He cheated on me

[keepingitalltogether]

My dh ( of over 20 years) and I have had a few problems recently
today everything came to a head and we had a blazing row..

During which it came out he has had an affair. He is in his midfifties.

I eventually ( after threatening to ask every single person that he knows) got him To confess who with and it's a woman in her nineties.... I knew they were spending time together and I was touched by the time he was giving her. I thought it was very sweet. I've helped he out myself made her cups of tea, done her shopping etc. And now I.find this out. I've been throwing up. I'm shaking, I can't get my head around it at all. I could almost cope,better if it was a younger girl. It would make more.sensse. This just seems so wrong. I've are him leave, but he wants me to.forgive him. I can't can I???

well, having spent some time talking to her..shes 87 not 90 (not that that makes any difference!) shes very clear that she believes she seduced him..and that she set out deliberately to do so. no excuse from my point of view of course.. he chose to respond.

He has moved out for now at least.. I need to decide on my own whether this is something i can get over or not. thank you mumnetters for being here for me xxxxx

Older men sometimes become sexually inappropriate as an early sign of dementia. I think consent could be blurred here. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

Even if she is fully able to consent he still had an affair. He took credit for looking after an older women when he was behaving appallingly and he did it in plain site. It seems more insulting in a way. He would have cheerily kissed you goodbye with a "off to see Betty sweetheart" knowing that he would be having sex with her. Nasty.

I feel sorry for you and her, but at fiftyish, you're young enough to start afresh, so you have an advantage.