Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's me or the dog....

133 replies

dibdap82 · 12/03/2017 07:11

So after splitting from my boyf of 2 yrs a guy from my past popped up on fb
One thing lead to another and suddenly I went from being newly single to being with someone again!
But it all felt very right and he made me feel like trusting someone again one day could be possible
My barriers were up but I tried to just go with the flow and not let it stop my happiness
He came over, I went to his, we stayed in, we went out, we talked for hours and hours and I honestly thought he was such a lovely guy

I invited him over for a take away last night and he asked if his dog can come...I have a flat and I'm not a dog person so I didn't think his dog would settle in my flat as I have no garden to be able to go out for a wee and it's a flat? but he said he will be fine...well we were talking about where his dog was going to sleep and that day I had gone to pets at home and bought him a big bed and some toys ( he's a large dog) anyway he said he probably won't sleep in the bed he will probably come in bed with us?!
Sorry for any dog people that sleep with their dogs and I want to add here I don't have any problem with people who do !!! but I don't want to sleep with a dog on my bed? When I've stayed at his, his dog sometimes sleeps on the bed...he flicks from the bed to the sofa bed in his room, to the floor but thing is he is sooo loud and constantly licks his bits, scratches, shakes and it keeps me awake ! He's a big dog and there's not much room...i told him this but I didn't expect him to do anything as it's his house! But as this is my flat I didn't want to get into the habit of him sleeping on my bed.
I know it's personal preference but in a new relationship it's very hard
Anyway he left after a 4 hour argument
The argument consisted of me getting a bit upset as I felt horrible and I had to ask him to leave in the end as he didn't seem to let it go and from 8-12 we were having an argument?! I said a month, 6ks in we shouldn't be doing this?
I'm gutted and sad but my mum said he shouldn't have been like hang with me but maybe I hurt his feelings about his dog?

OP posts:
SleepingTiger · 12/03/2017 09:02

Blimey, sounds like you are dating Shaggy and Scooby Doo!!

TheUpsideDown · 12/03/2017 09:09

Blimey, sounds like you are dating Shaggy and Scooby Doo!!

Pahahahahaha!

RandomMess · 12/03/2017 09:11

Clearly you need to end it with him, I think you need to text/message him the following:

"It's not going to work out between us because;

You withheld affection as a punishment.

You think it's ok to override my preferences in my home.

You were not prepared to discuss it sensibly.

It felt like you believed you are entitled to get your own way in my home."

Run for the hills!!!!

happypoobum · 12/03/2017 09:13

Sleepingtiger Grin Grin Grin

OK - I don't know what your previous relationship was like but my 19 year old would think this bloke was an immature waste of space - what on earth are you doing with him?

You can do far far better than sitting in some blokes bedroom eating dinner on a bed that is probably contaminated with dog shite.

You will look back on this and laugh at yourself and think WTF was I thinking!

TheUpsideDown · 12/03/2017 09:16

OP, this 37 yr old man-child sounds 'bratty'. You have a right to not have a dog on YOUR bed in YOUR home if YOU bloody well wish.

Ffs, you went out and bought it a bed and toys from your own pocket, as a compromise, but he still threw an immature little tantrum for 4 hrs because he couldn't get his own way.

Eurgh! The man needs to grow up.

watermelongun · 12/03/2017 09:19

No no no. It's a shame, because you liked him and had hopes of it going somewhere - but rather end it now than get even more emotionally attached to someone who will treat you badly. You were perfectly reasonable. He threw an entitled hissy fit and tried to manipulate / tantrum until you changed your boundaries to suit him. He's now gone on to try to twist your words and perceptions . Believe me, this won't he the only instance if you stay together. Sad for you, but calling it quits is the only sensible way forward.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/03/2017 09:21

As you cannot at all answer what you get out of this, I presume that its not anything (apart from a load of passive aggressive behaviour from this manchild).

It makes me wonder what your previous relationship was like as well; probably not too dissimilar.

TheUpsideDown · 12/03/2017 09:22

Oh, and even in HIS own home... letting a dog get on any furniture, after its rolled in SHIT, instead of being bathed immediately is just vile. Yuck, yuck, fuckin YUCK!

FreakinScaryCaaw · 12/03/2017 09:24

He sounds like such a catch Confused

Okfine · 12/03/2017 09:25

Please say I misread that he is 37.

Summerisdone · 12/03/2017 09:26

Unfortunately you are not compatible together, I couldn't be with someone who wasn't a dog person and didn't allow my dog to sleep in the bed with us because that's how he has always known it, but I also completely understand where you're coming from because if it was someone with a cat then I just couldn't allow it. I'd even be a bit Confused if they wanted to bring their cat round to my home let alone in my bed as I'm really not good with them.

I do think no matter how perfect everything else may be between two people, if either of them already have pets then they have to both be on the same page (i.e do/don't allow dogs on the bed etc.) because these animals are already a part of the family and were before the relationship started so they must come first.

Underthemoonlight · 12/03/2017 09:30

He's a 37year old man who loves a home expects you to put up with his smelly dog who's covered in shit in your own home. What if it went in your dd bed?

He then throws a tantrum because you say you don't want a big dirty dog on you bed or settle. It's early days get rid of him

Dowser · 12/03/2017 09:30

When I met my now DH he had two dogs and I had a Persian cat. I wasn't a real dog lover and he wasn't a cat lover...but we'd never hurt any of them.
Shortly after we met his 17 year old dog had to be put to sleep.
That just left the 6 year old. Now my kind of dog is one that looks like a cat so a shih tzu would be at the top of my league. This dog wasn't. She was sweet natured and he doted on her but like your bf's dog op..she had a skin condition and was smelly and I can't stand smells.
The dog had been allowed to sleep on the bed when his late wife was alive but fortunately for him he could see that wasn't acceptable and she wasn't allowed.
It was a very difficult time for all of us. We couldn't have the dog anywhere near my cat so when we reached a point in our relationship when we were ready to move in together after three years we rehomed both our pets.

The point I'm making is we loved each other enough to put them first.
It was hard. Both pets were 9 so young and fit enough to find a home. In fact the rescue centre kept my cat as their own personal pet.
I'm not suggesting your bf does this but he should not have imposed his pet on you like that when there was no need.
He sounds very immature op.
I don't think he's handled this at all well and I don't think he's ready for a mature relationship with you.
See how it goes over the next week but I think there needs to be clear boundaries over the dog for the relationship to work and that's without the other stuff.

ThePinkOcelot · 12/03/2017 09:34

I'm sat here nearly puking!! No way would I allow a big smelly covered in shit on the left side into my house, never mind on my sofa or my bed!
I can't see why he even brought it tbh.
He's an arse, he should have been pleased you went and spent money on s bed. Bin the immature prat!!

ijustwannadance · 12/03/2017 09:39

You actually eat food sitting on his smelly, grubby bed? Envy

DixieNormas · 12/03/2017 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
dibdap82 · 12/03/2017 09:54

Thanks guys xx

Funny posts lol

Made me feel better xx

OP posts:
SparklingRaspberry · 12/03/2017 11:16

I am a huge dog lover. I let my dog sleep on my bed. But when DP stays over the dog sleeps downstairs.

If I took my dog over to DP's house to sleep over with me, I would also automatically leave her downstairs somewhere comfy and safe. I would never allow my dog to jump all over someone else's furniture Blush

A guy I was once seeing allowed his dog to sleep in the bed with us every night. It was awful. I was woken up 100 times a night, I felt shattered every morning for work. He refused to put the dog out because "he'd always been allowed on the bed". I ended up no longer staying over and the relationship ended.

I think this relationship could still work if you want it to. Compromise with him, maybe let the dog stay over just don't allow him on the sofa or bed?

AnyFucker · 12/03/2017 11:25

Good Lord, I am sure you could do better than this

I am fond of dogs but the way you describe how you all sit on, eat on and sleep on the same 4ft 6 square of stinking pet detritus has made my stomach roll

TheUpsideDown · 12/03/2017 11:30

Compromise with him, maybe let the dog stay over just don't allow him on the sofa or bed?

She did Raspberry, she even went out of her way with her own money to buy it its own bed and toys for when it came to stay at her home. But the sulky DP threw a tantrum because he thinks she should let him have his own way and have the dog in HER bed against her wishes

TheNewSchmoo · 12/03/2017 11:39

Congratulations Sleeping Tiger, my first genuine MN bellow with laughter.

loveyoutothemoon · 12/03/2017 11:52

This obviously won't work out, you'll get sick of only seeing him at his place and the dog is obviously driving you mad already. And what about the future...your boyfriend won't have the dog on the floor, he's already shown you this so you'd have the dog on the bed every night....forever...

You are not compatible. You won't come before the dog, sorry.

ISpeakJive · 12/03/2017 12:07

Op, I'm slightly curious and apologies for having a nosey but when you have sex, where's the dog???

AnyFucker · 12/03/2017 12:23

Comment of the thread prize goes to Sleeping Tiger Grin

Poorlybabysickday · 12/03/2017 12:37

Are you going to end it?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.