It's me or the dog....

[dibdap82]

So after splitting from my boyf of 2 yrs a guy from my past popped up on fb
One thing lead to another and suddenly I went from being newly single to being with someone again!
But it all felt very right and he made me feel like trusting someone again one day could be possible
My barriers were up but I tried to just go with the flow and not let it stop my happiness
He came over, I went to his, we stayed in, we went out, we talked for hours and hours and I honestly thought he was such a lovely guy

I invited him over for a take away last night and he asked if his dog can come...I have a flat and I'm not a dog person so I didn't think his dog would settle in my flat as I have no garden to be able to go out for a wee and it's a flat? but he said he will be fine...well we were talking about where his dog was going to sleep and that day I had gone to pets at home and bought him a big bed and some toys ( he's a large dog) anyway he said he probably won't sleep in the bed he will probably come in bed with us?!
Sorry for any dog people that sleep with their dogs and I want to add here I don't have any problem with people who do !!! but I don't want to sleep with a dog on my bed? When I've stayed at his, his dog sometimes sleeps on the bed...he flicks from the bed to the sofa bed in his room, to the floor but thing is he is sooo loud and constantly licks his bits, scratches, shakes and it keeps me awake ! He's a big dog and there's not much room...i told him this but I didn't expect him to do anything as it's his house! But as this is my flat I didn't want to get into the habit of him sleeping on my bed.
I know it's personal preference but in a new relationship it's very hard
Anyway he left after a 4 hour argument
The argument consisted of me getting a bit upset as I felt horrible and I had to ask him to leave in the end as he didn't seem to let it go and from 8-12 we were having an argument?! I said a month, 6ks in we shouldn't be doing this?
I'm gutted and sad but my mum said he shouldn't have been like hang with me but maybe I hurt his feelings about his dog?

Run for the hills op

Honestly I don't like the fact he sleeps with his dog...never have BUT that's because he uses a blanket which completely covers the bed - which would be fine - but he never washes it so all it does is smell of dog...so pointless putting it down ?

We eat our dinner on his bed too
So literally when I'm there we just sit on his bed watching telly, eat dinner on his bed, sleep in the bed and yes I haven't said anything as I've tried not to let it bother me as he's such a nice bloke I don't wanna throw something Away over something I'll get used to
The smell is very pungent but I would say the main thing is the sleep disturbance. But I have thought if it does progress then just change the blanket more often and wash the dog!!! He does really stink bless him

Like the other day he went to me, oh don't touch the left hand side of him...he's rolled in shit....but it's ok the right hand side is fine?!?!
It stunk

See what I mean...I'm happy to be with a dog person I just don't think it needs to be like that
We had a dog growing up
She was lovely and did have a smell
But she has baths and she smelt lovely after! Plus my mum had a blanket down for her which was always washed regularly
And she was actually allowed on the bed
But she was small!
That's the issue...not the dog itself I think xx

He is deranged.

You're massively over thinking this. I suspect that if you carry on with this relationship you'll be walking on eggshells trying not to upset him all the time.

How dare he assume? And once he'd been put right the only correct reaction on his part would be to apologise for assuming (and maybe some embarrassment at being so presumptuous). Head in his hands? Hours of arguments? Refusing affection? He's not lovely. He's luring you in with the 'lovely' stuff but he's already got you dancing around questioning your right to have opinions. 6weeks lost? Just a spring fling if you bow out now.

Bluntness you have that wrong or I've worded it wrong

I love his niece !! I just meant the sleepless nights bit!! Meaning I'm ok with that I just want him to understand I need some sleep!

That's all

I have no problem with a partner having children like you say I have one...

I've met his family as he still lives at home so when he's invited me over his family have been there

He hasn't met any of mine

So when you go to his, you sit and eat on his bed with the shit covered smelly dog, watch TV, have sex, sleep with him and his dog and go home.

And this is prefect because??

Dogs allowed on beds/sofas here. If we stay with relatives we make them stick to dog beds. You are so not being unreasonable but your bf sounds VERY unreasonable.

Wait a minute.... Hold your horses....

He brought the dog even though he lives at home with his mum? the dog didn't need to come, it wouldn't have been left alone????

Have I understood that right?

No, no, no. No.

The man has no boundaries. He should be trying to impress you at this early stage. You should be going out, not sitting on the dog blanket on his bed...

Blimey.

Up your standards OP.

Kr1 I am sad by all this but that cracked me up lol

Err yeah but I mean he cooks me dinner, we don't really go out the bedroom when we are at his as he has a big room and huge en suite bathroom thing at the end of the house and his mums in the other part of the house so yeah we just stay in his room....

But as I say we have gone out! We've done lots date things too

Yes I'm in sweep 6 wks in as I feel I've fallen for him

The lovely comments were before lastnight
Everything he's done has been lovely
He's a gent, he's kind passionate loving respectful but yeah up until last night.....

He messaged me in December initially well fb friend requested me
I re connected with lots old friends which was nice and we've been talking since then as friends but been together for 6 wks so it feels longer x

You went out and bought the dog its own bed. He should have been thanking you for being so thoughtful, not whinging about wanting the dog on the bed. I'm a dog person, but seriously, who does that??
He sounds nuts. And those texts are crazy too. You're already doubting your own perfectly reasonable actions. If you continue with this relationship, he will continue to not compromise and you'll go further down the rabbit hole of thinking that he's right and you're the one who's being a dick. Get out now before you lose yourself.

Pickleme

You've reminded me thank you
So many replies I'm missing some !

Yes the dog has a lovely huge garden and a lovely home with his Mum Which is why I was surprised he wanted to bring him here

I've done nothing but tried to make him feel at home...I was even cuddling him on the floor when he was having his head in his hands motion...I do like the dog incase that hasn't been clear

And the sitting on his bed for me was fine. It was a change of scenery for me instead of my flat when lo is at her dads..quite enjoyed it
As I say we have done other stuff too
Walks on beach, meals out, country park walks with the dog
He probably asks if I wanna go out more than I do so it's very balanced

Far too much drama for 6 weeks in. And as a dog lover there is no way I'd be insisting my dog sleeps on anyone's bed.

Also, dates that consist of sitting on his bed eating dinner and then going to sleep sound crap. This is a new relationship, not an old married couple.

Get rid and buy some scented candles.

Thing is he was so appreciative about the bed...he said it was so sweet
I laid some toys on the bed and the dog went straight to it

And it wasn't that he insisted on having the dog on the bed
He said he probably won't sleep on the dog bed and will come in with us lol as in a lol kinda way ? That's when I thought I better say he can't come on the bed...that's when he appeared to be upset about it. He did say I wouldn't have brought him if I knew...that's what led to the argument as it did make me feel
Silly and I did tell
Him that..he said I should have told him??? But as I said why did he assume he could sleep on my bed?
In his defence coz he sleeps on his and I'm ok with it there?
But no that's where we disagreed!
Sorry but it wasn't my place to tell him by the way your dog can't sleep
On my bed ? But can you see as I'm ok with it there he didn't think I would be ?

When I said I was on the floor cuddling i meant his dog not him! Lol

You seem invested in pointing out how great he is so expect you'll carry on ignoring the red flags. Anyone can be lovely at this early stage. Good luck

Hang on.

I'd thought that he HAD to bring the dog. You're saying he could have just left it at home? But instead chose to inflict it on you and your unsuitable-for-a-dog flat!?

He IS deranged. You're so lucky this has happened 6 weeks in.

Seriously, more red flags than if he was spelling out 'I'm a selfish twat' in semaphore. Run for the hills.

You're six weeks in. It shouldn't be this hard or complicated. And that text is typical blaming,manipulative,it's all your fault and I'm the victim bullshit. It's not going to get any better.

Sorry op, I didn't realise he lived with his mum. I thought he had his own place and took care of his niece at weekends, as well as had to bring the dog as otherwise no one to look after it.

How old is he? He sounds very young.

I'm not sure what you are getting from this relationship, sitting in his room all night like that doesn't sound very pleasant. Dogs do smell and they shouldn't be bathed too often it's not good for their skin, so maybe he doesn't smell it any more, but it doesn't sound very hygienic to not wash the bed blanket.

I don't think you're compatible, you come across as more mature than him.

Seriously, more red flags than if he was spelling out 'I'm a selfish twat' in semaphore. Run for the hills

This

What do you get out of this, what is in this for you?.

This is what its like only 6 weeks in?. I would seriously be questioning why your boundaries are so low along with your relationship bar. Relationships are not supposed to be such hard work honestly.

Get rid of this man now before you become ever more over invested and further into having a codependent relationship with him. You need some time on your own to think about things, not another dead end relationship.

And what WellErr wrote earlier:-
Seriously, more red flags than if he was spelling out 'I'm a selfish twat' in semaphore. Run for the hills

What adult man lives like this? Yuck.

Bluntness yeah he lives with his mum
His mum has her granddaughter every Saturday so that morning she just coming running in his room lol

He's 37 yrs old..........cringe face waiting for wtf comments...lol

I'm 34 and yep I'm deffo more mature
He's back at home after a 3 yr relationship broke down Nov last year

Agree dogs shouldn't be bathed too often I remember that but I don't think he does do it at all...well he does as he told me once but think it's literally been once in 6 wks as he keeps saying he needs a bath etc

Or like the rolling in shit comment
That's not ok lol

Tbf it has been pretty perfect until
I saw some true colours last night
So it's not as though my standards are low...if they were I wouldn't be on here and I wouldn't have asked him to go and would be putting up...but I'm not...

Yeah some rolling in shit and stinky old blanket on the bed issues lol but I've been happy with sitting in his room!! As we've been out too so as I say it's been balanced and I was happy how things were going
I loved being at his

It's all we do when he is here is just chill, which is a little less than I'm at his