Feeling really uncomfortable after this exchange...

[Sassypants82]

Just went with DH to pick up our DS from creche. As we were getting into our car, I gears a little shout & looking into the car beside us, saw the little baby (about 8 months old) of another mother, whose child attends creche. She was just sitting in her seat & responded to my smile and seemed happy & relaxed. We all know this is wrong, incredibly dangerous & seriously illegal. We've all heard the terrible stories of babies perishing in hot weather etc. I said to my husband that I wanted to wait until the mother came out and back to her baby. At this, he got really (strangely) agitated & stressfully asked me to 'please get into the fucking car'. My DH & I do not speak to one another like this & I'm appalled that he spoke to me, like that, in front of my almost 3 year old.
He was so agitated & strange that I got into the car as opposed to waiting with the baby as I wanted to. I said I felt very uncomfortable about leaving her & he said that I need to report her & take her number plate in that case, not approach her outside creche & create a 'situation'.

1. I had no intention of losing the plot with her, rather remind her that this is not OK & that her dd was shouting & I suppose somewhat shame her into thinking twice the next time.
2. I was NOT happy with how my DH spoke to me & calmly said so. He replied that he didn't want me acting vigilante, basically.

I reminded him that I am responsible for my own behavior & it's not within his control to ask me to do, or not behave however I decide to, as I'm an independent adult. Furthermore, I told him his tone & language us not acceptable & I will not allow him to speak to me like that. I would have liked to discuss it more but DS was getting a little upset & picking up on vibes. He has gone to paint our nursery furniture now & I'm with DS who is happily having his Friday evening TV time. I feel so uncomfortable at the fact that I left a baby locked in a car and at how DH spoke to me. This is VERY out of character for him though none the less acceptable. I'd be so embarrassed to relay this exchange to my friends. I am 36 was pregnant, incase that's relevant & the other mother's older child had downs syndrome, which I think made my DH particularly worried about me saying something to her. I will discuss this more with him when DS is sleeping but I feel absolutely awful about both incidents now. I know I should have waited with the baby. Feel horrible.

Good grief: what with this and the bike/water/phone/banging on the car thread, is everyone being a policeman for the day?

Ah! It was World Book Day! That explains it. Were you dressed like this, OP?

I don't tolerate swearing in my relationship either op, so I understand where you are coming from and would have told dp I felt hurt by him speaking to me like that.

I think your hormones made you overly sensitive to the perceived risk to a young baby. I say this because stopping and thinking for a moment would have made it obvious that a woman with possibly two children under 3, one with of whom has SEN, is probably as far from deliberately irresponsible as pluto is from earth. Also you had no idea what sort of a day she had. She could have been on the brink of collapse , just about getting through a tough week (a scenario I doubt is that unlikely, given her circumstances) and there you would have been, making her feel more rubbish and less on top of it all than she suspects she normally isn't anyway, no matter how politely you framed it.

And as double standards as it is, men often expect their wives to be more kind and thoughtful than they are. Your DH clocked the woman's circumstances immediately, and I think was incredulous at your lack of forethought and compassion and embarrassed for you.

I'm sure your DH loves you, but this aspect of your behaviour obviously grated on him as well as your apparent lack of sympathy for a woman whose shoes I bet you would never want to walk in for one week, let alone a lifetime. I suggest you try and put yourself in other people's shoes more often.

I've had numerous irate customers demanding we put a tanoy announcement out for the parents of the unattended child to return to their car…
Now, its not something that i have done myself, however, i will not shame anyone (for doing what they are obviously okay with for whatever reason) because some nosey bastard decides they know best and its wrong etc