It's me or the dog....

[dibdap82]

So after splitting from my boyf of 2 yrs a guy from my past popped up on fb
One thing lead to another and suddenly I went from being newly single to being with someone again!
But it all felt very right and he made me feel like trusting someone again one day could be possible
My barriers were up but I tried to just go with the flow and not let it stop my happiness
He came over, I went to his, we stayed in, we went out, we talked for hours and hours and I honestly thought he was such a lovely guy

I invited him over for a take away last night and he asked if his dog can come...I have a flat and I'm not a dog person so I didn't think his dog would settle in my flat as I have no garden to be able to go out for a wee and it's a flat? but he said he will be fine...well we were talking about where his dog was going to sleep and that day I had gone to pets at home and bought him a big bed and some toys ( he's a large dog) anyway he said he probably won't sleep in the bed he will probably come in bed with us?!
Sorry for any dog people that sleep with their dogs and I want to add here I don't have any problem with people who do !!! but I don't want to sleep with a dog on my bed? When I've stayed at his, his dog sometimes sleeps on the bed...he flicks from the bed to the sofa bed in his room, to the floor but thing is he is sooo loud and constantly licks his bits, scratches, shakes and it keeps me awake ! He's a big dog and there's not much room...i told him this but I didn't expect him to do anything as it's his house! But as this is my flat I didn't want to get into the habit of him sleeping on my bed.
I know it's personal preference but in a new relationship it's very hard
Anyway he left after a 4 hour argument
The argument consisted of me getting a bit upset as I felt horrible and I had to ask him to leave in the end as he didn't seem to let it go and from 8-12 we were having an argument?! I said a month, 6ks in we shouldn't be doing this?
I'm gutted and sad but my mum said he shouldn't have been like hang with me but maybe I hurt his feelings about his dog?

[DonaldStott]

Blimey, sounds like you are dating Shaggy and Scooby Doo!!

[JK1773]

My ex MIL got a dog whilst we were together. We used to dog sit it regularly. Bloody awful thing. Cute dog but spoilt to death! Slept on our bed against my wishes, puked, shat, used to get in the bed. I hated it. Had a party once and I asked ex FIL to leave the dog at home as my nephew (then aged about 6) was very allergic. FIL hit the roof 'that dog is a part of our family and if she's not coming neither are we'. Great! They ruined the day. I know lots of people with animals who don't behave like that. They spent days googling dog allergies etc, saying the dog could never come to our house again and they wish they'd never got her etc. Just absolutely pathetic. I suppose what I'm saying is some pet owners are perfectly fine and sensible, others take things too far. My ex in laws put their dog above anything and everything and to me that's just not right, your OH needs to respect your wishes in your home. I'm not sure why he wants to bring the dog there anyway

[NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom]

The fact you actually eat sat on the stinky bed is seriously making me feel slightly ill, wtf?
I also cannot believe he's 37, nothing you have described about him sounds perfect, sorry.

[MsGameandWatch]

I am a massive dog person but your BF sounds like an ill mannered oik. I wouldn't dream of taking my dog to another persons house and expecting them to allow him to sleep on the bed. Ridiculous. Then to spend four hours trying to get my own way about it because that's what the "argument" was about.

[Smellofpaint]

I had to keep telling my ex the only person who felt affection for his dog was himself. Just because he didn't mind the dog barking every time someone moved, jumping up on people leaving mud and hair, licking the coffee table for crumbs, didn't mean everyone else didn't object.

[loveyoutothemoon]

I agree, regardless of the dog issues, he is being ridiculous and sounds like a knob! 4 hours of trying to prove a point in your house. Get rid!

[Kittencatkins123]

I always sleep with my (clean non shitty very small and quiet) cat on the bed. Once I had a boyfriend who was like 'When I come round I have one rule ()... CAT NAME doesn't sleep in the room'. 'I was like fine, I'll sleep with him upstairs on the sofa then'. Then I broke up with him, for lots of reasons, one of which was you don't get to come round to my flat and have 'rules'. (He wasn't allergic btw but he was a MASSIVE TWAT).

But a) I would never have taken my cat round to his (obvs) and if for any reason I had hat to (erm, e.g. My flat had burned down) it would have been HIS FLAT HIS RULES (which was my point to him really) and if the bed/bedroom is off limits, the bed/bedroom is off limits.

You've been super considerate in buying the dog bed and also allowing him in your room, particularly as the dog (poor dog!) is stinky and sometimes covered in shit!

It's a LTB. (Leave the Bow Wow)

[oleoleoleole]

You've had a lucky escape. He sounds like a spoilt brat!

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

You have not mentioned whether or not the large, half fecal covered dog also has the run of the kitchen. Have you had any digestive ""viruses"" recently (which may be E. coli poisoning)?

I'd say no more Scooby snacks, certainly not at his.

Your boundaries concerning bed/furniture are good, as you say. Perhaps give another think to your boundaries around sleep? No relationship is worth enduring sleep deprivation. Every once in a while for a fun event is fine. But chronically staying up to 1 am on work nights is risking far too much for an emotionally immature man-child no matter how cool his room may be.

[Oddsockspissmeoff]

There's no way I would have my dog on my bed or furniture. He spends hours merrily licking his balls making a horrible gulping sound. I can't imagine trying to get to sleep listening to that. There's also no way I'd give up my evening to eat my tea in someone's stinky bedroom. It's the sort of thing I would have done as a teenager.

[thenightsky]

He expects you to eat your dinner from what is effectively the dog's bed when you are his place. A dog that rolls in shit and is rarely, if ever, bathed. A bed covered in a filthy stinking old blanket that sounds as though it's as dirty as the actual dog.

I can smell that bedroom from here!

[SleepingTiger]

Op, I'm slightly curious and apologies for having a nosey but when you have sex, where's the dog?

I do not want to know, thank you.

But I bet STBXBF's favourite position is doggy?

[BoobleMcB]

Who takes their LARGE dog to someone else's FLAT anyways?!?!

[CatCafe]

I think you did more than just accommodate the dog- you went out and bought him some toys and a bed so he had somehwere nice to sleep when he was there. You welcomed him quite warmly I'd say, especially since you're not a dog person. Your partner should be able to see it that way too.

We look after my in laws' dogs from time to time. I'm not keen on them sleeping in our room/on our bed but it's what they're used to at home so I let it happen and just change the bed once they've gone again. If I had my own dog I'd want it to sleep in it's own space, it's not unreasonable to want your bed to yourself and free from doggy smells and hair!

Do you think it's worth talking to him about again once you've both calmed down? Highlight to him what you've said here- how much time you've spent getting to know his dog and enjoy walking with him etc. and that you're happy for him to come over but just not sleep in your bed!

My DP lived with his parents before we lived together, often our 'dates' would be watching movies in his bedroom and sometimes we'd have dinner in there too. I'd ignore the posters who say that this is a red flag, some of us don't need to be wined and dined all the time and it's probably better to have the privacy of his bedroom if you're visiting than sit in areas that the rest of his family are using. As long as you are happy with how you spend your time together, that's what matters!

[PollytheDolly]

Blimey, sounds like you are dating Shaggy and Scooby Doo!!


Omg! Yes! hahaha

Seriously though, our dog has a blanket at the bottom of our bed and he knows he must stay on it.

If we stay elsewhere he knows he is not allowed on sofas or beds. He can train his dog to accept this. In fact the dog will probably be fine with it. It's him that's not!

[PollytheDolly]

Op, I'm slightly curious and apologies for having a nosey but when you have sex, where's the dog?


Our dog does this and promptly leaves the room.

[Owllady]

My dog sleeps downstairs but if I was in a new relationship with someone who wanted me to choose between them and the dog, I would choose my dog :o

[dibdap82]

So ....I've been out for the day with him and his dog after he messaged this am to say sorry

We went to the country park

Well we've spoken and he still seems upset from the argument
He says he understands about the bed thing and the sofa thing as got that in but I just can't see him being happy in the long run.....

I however am willing to give it a go but from reading what everyone has posted I'm going to have a long hard think

Yes course I'm willing to compromise
I feel I already have
Apart from him being like we was last night I honestly feel it's him that needs to decide if he can be with me not having his dog on my bed or sofa
I just feel it will grate on him

But I know we have things to sort

He's still here and the dog is liking the bed..he's staying the night so let's se what happens xx

[Mysteriouscurle]

He is a relatively new relationship and he comes into your flat and thinks he can dictate that his dog sleeps on your bed? If its his way or the highway in YOUR flat can you imagine how little input you would have if you ever shared a home. He sulked because you wouldnt roll over and do what he told you! Fuck that shit as they say around here.

And I'm an animal lover

[Smellofpaint]

He's staying another night with the dog?! There's no way that dog will stay in his new bed all night long. Good luck anyway (you must be mad.)

[orangebobble]

I don't want to be harsh OP, but you really need to rethink staying with this emotionally manipulative man. You were NOT at all in the wrong to set boundaries with what you are comfortable with, and he is NOT a good man for not accepting your boundaries and laying all the blame on you. I fear this will fall on deaf ears, however, and you will ignore this massive red flag. Please raise your standards OP. If not for yourself, then do it for your children. They do not deserve this man (who honestly sounds horrible from what you've described he did and said) in their lives.

[MaynJune]

It's not just about the dog! It's about his attitude. If this is how he is at thirty-seven, you have no hope.
Stop pretending to yourself that he's perfect in every other way.
He doesn't sound very promising step-father material either, to be honest.

[AnyFucker]

I don't think you get it. It's not really about the dog.

And you are going to carry on wallowing in the dog poo crumbs on his bed when you go visit him ?

You need your bloody bumps felt.

[FreakinScaryCaaw]

Is anyone surprised?

[brianbennettfan]

Erm.....errr....well........what AF said........with knobs on.