been contacting him on his new number, but kept his old number & accidently sent her message to you.

humourless · 14/03/2017 09:37

It's definitely not been four years...

No one sends a text like that after four years.

Only1scoop · 14/03/2017 09:37

I don't think he cut contact completely. Seems a huge coincidence one text after 4 years

Applebite · 14/03/2017 09:39

I agree that 4 years is a long time - however, I got a message from an ex after it had been 5 years and then 2 years later and then again 1 year after that (always when his wife was away Hmm [he cheated on me with her, leopards/spots etc]), and I have 2 friends who are now married to men that they had dated and finished with, who got in touch 3 and 4 years later.

So it's not entirely impossible that she's been thinking about him recently and decided to get back in touch. Don't rush to judge him - but I think you should ask him!

ButtercupChain · 14/03/2017 09:40

Agree with everyone on here.

  1. She's a bitch.
  2. You have done nothing wrong, and you were quite within your rights to do what you did.
  3. There's no need to say anything to him. (yet.) Wait for him to say something.
  4. It has not been 4 years since their last contact.

Finally 5... If he says nothing to you within say, a week, confront him with her text, and ask why she is texting him (supposedly) after four years?

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 14/03/2017 09:40

OP, why on Earth do you feel bad? Hopefully she'll grill her boyfriend about it, let slip and ruin the whole relationship! She knows your partner is in a relationship yet there she goes, trying to get his attention. You owe her nothing, and if it had been me I really would have posted for the world to see (following a few leading/incriminating questions).

PoorYorick · 14/03/2017 09:41

It sounds as though her relationship might have ended so she's going through her little black book for the first time in a while. Don't stress about it.

PollytheDolly · 14/03/2017 09:42

Surely he wouldn't have given her his phone is they were still in contact?

Norfolkgirl1 · 14/03/2017 09:45

You go girl! I don't think you need to tell your OH - up to you, but you've nothing to feel guilty about, and it will make the OW think twice about playing silly games. I'm sure she will be sweating over it, and after all the hurt she and your OH caused you, I think that is sweet. I don't think she will text again - result! It would have served her right if you had forwarded it to the other relevant parties. Hold your head high!

LesisMiserable · 14/03/2017 09:46

A level headed response.

This is a speculative text. Its a "putting the feelers out because I'm bored" text. Nothing more.

You did the right thing.

Dont tell your OH, its irrelevant.

Well handled OP , now dont blow it up, its really nothing.

GabsAlot · 14/03/2017 09:48

wouldbe very risky to give you hi phone if there was a chance she wold text again

however i would wait see if he brings it up or starts acting weird then you'll know if shes warned him

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