Don't know what to do -sorry, may upset some

[Dontfeelreal]

Please help me.

I don't know if what I'm feeling is valid but I'm very upset and struggling to function.

My marriage has not been working so we've not been intimate for months but today my husband has manipulated me until I've done as I'm told even though I cried the whole time. He made me come home from work knowing that I had a difficult deadline (I've missed it but actually can't even care about it) and I had to go back after and try act normally but did end up crying when a colleague was nice to me and have kept having to try keep myself together.

I don't know if it's rape because I didn't actually say no and did what he said but he knew I didn't want to and still made me feel like I had no choice.

I don't know what is going on and I'm pretending to be unwell so I can be in bed because all I can do is cry. I don't know what to do.

I remember when I left my abusive ex - had months of knowing I should and then one day he pushed me too far and I found myself at the front door of friends I barely knew asking to stay for a few days until I found a new place, I still have a total blank how I got from my kitchen to their door.
Maybe you need to get the paperwork, grab the kids and just GO and not let yourself think about it until after? Just rip the plaster off and go.

How are things going dontfeelreal? Thinking of you and hoping you're okay, whatever's happened