Brave Babes are boinging into Spring..Join us here!

[dementedma]

We are a bus load of Babes all battling alcohol and trying to resist, reduce and get our lives back under control. Whatever you have to say, we will have heard it before and no-one will judge you. This is a warm, friendly,supportive place with tough love when needed ( slap round the face with a wet squid called Barrie). Join us here.

Thanks so much 42 and Lux for the insight on ADs. They have always made me worry that they'd somehow cover up the problems, rather than helping me to solve them, kind of in the same way that booze does. But I am sure that my GP will help me decide and can offer a lot of useful information.

Elf, Venus, great comments and insight into AA. I agree that different meetings in different places can feel very different - I went to one a couple of times on a Friday night but it felt really cliquey, like all the other people were already friends and weren't really interested in new people. On the other hand I went to another one quite regularly which was great and I felt close to the people and accepted by them. I had a sponsor for a while and she was lovely, we are still in touch and I know that despite not being in the program for a while, she will always help me when I need her.

My sponsor always says that she sees her drinking like a nut allergy - she knows she can't drink as it will cause a terrible physical reaction in her body. It reminds me of what Venus said.

Flora, in answer to your questions:

Would you like a cafe meet-up or church hall style thing? Not church hall as it seems a bit sterile, although there is a lack of privacy in a cafe. TBH I think someone's living room is what would probably suit me best.
Would you need a private space to feel comfortable? Yes.
Would you prefer structured sharing of experiences/strategies, or just a group chat? Or a bit of both? I think structure does help as otherwise it breaks off into people chatting in pairs and that way your lose focus.
Would you prefer a women-only group? Not bothered.
Would you join a group on Facebook for a 'sobriety cafe' thing, if that group was closed and hidden? I am not on FB and agree with what Venus says about FB groups.

Margie just adding my thoughts on bereavement... when my dm died I sort of sublimated my grief in looking after my df. Then when he died a few months later I immersed myself in business - dealing with all the stuff in the house, the legal nonsense and was determined to prove how competent and capable well balanced I was - handling my emotions so well.....

Three years later and something unrelated really moved me and I found myself feeling overwhelmed with grief, like a lost child. And I was also regretful that I'd not taken the chance to grieve much (or that I'd been so buy with things that HAD to be done - like looking after family etc). It's interesting that in Victorian time people in mourning used to don black for years - they (and others round them) knew to give them space and tenderness. Then in the world wars the level of death was so great that it wasn't possible for that to continue and a new social model emerged. I sometimes feel that now in 21st century death and mourning is so sanitised that we are 'protected' from the rawness, we behave decently, have a 20 minute in and out cremation, celebrate the life and then get back to work.

Sometimes we need to allow the pain, to know it is ok to sob or scream and 'rent our clothes' even years later. Bereavement counselling is excellent for making that allowable and safe, and ADs can be useful for supporting the process and making it possible to face the in-faceable.

Should have said "un-faceable"

Hello to all my old friends too ma, mouseface, faire, guggs lovely to hear from babyjane and know what a marvellous change you've made, and always wonderful to see this bus just rolling on and supporting everyone xx

Margie the ADs don't change anything about your thoughts or make you forget or anything...just even out some of the low mood/anxiety so that thinking more clearly is easier

Ive just heard about westminisyer, are all babes ok?

Hello all. I'm an old poster popping my head back in. I wish I could say I've been sober but at least I'm on Day 2.
Lovely to see some old faces, and some sparkly new ones!

Made fine here thanks, horrified by the events and have many friends who work nearby. I rather like the FB mark yourself safe button at the moment

Hello April back on the bus? Our paths haven't crossed before, I'm Lux, and I'm happy to meet you
Are you confident about seeing the day through AF?

Hope everyone else is OK and safe on this terrible day.

Margie the ADs take a little while to work and work best without alcohol so how about planning a break from alcohol whilst you give them a chance to work?

This means looking at your diary and avoiding any situation which you think will be too hard to do right now. See if you can find a clear three weeks.

Then all you have to do is avoid that first drink. It makes it so much simpler to make your sobriety a priority. I am sure that anyone who cares about you will be happy to support you.

You can say you are treating yourself to a healthy body/healthy mind, getting ready for summer, changing some habits, whatever.

The important thing is to turn down invites which will trigger you, get support from us here as well as rl if you can and focus all your efforts on avoiding that first drink.

Do it for three weeks. Just try it and see how it makes you feel. You might even find some of us willing to join you. Think of it as kind of mini-dry January.

Okay over here, but what an awful day. Terrible to think that some people will be getting the worst news imaginable about their loved ones. It's bloody senseless. But it was heartening to see that so many people rushed to help those who were hurt and tried to save lives, the good outnumber the bad many times over.

Not drinking. A very good friend of mine and dh's works for the BBC at Westminster. He is currently locked in at Westminster Abbey with the MPs :(

Those poor, poor people on the bridge! and the policeman. Dreadful.

Flora I’d prefer a relaxed environment too. The church hall, wooden chair, type thing just gives out a vibe of ‘otherness’ I feel. I’d like a bit of luxury I also like the idea of a bit of a structure and rules to make it a safe place, and where everyone got a chance to talk not just the ones who talk the loudest (as in that kind of situation I get a bit anxious and close up). A kind of ‘talking bear’ as they do in nursery and reception classes (but maybe a ball or similar rather than a teddy bear). I wouldn’t like facebook as you say it’s confidential but nothing on fb ever is.

Hello april

It’s been such a surreal, terrible and shocking day. I’m lucky as live in South Wales and no family or friends in London. It’s awful, feel so sad for everyone injured and killed. It feels like it’s come completely out of the blue and it’s just so sad, so awful. It seems selfish, but you hear about these things happening in France or in Syria and I do feel sorry for them, but it’s only when it happens in your country that it makes it so real. This is the first attack that I’ve understood what’s going on, and I despair for humanity I really do. My heart goes out to all those affected.

Venus, thanks so much for your thoughts on grief and bereavement, I found it so interesting to read about your experience. It's strange that for me it's been 3 years too, and the grief feels much more raw now than at any point in the past. With my DCs being so little when my DM died, I had to push my grief out of the way for their sakes, but now I realize that that pushing away was only temporary, the grief was waiting for a point where I could properly address it and process it and go through it. I agree with what you say about the way that society deals with death and its aftermath - I often get the feeling that when I bring up my DM, people think, "wow, three years on and she's still going on about this". As if there is a time limit past which you simply have to feel better and get back to normal.

Faire, I will take on your challenge - anything to help me feel better. I am going to try to move my appointment forward as it's not until April 3rd but I feel a bit too desperate to wait that long.

Awful day in London, terrible images on the news, those poor poor people.

Good morning all Brave Babes

Just read back sorry not been aboard for a while.

Margie my lovely lovely Babe. I totally get where you're at right now. My DD2 was 3 when my Dad died and I did exactly the same, went into auto-pilot, carried on running my business, household, children etc. I am so glad you've managed to share here and please don't ever feel that you can't post here when you're drinking I agree with others re GP good that you're going to try and bring your appointment forward, please mention everything. Have you been able to speak your true feelings to your DH? Do you have a good friend that you can speak to? Please take one day at a time and be gentle with yourself, you are a lovely person, kind, considerate, gracious and funny Try not to project too far ahead, live in the 'now' at the moment. It's important for you to speak to a professional grief counciller so that you can tread water and work through your feelings. We are all here for you and we want to help you Dust yourself down, write a list of self care, I think it may help to have a notebook where you write down how you're feeling and how others make you feel. You need time to re-fuel, have an oil change and a re-tune. You've been through so much and you are only human Try and be kind to yourself.

Hello to everyone, sorry I've got to dash out, have a good day all x

Oh Spanna, you've made me cry with your kindness. Thank you so so so much.

I genuinely shudder to think where I'd be without this bus.

Work have just cut my hours to 8 hours a week!!!!! Starting Monday. F FS!
I'm standing at the bus stop outside a pub and all I want to do is go in a have a double gin.

Good evening, how is everyone doing? Hope all is ok having a relaxing evening with Scott and Bailey DVDs (love Gill, she is so funny and dry!) Been in work today, quite good today bar a customer getting rude off his meal deal discount coming off the bill (which is the computers job not mine, I don't know every offer we have in store nor do I care if he's down a quid). Other cashier stepped in told him the same thing and eventually he left, I mouthed 'fucking twat' over our tills and we had a good giggle over it later, they've never heard me swear again

Evening All

Flora tis not just you, I am an expert Thread Killer

Mint that is shite news, can they cut your hours with so little notice? I hope that you de-toured and managed to get the bus sans le gin x

Made many moons ago I used to work for our price records, I remember the camaraderie of working with the same people every day and just looking at each other and knowing what they other was thinking, having these unspoken conversations, great fun. It still amazes me how rude customers can be. I spent my youth working bars & waitressing - I am always nice in bars and restaurants and always leave a good tip

Margie how you doing babe? sorry didn't mean to make you cry, why is it that we get so emotional when people are being nice to us, it's nuts

Nuff and Venus great to see you both, wise words, as always

Fox are you ok up there in the smoke? Tragic day yesterday those poor people it makes me scared of what could come next

I can't remember who mentioned boredom and filling your time when you would have been drinking. This is something that I found really difficult, I must have spent a whole heap of time drinking because when I stopped, it was like WTF shall I do. I ended up watching shite TV every night. This fizzled out eventually and then I started reading again (well remembering what I'd read) nothing high brow or complicated, just immersing myself into someone elses life.
It's changing your routine that can be a challenge.

Lux you've been an inspiration. I've really enjoyed reading your posts over the past few months. You are doing so well and thank you for bringing your self care luxury routine, it's made me mindful of really looking after myself which I needed to do more.

Sorry not to say mention you all. It's been a long day. Keep going everyone. One day at a time and if you are drinking tonight, can you stop now, drink a glass of water, make some tea, brush your teeth and get into bed (now) watch the film until the end, we all know it's never a pretty sight. Night all x

Evening from my sick bed!
Such kind words spanna thank you
mint that's so crap and I'm sorry. made you sound quite chirpy despite knobby customers.

Hi everyone else, hope you're all well? I'm going to sleep now but will catch up tomorrow, bit germy sick tonight x

Checking in very briefly, missed you guys so, so much. I had to lay off phone and screen for a while.

Got a diagnosis after biopsy and bloods, saw rheumatologist amongst various other lovely, helpful folk. Had a big old flare and my eyesight took a bit of a downturn, blurry everything, and although it's come back, it's no longer as good as it was.

I need to take it easy with screen time, but will check in when I can. They're going to start me on some meds to see if it will help, bairn and I both keeping on, sober for now. Me, nae her.

Meds will take up to 12 weeks to see if they'll help. I am happier knowing they can maybe help. It's been dark here, in more ways than one.

On plus side, I haven't been able to see how badly my little shiter has trashed the garden. I'm hoping spring will heal all. Every cloud...

Bosies to each and every lovely one of you I've really missed ye xx

Hello dubh I'm sorry to hear about the tests, but fingers crossed the medication will help!
Mint so sorry, I completely missed your post. You poor thing, did you drink? Hop right back on even if you did on a more practical side, is there any way of getting another job to supplement wages? I know Tesco and Asda are advertising because of the Easter rush and I'm sure other supermarkets are too, IME they are low contracts (never more than 12 hrs) but always a chance so overtime so that could be an idea? You could also maybe choose a shift pattern to suit you - evenings, or weekends, or nights etc.

Luckily the bus came and as it's a rural service it's only hourly so I went home.
I have a meeting today to discuss hours at work.
It's bang on zero degrees here this morning , but the sky is blue and pink and the lambs are springing about like little zebedees.

madein1995
I'm Sainsbury trained so it's something I've considered. I used to like being on the tills and I'm counter and hot food trained. Hmmmm. I'll have a look online this afternoon.

dubh!!!!!!
Good to see you. Stay well!

Mint lovely pics

Just screeching by to fling arms around Dubh keep well my lovly, hope the meds kick in soon.

Hope everyone else is OK. Back soon babes x