Brave Babes are boinging into Spring..Join us here!

[dementedma]

We are a bus load of Babes all battling alcohol and trying to resist, reduce and get our lives back under control. Whatever you have to say, we will have heard it before and no-one will judge you. This is a warm, friendly,supportive place with tough love when needed ( slap round the face with a wet squid called Barrie). Join us here.

Im so sorry ma.

Am having triuble getting to sleep tonight, trying not ro worry byt 100 things going thru head, not just court - random things like being really good on diet rest of week as blown yest and today, about applying for 'real' (wellpaid) jobs such aa admin assistant (boring byt 20 grand pa), about being rejected from dwp job (heard yesterday), about where ill be in a years time etc etc. Silly and overthinking and feel like cryinh (which is ridiculous, have nothing to cry over)

Made hope you manage to get some rest soon. I would think that your (understandable) nerves about tomorrow will be causing all these thoughts. Can you watch tv for a bit to distract you then have another go at getting to sleep? Good luck for tomorrow. Don't forget you are not the one being 'judged'; there are no wrong or right answers, just say what happened.

margie how did the10k go?

ma so sorry, it's just totally shit.

dubh how are you getting on?

Thanks for all the song suggestions! Have adding anything that's on Apple Music to my playlist. Longest run of my training plan tomorrow before the 'taper'. Ive eaten what feels like my body weight in pasta over the last few days (sorry to anyone low carbing!) in the hope that it will magically propel me round 20 miles. Can't say I'm exactly looking forward to it, but at least once it's done I never ever have to do it again!

madein1995
Just quickly checking in to send you strength for today. I've even made the dogs cross their paws for you.🐕

dementedma
So sorry to hear about the funding. I wish I could wave a magic wand sometimes for everyone.
flowery
Good luck with the move. I hate the actual moving but but that first week of settling in and rearranging furniture is great.
bibbitybobbityyhat
I agree. I have managed this by first doing dry January then the 90 day challenge. I caved and had half a bottle of Brothers cider on Sunday and I really didn't enjoy it. I had such a crap night sleep too. I know i have a long way to go still and I shouldnt say I've given up drinking totally but at this moment in time, I have (fingers crossed). It's made me realise how much of my life revolved around alcohol. I've noticed a distinct lack of invites out from friends.
Oh well, I've decided to throw myself into gardening instead.

As for the job situation. The subject is still being avoided at work so for now I'm doing my usual shifts but I NEED a bloody answer by Friday.

I'm so sorry about how things turned out ma.

made Best of luck with court today, I hope it's done with as early as possible so you can have the rest of the day to yourself. Don't know if this will help but I did jury duty years ago and I certainly didn't think that any witness whose voice shook was a liar or less believable in any way. Not one bit. I think everyone involved knows that the environment can be very frightening. You can do it.

Elba84 You can do it too! Best of luck with the pre-taper big one. May pasta propel you forward

MintToBe Sounds good. It's a shame about the lack of invites out, although if it was to go out drinking at least you'll be saving funds! maybe it's an opportunity to build up other things (gardening, like you mentioned). Even so, it can be a bit hurtful when it happens. Bit of an in-between limbo stage, isn't it?

Hope you get the answers you want soon about your job. Hopefully you don't have to shine lights in their eyes and hold candles under their toes to extricate answers.

Morning all. My sleep has gone downhill again, been worrying in the middle of the night about everything and waking up for hours on end. Alternating between bleak, bleak thoughts and cautious optimism. I wish I had someone to follow me around and tell me that everything will be okay, but at the same time I know that isn't healthy (I've asked it of previous partners). It doesn't deal with the root cause, the anxiety and the patterns behind it. Alcohol doesn't help it either. I need to go back and work on my old mental health exercises and keep reading instead of procrastinating on things that I know will help long-term.

made best of luck for today. I'm guessing you may already be at court. If not, then just remember it will all be over very soon. There's not much you can do about nerves sometimes, except to remind yourself that in a few hours it'll be behind you. I'm sure you'll do great. Real court is nothing like Law and Order, it's mostly pretty tedious.
All the other worries are just spawned by the anxiety motherlode and will shrink as soon as you're done.

I'm on day 2 AF, day 1 caff-free. I have a feeling that the lack of caff is going to make me feel shitter in the short term than the lack of booze. It's only 9am and my head is full of fluff, can't focus on work and have achey eyes (WTF?)

Thank you everyone haven't got to be at the court til 1.30 got a while yet. Am still very nervous, but I think as soon as it's over it'll be fine. Mam and dad are coming to, they want to be in the room to support me, I kind of hope they can stay cos it'll be reassuring seeing a friendly face there, but because she's a youth defendant they'll have to ask the court to make sure and I don't know what they'll say, or if they'll agree to it. Also need to ask if I can stay and watch the rest of the case. And go through what happens - once I've given evidence, do I leave the witness box and go sit in public gallery etc. We're having lunch out first (will be sticking to jacket potato or something healthy, trying to be under 1000cals a day the rest of the week) so leaving house at 11ish, as we've got to find the place too. Dressing relatively smart, only bone of contention is my hair - I want it up, mam wants it down (it does look nice down admittedly), and she's like a dog with a bone and I cba to argue. I'll come back later and let you know how I get off.

Made how did it go? Hope you're feeling a bit better now it's over.

Flora how you getting on with no caffeine? I've been tempted to try that one to see if my sleep would improve

Carte have you tried any self help books? I find positive blogs and that help aswell, I get really anxious and wake up stressing about a million things too. Have you tried writing everything down?

Mint I feel kind of lucky the invites petered out when I was pregnant so I don't miss them so much now I'm trying to reign in the drinking. Gardening sounds good though, you want to help me design mine?

Ma it's not fine you're feeling this way, hopefully things will start to look up soon

I'm just back from a trip to IKEA to pick up furniture, I hate driving and was behind a police car over half the way so was on edge checking my speed etc. I'm exhausted through lack of decent sleep and there's now boxes everywhere to add to the feeling

Honestly, flowery, caffeine withdrawal is nastier than the alcohol withdrawal I had when I stopped drinking 40/50 units a week! Although there are practically no cravings. I just don't have that relationship with caffeine - or the brain chemistry's different.

I have a smacking headache, no focus and I feel like I haven't woken up all day. And I was only drinking 2-3 caff drinks a day.

On the plus side I went back to bed at 9 (!) and had a nap pretty easily, which I never do.

I'll keep you updated on how it goes! I'm doing it for the sleep. Also because I wonder if the caff plays a role in triggering drinking, in that it allows me to plough on without resting and increases my jitteriness until I really want a drink.

made thinking of you

Flowerydems I always end wandering through Ikea in a trapped daze. That damned layout is too much. Good luck getting everything set up.

I currently have Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers and David Burns' The Feeling Good Handbook, and both of them have been a big big help. I just keep delaying on working more consistently through them- I'm my own worst enemy in terms of procrastination.

I'm a little big scared of writing things down but it might be a good idea. The waking up from anxiety is awful, so sorry you get it as well! When I was really bad a few years ago I would wake up with my heart beating a crazy amount and breathing heavily. I've never had a panic attack but for a while I was afraid that it might be building up to one. Thankfully it didn't happen.

Right, I'm going to make dinner and read some more of this Susan Jeffers book.

Carte I'm exactly the same with procrastination, there were exercises in a book I read so I stopped reading cause I couldn't immediately find a pen.

The writing things before bed I found on a blog, it's called a brain dump I think

Hello, it didn't go too badly. Didn't look at the girl, managed ok (despite asking them to speak up due to cold blocking my ears ). Colleague never turned up so my word against hers, I can't ask other ex colleagues as they're not allowed phones in work. Defence was horrible or seemed like it at least - kept on saying the fag wasn't lit, why didn't I hit or push her away etc, I kept my cool though and stood my ground and kept to my story. When my barrister asked how it made me feel I said 'scared' and my voice did break a little bit and the cow had the grace to look down. Thank goodness its over now though. Had a relaxing bath, decided whatever happens now I don't mind - I told the truth, the other girl is lying, but even if shes let off I know I told the truth and have nothing to be ashamed of. Have had a subway today (12 inch cheese and bacon) but that's all I've had so not too bad, still full but may have something later on. Were meant to have nice lunch at pub but service was terrible (ordered 10 past 12, food still wasn't there at 1 o clock) so left at 1 and went to subway beforehand. It's my birthday Thursday (22) and we've got a day planned. Go out for a walk on local mountain (or in dogs case, run wild), then have brunch at sub zero (big dessert place) around midday, then an indian in evening. Will have to be v. good tomorrow and Friday!

Well done made and a great attitude - you did what was right and that is what is important.

ma :( about your job. Do you want to meet up for a friendly chat?

I'm glad it went OK made well done.
So a birthday huh? Sounds like you have nice plans.

Hope everyone is OK, nice to see you Venus hope you are well?

I must catch up with you all soon. Easter holidays and pretty hectic here!

How is everyone doing? (Been v. selfish lately). Inspired by a nurse jackie episode have been writing a few 'F*k You' notes/letters and they're quite theraputic. Also I had to say Fk and C*t in court (repeating what she said to me) and was mortified, swearing in front of magistrates in cloaks lol

Well done made! Sounds like you did brilliantly. Hope you can relax a bit now it's over with.

Survived my run today (I attribute this in part to the pasta, but mainly to the new playlist!) so I guess I am actually going to run a marathon. Feels very surreal to think I've just run 20 miles (my legs are reminding me that it's very real though!).

Cant quite work out where I'm at regarding drinking. I'm so so so much better than a year ago. The fact that I can have days af testifys to that. However I'm drinking more, and more regularly, than six months ago. But with less big binges (in fact the big binges have almost gone- not a conscious thing). I've stopped tracking what I'm drinking, but would think it's around 50 units per week, which is nothing compared to over 100. But still too much.

Still having therapy, not sure about it but can't decide if it's because I don't get on with her that well (she's lovely, but don't think it's the best therapeutic relationship), or because I was expecting more of myself. Doesn't help that the therapy ends in August so I feel that there is a 'deadline' to be in some way fixed. Of course the logical thing would be to speak to her about all this, but I can't...!

Sorry- bit of a rant there. Hope all ok

Not much to add here except I've been a bit down the past week or so. No reason for it - just a low mood. Other than that I'm still AF and apart from a few brief moments of "sod it" haven't been tempted at all, which is great. Just need to work out why I'm feeling down - maybe lack of fresh air and exercise?

made
Glad it went well. And for tomorrow's birthday.

So, once again my work question was rather cleverly swerved. So far, normal hours until 15th then after that, who knows but as my manager is away on holiday no doubt I'll be useful cover for her.
I am about to run out of biomass pellets for the boiler and need to sodding know if I can afford to order any.
I'm so fed up.

Elba hope you're ok and legs not hurting too much
Mint that sounds hard, keep on nagging - they should let you know
Elf sorry to hear you're low, the lack of fresh air could definitely be it - what's the weather like with you? It's nice round by here which cheers me up

The girl was found not guilty. I don't know what they were thinking, but I'm not giving it any headspace. I was right, I told the truth and have a clean conscience. She'll never change, and karma will get her in the end.

Anyway, moving onwards and upwards I'm applying for two jobs (one as a administration officer with the police, and one with drugaid) but bit stuck on what to say why I left previous job (nursery, where I left door open, child almost got through, I got sacked). I have been saying 'failure to complete probationary period' but dunno if that sounds right? Does anyone have any suggestions please?

Hi Venus yeah, a meet up would be nice. Am having a few days off over the Easter hols to regroup.
I still have my main job, The veterans stuff was part of it but not all of it. In fact, right now, I am in a very beautiful hotel overlooking a loch waiting to host a business dinner later this evening. Just wish I didn't have to speak at it..Be glad when that part is over.

Made I'd probably use 'change in circumstances' it's not a lie cause the circumstances did change. If they ask in more detail during an interview you can say I failed to complete it but as previous employers can't say anything bad other than salary and time served you should be ok.

Mint I second continually nagging

Ma that sounds like where I'm from, I moved south for uni and met dh so no lochs here. Hope you're having a good time

Big waves to everyone else, I feel like I'm in an episode of hoarders where my children are having to manoeuvre round boxes to survive so I'm in the sidecar this week, never EVER again will I move with little children during the sodding Easter holidays. This was the worst plan ever and I still have 3 rooms and the cupboard of doom to sort

Elf meant to nc you aswell. I'm the same if I don't get out in the fresh air. Is there a nice park or something nearby you can take a stroll round. Go you remaining af though, I'd have crumbled

Hi babes,

Sorry to hear of those having a hard time.

Ma, I'm so sorry about the job, but it sounds like you're being very philosophical about it.

Made, you did the right thing and told the truth, don't give the verdict a second thought, I am a big believer in karma.

Elf, I reckon you're right and if you get out and about in the fresh air you'll feel better. Are there daffodils and crocuses springing up where you live?

Mint, hope you get good news on the job front soon.

Elba you are my hero!!! Can't believe you ran that far, you are amazing. My 10km was fine but it was actually 11.5kms so the last part was hard as I kept thinking that I was about to see the finish line! Serves me right for not reading the small print.

Hi to Lux, Flowery, Carte, Flora, Venus, Bibbity, Dubh and all other babes.

Everything ok here - still AF here except for a slip up on Sunday, still taking the ADs and looking forward to a rest at Easter.

Hello, can I please join? Have NC'd for this as I am so ashamed. Last night I had almost 3 bottles of wine and tonight it will be 2. Can't go on like this. I have had breaks from
booze for more than a month but this monster is affecting my life too much.

Hello - I would like to join too please. I was drinking a bottle of wine a night (at least) until the new year but have managed to cut down to only drinking fri/sat/sun but would like to cut down further. My problem is that I don't seem to have an off switch and once I've had a glass I want more and more - possibly even 2 bottles. I'm worried about the impact on my health and the fact that I'm setting a bad example to my two teenaged DDs. I've only got one kidney and am having a scan on Friday - I'm worried that they will notice something wrong with my liver . Thanks for reading.