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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He cheated on me

103 replies

keepingitalltogether · 06/03/2017 23:10

My dh ( of over 20 years) and I have had a few problems recently
today everything came to a head and we had a blazing row..

During which it came out he has had an affair. He is in his midfifties.

I eventually ( after threatening to ask every single person that he knows) got him To confess who with and it's a woman in her nineties.... I knew they were spending time together and I was touched by the time he was giving her. I thought it was very sweet. I've helped he out myself made her cups of tea, done her shopping etc. And now I.find this out. I've been throwing up. I'm shaking, I can't get my head around it at all. I could almost cope,better if it was a younger girl. It would make more.sensse. This just seems so wrong. I've are him leave, but he wants me to.forgive him. I can't can I???

OP posts:
HarmlessChap · 06/03/2017 23:20

Are you sure he didn't just say her on the basis that you're less likely to confront a woman in her 90's and someone younger?

HarmlessChap · 06/03/2017 23:20

than not and

Guavaf1sh · 06/03/2017 23:23

I'm not sure he is having an affair with a woman in her nineties. That just makes no sense at all.

AnyFucker · 06/03/2017 23:24

90's ?

An affair ?

He is in his fifties and still shagged a woman old enough to be his grandmother?

Somebody is codding, somewhere

AnyFucker · 06/03/2017 23:24

Did he say 19, not 90 ?

Original poster
keepingitalltogether · 06/03/2017 23:24

I dont think so, he has spent a lot of time with her, including nights. I thought he was being kind to an elderly lady. .. Apparently she asked him, as she wanted to experience sex again..... But I'm also thinking, she's old, and not always 100 % with it. Is that even legal....? She's not got dementia or anything but she's definitely ' old' forgets stuff etc.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/03/2017 23:25

This thread is creepy

You've been watching too much Little Britain, mate

Original poster
keepingitalltogether · 06/03/2017 23:26

Before he met me, when he was in his 20ies he was seeing a woman in her sixties... Part of me wants to go and ask her myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
keepingitalltogether · 06/03/2017 23:27

I only wish I had. It's made me sick to the core.

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 06/03/2017 23:30
Hmm
Interestingangelfish · 06/03/2017 23:34

Nothing against (or denying) the fact that younger men may find older women attractive. For example, I know a couple where the guy is late fifties, the wife is early eighties (very young outlook, if that isn't offensive, and makes sense), and it seems, to outsiders like me, to be a very romantic and loving marriage. They've been married a while. And no one would at an eye-lid if the genders in my example were reversed. (And no one who knows this couple, tbf, bats an eyelid).
But your fifties aged husband has just embarked on a sexual affair with a woman in her nineties? Really, are you sure? Does sound a little strange. Is she early nineties? Kind of youngish in her outlook? I have to say that most, if not all, of the women I've met of that age would not have much interest in, or energy for, a sexual affair with a much younger married man.
I suppose I've not met them all though, have I?

Original poster
keepingitalltogether · 06/03/2017 23:37

He said it's over and had been over for a couple of years. BUT he does regularly go and see her. She's still fairly active, goes for walks etc. Shes led a fascinating life and I thought he just enjoyed her company....... He's over 10 years older then I am. So older people aren't always his thing....

OP posts:
Original poster
keepingitalltogether · 06/03/2017 23:38

Early.nineties. Possibly 90 in fact.

OP posts:
Original poster
keepingitalltogether · 06/03/2017 23:40

I.did question him a lot. Accused him of being sick and depraved. I can't begin to imagine for he could have done this.

OP posts:
PointlessUsername · 06/03/2017 23:46

Why did he tell you? ,If it has been over for years with the lady in her 90s.

Original poster
keepingitalltogether · 06/03/2017 23:52

Because he accused me.of being unfaithful which I never have He was saying he thinks I've had several boyfriends over the years. It made me suspicious as I felt he was projecting. He then admitted it.

At first he refused to say who with then came out with it.

OP posts:
AshesandDust · 06/03/2017 23:54

An affair is infidelity, her age shouldn't matter.
When he was younger you say he had an affair with a lady in her 60s its
not that surprising she's older - he said right there that he fancied older women.
What do you want to do, OP, can you forgive him?

CuriousMary · 06/03/2017 23:55
Shock
FellOutOfBed2wice · 07/03/2017 00:01

Woah. That's nuts. My late Nan was the only person I've ever known of that age and I can't think of anyone less likely to embark on a sexual affair than her in her nineties. She could barely stand the excitement of Enmerdale.

PointlessUsername · 07/03/2017 00:19

Seems unlikely doesnt it?. Maybe she was just who came to mind rather than saying who he had really embarked on an affair with?.

Either way that is real shit of him, hope you are ok op?. Have you any friends you can take comfort in.

loveyoutothemoon · 07/03/2017 06:58

I think he's having you on.

Idrinkandiknowstuff · 07/03/2017 07:04

Sorry but I think that's bollox. He's lying to you to protect the real OW. Top marks to him for originality though.

DenimChicken · 07/03/2017 07:10

Are you sure he didn't say he had an affair in THE 90s?

SparklyMagpie · 07/03/2017 07:47

Haha he's having you on OP! 90 years old?! Nah

Underthemoonlight · 07/03/2017 07:50

I think he's using this lady as a cover she hasn't got female family member who he's had an affair with would explain it