It's me or the dog....

[dibdap82]

So after splitting from my boyf of 2 yrs a guy from my past popped up on fb
One thing lead to another and suddenly I went from being newly single to being with someone again!
But it all felt very right and he made me feel like trusting someone again one day could be possible
My barriers were up but I tried to just go with the flow and not let it stop my happiness
He came over, I went to his, we stayed in, we went out, we talked for hours and hours and I honestly thought he was such a lovely guy

I invited him over for a take away last night and he asked if his dog can come...I have a flat and I'm not a dog person so I didn't think his dog would settle in my flat as I have no garden to be able to go out for a wee and it's a flat? but he said he will be fine...well we were talking about where his dog was going to sleep and that day I had gone to pets at home and bought him a big bed and some toys ( he's a large dog) anyway he said he probably won't sleep in the bed he will probably come in bed with us?!
Sorry for any dog people that sleep with their dogs and I want to add here I don't have any problem with people who do !!! but I don't want to sleep with a dog on my bed? When I've stayed at his, his dog sometimes sleeps on the bed...he flicks from the bed to the sofa bed in his room, to the floor but thing is he is sooo loud and constantly licks his bits, scratches, shakes and it keeps me awake ! He's a big dog and there's not much room...i told him this but I didn't expect him to do anything as it's his house! But as this is my flat I didn't want to get into the habit of him sleeping on my bed.
I know it's personal preference but in a new relationship it's very hard
Anyway he left after a 4 hour argument
The argument consisted of me getting a bit upset as I felt horrible and I had to ask him to leave in the end as he didn't seem to let it go and from 8-12 we were having an argument?! I said a month, 6ks in we shouldn't be doing this?
I'm gutted and sad but my mum said he shouldn't have been like hang with me but maybe I hurt his feelings about his dog?

[Toobloodytired]

I won't lie op....I would be binning someone over the fact they kicked off about their dog not sleeping on the bed!

Maybe when telling people he's 37 living at home that he's actually moved out & moved back so he doesn't look as sad as we all thought! Like my ex, still living rent free at mummy's house at 30 years old....people would be right in saying LTB just for that!

And finally it's clear you know him better than we do, so only you can make the LT judgement!
I stayed in a 7 bullshit month relationship simply because 1 argument wasn't worth ending it over, one slap wasn't worth it, being called a fat tramp wasn't worth it!

Obviously yours hasn't said or done the above, however, 6 weeks and a 4 hour argument??

Nope not for me not again!

After 2 weeks, my ex accused me of messaging a guy, called me a whore & said women are only good for sex, I begged him to believe I was different & sat like a fucking wet blanket begging him to prove I wasn't like that! 2 weeks!!!! Il tell you, I won't be a fucking sap again!

Just don't go so easy on him next time he kicks up a fuss, he sounds like he's only happy when he gets his own way!!

[dibdap82]

Fair point but you can't put every fine detail into a post...it's only when questions get asked I clarified

Let's face it my initial post had no question or issue with him living at home

And the issue is how we reacted about the dog sleeping on the bed
Not the fact he insisted on having the dog on the bed...again I've clarified this

Yes it's 6wks only for me so I'm not ready to bin at this stage and I'm sorry but what you've just described that Is awful and I wouldn't have stayed after that treatment!!

But as most people know on here, that it's very easy to judge and say what you would or wouldn't do
Until your in that situation then you don't know

Long short of it I have decided to stay with him...going to see how it goes and yeah your right a 4hr argument is not great but we've spoken loads and let's see if it works out or not....
I certainly will be updating very soon

[Toobloodytired]

Fully agree with you op!

It's easy to tell someone to leave their DP when they haven't got an emotional attachment to them!

Me & my ex only split because he did the "honourable" thing & left me! Ashamed to say it but I believe I'd still be in that very same relationship had he not walked! (Blessing in disguise) yes I do have insanely low self esteem & low confidence, I'd go as far as saying I have absolutely none of either. Yes I am working on it, slowly but surely!! However, that's not what we came to discuss!

It's your relationship, your life, your decision. Most don't come on here looking to "LTB" most simply want to rant!

That's what mumsnet is here for!

[dibdap82]

Thanks toobloodytired

Good for you working on your low self esteem
I feel I hit rock bottom with my last relationship but I feel so much stronger now and apart from the horrible 4 hrs sat it has been a great relationship with this new man so far regardless what others think is good or not - I have been happy with it

He's coming over tomorrow
We've spoke most the day today as ell..
He isn't bringing his dog this time and then he's over again Sunday again without the dog - I'm going out with my friends sat night which I'm really looking forward to so think we have a nice balance so let's just see how things go....
I like him too much to get rid

Also he has booked theatre tickets for next weekend and we are going out in London which I'm really excited about as don't get to go out a lot due to work and lo do only when she's at her dads...

Be interesting to see how things pan out in a few weeks but I def will be updating.....either way.....what will be will be xx

[RubyBluesey]

Never allow my dog upstairs and would def never sleep with her in my bed! She is not that well trained but dogs should sleep downstairs

[robinia]

dibdap - your bf is doing all the right things now. Hopefully this will continue and you will be stronger for having worked through it.
Enjoy him

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

"I read in a paper a vet said not to let dogs in the bedroom, that is how you remain Alpha"

"Dominance theory" was based on a 1930s/1940s study of a pack of unrelated captive wolves (both unnatural) and erroneously linked to domestic dogs. It's been debunked. I hope that paper was very old because otherwise it's worrying that some professionals are still spouting this rubbish.

[Libitina]

He is a relatively new relationship and he comes into your flat and thinks he can dictate that his dog sleeps on your bed? If its his way or the highway in YOUR flat can you imagine how little input you would have if you ever shared a home. He sulked because you wouldnt roll over and do what he told you! Fuck that shit as they say around here.And I'm an animal lover

This. Warning bells would be ringing at the very least.