Feeling really uncomfortable after this exchange...

[Sassypants82]

Just went with DH to pick up our DS from creche. As we were getting into our car, I gears a little shout & looking into the car beside us, saw the little baby (about 8 months old) of another mother, whose child attends creche. She was just sitting in her seat & responded to my smile and seemed happy & relaxed. We all know this is wrong, incredibly dangerous & seriously illegal. We've all heard the terrible stories of babies perishing in hot weather etc. I said to my husband that I wanted to wait until the mother came out and back to her baby. At this, he got really (strangely) agitated & stressfully asked me to 'please get into the fucking car'. My DH & I do not speak to one another like this & I'm appalled that he spoke to me, like that, in front of my almost 3 year old.
He was so agitated & strange that I got into the car as opposed to waiting with the baby as I wanted to. I said I felt very uncomfortable about leaving her & he said that I need to report her & take her number plate in that case, not approach her outside creche & create a 'situation'.

1. I had no intention of losing the plot with her, rather remind her that this is not OK & that her dd was shouting & I suppose somewhat shame her into thinking twice the next time.
2. I was NOT happy with how my DH spoke to me & calmly said so. He replied that he didn't want me acting vigilante, basically.

I reminded him that I am responsible for my own behavior & it's not within his control to ask me to do, or not behave however I decide to, as I'm an independent adult. Furthermore, I told him his tone & language us not acceptable & I will not allow him to speak to me like that. I would have liked to discuss it more but DS was getting a little upset & picking up on vibes. He has gone to paint our nursery furniture now & I'm with DS who is happily having his Friday evening TV time. I feel so uncomfortable at the fact that I left a baby locked in a car and at how DH spoke to me. This is VERY out of character for him though none the less acceptable. I'd be so embarrassed to relay this exchange to my friends. I am 36 was pregnant, incase that's relevant & the other mother's older child had downs syndrome, which I think made my DH particularly worried about me saying something to her. I will discuss this more with him when DS is sleeping but I feel absolutely awful about both incidents now. I know I should have waited with the baby. Feel horrible.

@EssieTregowan I must admit that did cross my mind, at the sentence he got really (strangely) agitated & stressfully asked me to 'please get into the fucking car'.

Either that, or the OP has form for public confrontation with people she feels are breaking the law.

If I had left my child in the car while I popped into the crech to pick up my older child, I would have been very unimpressed to return to my car to find you waiting next to it to "remind me that this was not OK" and to "shame me". And I might have expressed how unimpressed I was with your interference slightly more strongly than your DH did.

Of course if you are not in the UK and the temperatures are soaring where you are, then that's a different matter. But here it's March, it's pissing down with rain and it's about six degrees.

Your husband is having an affair with the woman and didn't want you to speak to her while he was there

And it was his baby?

I'm getting the feeling your husband thinks you have form and couldn't be arsed with it. Especially if you had been told to fuck off and he would have got earache all the way home about the rudeness of people you're just trying to help.

"Have I not got the right to 'police' My DH's behavior if that behavior is to speak abusively to me? "

He wasn't abusive, you have less rights than you think.

I think that yes, perhaps I am more anxious when pregnant but I think an infant alone in a car would bother me regardless.

I just want to reiterate that I had absolutely no intention of lecturing the mother & 'shame her' was the wrong expression to use. But I would have liked to wait with the baby & supervise her and doing that would have caused some sort of conversation, obviously, but I had no intention of it being anything other than respectful but with the hope that she would not leave her dd unattended again. I don't think it's OK to do that.

Thanks for all the comments. I'll take them on board.

I'd have stayed until the child's parent returned. I wouldn't have said anything to the parent though. And I'd have laughed at my dh and ignored him.

Whattodowiththepoo, I think the way he spoke to me was aggressive & abusive.

I had a parent try and tell me how I should be parenting the other day, she won't be doing it again.
What right do you have to try and shame another parent into parenting differently, parenting to your standards??
You have absolutely no idea why she leaves her 8 month old in the car and unless there was any imminent danger have absolutely no right to interfere.

Gosh yes - my first thought was your DH is having affair with the woman and is possibly also the father of baby!

If you really spoke to your husband in the way that you have written, then it probably came across as incredibly patronising and I'm not surprised he was annoyed. I don't think the initial situation was particularly dangerous although maybe not ideal.

He didn't talk to you very nicely but it sounds like he knew you were going to be a dick to this other mother. Maybe she had made risk assessment and decided it was safer to leave the baby there than carry it while also managing an older child with additional needs? Its not your place to confront her about her parenting.

Noted whysthat.
I didn't see it from that perspective but of course you're right. It was motivated by the way I think it should be done & you're absolutely right, I don't know of her reasoning. I appreciate your input.

I agree with EdenX.

What did you think was going to happen to the baby anyway?

Everyone does seem to be piling on the OP a bit. I can see where you were coming from and also agree that the way your husband spoke to you in front of your kid was not ok. I think the strong reaction here is everyone disliking a judgy mum - but I do hear more genuine concern than judgement in your post

I reminded him that I am responsible for my own behavior & it's not within his control to ask me to do, or not behave however I decide to, as I'm an independent adult.

And yet you were going to do the same to this mother.

I think you over reacted.

In a slightly anxious frame of mind I would worry about someone stealing the car with the baby in it. Is that mad? Probably...

Sorry pressed send to soon.

I would however have a word with your husband, about how he spoke to you

Do you often get involved in, or say negative things to your H about, other peoples behaviour?

Might explain your H's agitation. Agree that swearing at you was not on.

When I was a baby it was common practice for all the prams to be parked up outside shops in a row with the babies in them whilst the mums were inside shopping. This baby was snug inside a warm car. Can't see the problem tbh. And I would not appreciate some busy body being all sanctimonious to me about a perfectly legal decision I had made about my own parenting.

I get anxious and might've worried and hung around pretending to be on the phone in my car or something the mum came out, but what good could come of "having a word"?

It's really difficult to steal cars without keys these days!

Of course you could have compromised and waited in your car until the mum approached the car and left without her ever knowing about the 'supervision' but that would have defeated the point for you!

I really don't like babies/young children being left alone in cars, and don't do it myself, but I wouldn't dream of engineering a conversation with another mother with the aim to stop her doing it again, that's really crossing a line imo and I don't see how it could across as anything other than incredibly sanctimonious in all honesty.

So, you were going to lecture this woman and tell her how to act, and your husband is abusive for telling you how to act???

To me it is significant the baby was happy and relaxed not

In these circs I would have faffed around until I could see the mother on her way back regardless of the temperature or location (well not if on somebody's driveway).

Regarding your DH if he was anticipating a scene he was probably brusque and not minding his language in front of DS.

Oops missed a line
To me it is significant the baby was happy and relaxed not screaming and distressed.