Am I overreacting about my bf groping me in public

[user1486897010]

Hi.
My bf who is father of my dd keeps touching my tits in public. Today we went shopping and he had his arm around me and was just cupping one of my boobs. I don't know if I'm overreacting but I just get a bit embarrassed from anyone walking past and seeing it. If i try to move his hand away he complains and gets all grumpy and just says he is showing me afection. It happens quite a bit. Either my boobs or bum. I've told him before i don't really like It in public and he stops for a bit but always goes back to doing it. He also complains that is it because I'm ashamed of him. And I'm not. But maybe I am just being silly. Sorry for the long post. Do you think I should mention it to him? What should I do?

Well quite bit of his money goes to the house I think. On the mortgage and he gives me money if I need more or if we need extra stuff and he gives me money to go clothes shopping sometimes

He likes to display his ownership of you, doesn't he? Groping you and telling you what to wear in front of his mates. I don't know what cb is these days but could you ask for that precise amount every week or month (however often it is paid) Could you start to decide for yourself what you'll wear when his mates come round? There's a faint possibility that he might start to "get" that you're a person rather than his possession in those two changes? Plus the broken record thing of "don't do that" when he gropes you in public. His reaction to such changes might well indicate how much he is clinging to the (sic) cave-man approach and whether change is possible. Which might clarify in your own mind whether you actually should leave because this is really really not respectful, loving behaviour on his part.

I also don't believe having a higher sex drive entitles anyone to do anything the other person isn't genuinely happy about. The days of enduring/accepting whatever really are over in an allegedly civilised society where partners are just that. Partners not possessions ...

Do you think he feels you "owe" him whatever he desires due to his financial "superiority"? Access to your body might be his currency. Now that's an uncomfortable thought. Even more so is the thought that maybe YOU think it's an acceptable currency ...

The Child Benefit needs to be transferred into your name and paid into your account. Not just so you have direct access to the money but also so that you get the National Insurance credits.

Oh, OP, chilling. Just chilling reading that.

I won't belabour the abuse advice that everybody else has given you, apart from agreeing with it all! Even/esp that DD having to witness this can be classed as her being sexually abused (look it up on NSPCC website).

Onto practicalities, though, since you're asking now (good!):

Let me preface this by suggesting - highly recommending! - that you talk to Women's Aid and/or the Citizens Advice Bureau and running your numbers through the "entitled to" website. Even if you do decide to stay with him (please don't!), you can at least do it from a position of knowledge and therefore a little more power, at least in yourself. And don't make the mistake of thinking you don't need Women's Aid because you're not being beaten round the head on a daily basis. You're experiencing sexual and emotional abuse - both illegal now - and that's just based on what we've heard about so far. I'd bet cash money that some evidence of physical abuse is yet to be revealed.

It is very unlikely that you'll get anything re: the house, as it's his and you're unmarried. Unless you have any paperwork or other evidence saying otherwise. You'll probably have ro write off any monies you've given him as "rent". There can be exceptions to this, but that can get pretty complex, so, all the more reason for you to get legal advice.

Do you have any joint accounts, joint debt, joint assets? (loans, credit cards, car, furniture, appliances, etc?). Have you been getting Child Benefit, Tax Credits, etc? Into whose account do they go?

Is DP listed on DD's birth certificate? Where is all your relevant paperwork? Do you know exactly how much DP earns? Getting a kook at his payslios and/or bank statements would be useful.

You would probably get child maintenance. Typical baseline is 20% of his salary.

Is there anything you can sell, both to downsize/simplify for leaving and get a bit of spare cash into what's known as a "fuck you fund".

Others will come in and hone thoughts, I'm sure, but bottom line, it's doable, very doable. You just have to believe you deserve better than this. And that your DD should not grow up thinking this is OK.

He sounds like a bit of a pervert who wants people to see him grabbing your boobs. Very weird of him,
He will be suggesting 3 somes next.

Cross post! I see you've answered some of these questions. Indeed, I hadn't asked them to make you tell us, but so you can ask yourself and start getting your ducks in a row.

Thank you PreemptiveSalvageEngineer.

I now am feeling a lot more like in need to leave.

Today his mates came round to drink cos a few of them have some days off. He told me what he wanted to wear and I suggested wearing something else but then he started getting grumpy and moany and was saying he isn't asking much. Just for me to wear this one thing. Also later in the day they were sitting around just talking and I was sat next to him. They kept making jokes and towards me but that normally happens because is a group of guys drinking. But then he pushed my head down to his lap and made a joke about a blowjob. Was so embarrasing but he just thought it was funny

Oh God please leave and give him one of those inflatable sex dolls as a parting gift

He is a fucking disgusting excuse for a human being

Was your DD present whilst this was happening? What would happen if, when he asks you to wear a certain outfit, you said "no, i'll wear what I like" and just keep repeating that phrase?

And please understand that it is NOT NORMAL for a group of men to verbally harass you in your own home just because they're having a drink. Fucking disgusting behaviour towards you.

What would have happened if you'd stood up and walked away and told him to grow up? Because that's what I would have done. Probably after pouring his beer over him. But I'm not suggesting you do that.

He sounds incredibly immature and completely disrespectful to you.

Ask him how he would feel if he saw your DD being treat d like that when she is older.

Thats horrible and certainly not normal and ready does say a lot.

Where was your daughter when he was daytime drinking with his friends

lucky dd wasnt there. For most of the day i was just with her and did other stuff but she was sleeping so i sat with them for a bit. i really don't think he would of done that in front of dd. I hope not.

He is worse when he is with his mates. Is like he has to show off. I did wear what he said but i don't know. if i did that and just kept saying that think wouldd just turn into a big argument.

His mates were joking too. I said its internatoional womens day and then one of his mates said to dp so you are gonna give her a good seeing to later then.

They kept making jokes and towards me but that normally happens because is a group of guys drinking.

No that's not normal.
You shouldn't ever be subjected to this kind of harassment, please don't think it's normal.

Oh god, it's like they're talking about a sex worker.

OP, just turn this more load of abuse into strength to help you leave, you sound like you're seeing this for exactly what it is now, good for you.

But then he pushed my head down to his lap and made a joke about a blowjob. Was so embarrasing but he just thought it was funny

There's nothing funny about a man humiliating his partner, especially when other people are there. What a vile excuse for a man he is.

His mates were joking too. I said its internatoional womens day and then one of his mates said to dp so you are gonna give her a good seeing to later then.

And he didn't tell them to leave? Wow. He's even more of a bastard than I thought he was.

Leave him now. Just go. He is a disgusting person and the longer you're with him the harder it's going to get. Just walk out the door with your daughter and don't turn back.

Are you afraid of him if you have a big argument? Would he do anything other than be grumpy and rude? (Which is bad enough, btw)

His behaviour is not normal for men. You shouldn't have to expect it or put up with it. Many many men would be appalled at the way your boyfriend was behaving, and would tell him so.

Please don't think any of this is normal because "that's what men do". It's disgusting and not normal. I feel so fucking angry thinking of him grabbing you and shoving you towards himself like that, like you're some kind of possession he gets to degrade and use for fun whenever he feels like it. There's nothing funny about it. How would you feel if your daughter came to you in twenty years time telling you that her partner had done that? You'd feel angry and instantly know it was wrong, wouldn't you?

I have frequently been around my husband and his mates drinking. They used to gather here before a night out - I sometimes go with them. All normal men. Not once did they ever joke about me giving blowjobs or say anything disrespectful about me. My husband wouldn't dream of treating me like that whether alone or in private. They all treat me with respect and like a real human being. All of their girlfriends are treated the same way. That's normal. I can't imagine my husband seeing one of his friends do that and being anything other than disturbed by it. One of his friends became quite jealous and controlling at one point and he was very concerned about it and told him to sort himself out because it's not ok. You need to break away from him and this entire group of people because they sound just the same.

We grope each other at home in a fun, jokey way. We're both comfortable with this. If I found out that he actually didn't want me to do that and I'd been doing it, I'd feel so sick and ashamed of myself, thinking that I'd been enjoying something he felt uncomfortable with. That would be a normal reaction. I wouldn't keep doing it because I felt like it. I imagine you would feel the same way if the situation were reversed because you're a decent person.

You are nothing more to him than a living sex toy; seems to me that's how all his mates see you too.
How long before all of this has an effect on your daughter ?
You really, really need to wake up and get yourself and daughter out of there. Nothing, but nothing is worth risking your child's safety.

I know i need to leave. before i wasnt sure but yeah now i know i definitely have to. He has done stuff like that before but well yeah i kinda thought all guys were a bit like that :( its not like they do it in a really horrible way. like they are joking. I just couldnt make a scene in front of all of them though and say something so just let it go.

he has made jokes about blowjobs before and been like 'she is really good. we will have to have a threesome sometime.' He has never actually asked or tried to have a threesome before but just joked about it.I know though that between all his mates I'm known as the one with the big tits :(

They're all vile, OP, but rest assured they're not normal. There are lots of lovely men who would never treat their girlfriends, or their friends' girlfriends, the way those bastards treat you.

This man is just vile. Reading your posts is quite awful. You are being treated with absolute disrespect. No relationship can succeed unless both partners respect one another. He is treating you like his personal property and like his pet porn star.

I rarely say LTB but honestly, I am shocked anyone would put up with this in private, let alone in front of other people.

Yes it is quite shocking. By behaving like that towards you in front of his mates, It is like he is giving them permission to talk about you like a piece of meat. Maybe even encouraging it. It is degrading.

He sounds like an ARSE. He's basically peeing up his tree to mark his territory except you shouldn't belong to him. Even when I was a teen hanging with my bf and his lad mates drinking they would have never have spoken about me like that.

You said no, he should listen and stop.

He doesn't respect you, he thinks you are just his tip brag to his mates about.

Please think about whether that's how you want to live and how you want your daughter to be raised

Thankyou for all your support everyone.
He has always been like that really. I think his mates have got worse. They never use to be that bad but i kind of never really realised how bad it was until everyones posts on here.

I just thought yeah most of the jokes get directed to me because its a group of men and I'm the only woman. the top he wanted me to wear was quite low cut and tight. Is like he wants to show me off. I feel embarrased posting it on here :( and yeah he sometimes touches my breasts in front of them