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Original poster

Cuddling while sleeping

110 replies

jouu · 28/02/2017 17:02

We were discussing this last night. BF is very big on cuddling up all night, every night, forgoing blankets in favour of body heat where necessary.

Luckily I love it, but he's dated women who hate it and won't be touched while sleeping/trying to sleep, and others who revel in it (I'm one of the latter). He has actually split up with a woman that he liked a lot because she couldn't bear to be cuddled at night and it depressed him too much. He has been like this since childhood when his dad used to snuggle him and his brother until they fell asleep at night.

Do you like to cuddle up with your OH at night? Do you prefer to fall asleep not touching and cuddle up later when it's cooler? Etc? How does OH feel about it?

I take medication that makes me slightly sleepy which probably means I have a higher tolerance for snuggling up. I don't live with my BF so I think I get a good recharge of oxytocin from the nights we do spend together. When I'm premenstrual in particular I find it really comforting/therapeutic and I'll be in a much better mood the next day.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 28/02/2017 18:50

Personally I would hate it, in fact I don't even share a bedroom with my DH - I need my own space. I think my DH would prefer us to share a bedroom but as we can't compromise on light/temperature/duvet thickness/times we each go to bed/get up - it's just all too much trouble .

Jazzywazzydodah · 28/02/2017 18:51

rag snap!

Dh moved in to the spare room when I was heavily pregnant with dd3 as I could have knifed him with his snoring.

We both have very comfy beds and not willing to give up the starfish

KatieScarlett · 28/02/2017 18:53

No. I love my DH very very much but for the love of God, keep to your own side of the bed.
Thankfully he is fine with that.

Cheerybigbottom · 28/02/2017 18:54

When OH and I lived 200 miles apart pre kids, cuddling all night two nights a week was lovely. Now we've lived together 8 years and have a young dc our sleep patterns are difficult. He's a heavy sleeper/snores and I require space and quiet to sleep. He would love us to cuddle all night but I get up several times a night with my disturbed sleep pattern and I don't want to wake him.

Also can't stand him being facing me and breathing on me I need earplugs for the snoring as it is

TBH when we had separate rooms when dc was a baby it was quite nice

DearMrDilkington · 28/02/2017 19:00

I hate to think how clingy he was as a baby if his like this as an adult!

I'm not a cuddle person, I'd hate to have someone breathing in my ear all night. The thought makes me itch.

HappenstanceMarmite · 28/02/2017 19:01

I take medication that makes me slightly sleepy which probably means I have a higher tolerance for snuggling up. I don't live with my BF

Sounds like you might be in trouble if either circumstances changed (the meds + not living together). Far easier to be the perfect girlfriend if you keep a distance. A couple of nights a week is a whole world away from living with someone. Trust me. I've been there...for 11years with an ex I wouldn't move in with. He was highly demanding and controlling. It was fun/novel at first but it was never going to turn into a live-in relationship. Because high maintenance is not sustainable 24/7.

ScarletForYa · 28/02/2017 19:12

No. I'd go insane. I have to turn away from whomever I'm sleeping with (DH or dd) and I need to keep moving to new patches of cold sheets.

Someone warm and snuggly at night disturbs me.

Wingsofdesire · 28/02/2017 19:24

Completely and utterly cuddled up - that's how we sleep. Versions of different cuddle positions some nights, others just in one spooned position, but always by morning entwined. I never had that before him - I was the other type of woman - I wanted them over the other side of the bed, hated their breathing, found them irritating - I think because I didn't have the right chemistry with them.

But when I found DP, from the first moment we had this amazing sleeping thing. I was astonished. I even love his snoring! It is like a dreamy, reassuring sort of muzak ... I love his breathing ... I love his whole body, like a country laid out by me. Every bit of it. And we seem to fit so perfectly. He is just that bit longer than me, so my feet can lie snugly on top of his. We take turns to wiggle our toes. There are so many ways we lie together. It's amazing. I feel lucky to have it.

Original poster

jouu · 28/02/2017 19:43

Wings that second paragraph is how I feel too! I also like his snoring. lol. And yes I think it is chemistry, it was like a cosmic feeling of everything clicking into place when we first slept a night together.

OP posts:

MissBeehiving · 28/02/2017 19:43

If DH wasn't so hot then it would be more enticing but that man must have molten lava running through his veins.

Wingsofdesire · 28/02/2017 19:50

And period pain ... just melts away after a few moments of skin contact with his back. As if by magic. And any headaches or any kind of pain. If I every have had anything that's hurt a lot, like a strange thing with my neck once, and a hurt foot, just lying next to him makes it bearable.

It's a very strong bond, which is amazing in some ways, but disabling in others. I'd probably be better off if it wasn't quite so strong. I do think, though, that it must be to do with chemistry, because with the two other guys I've ever slept in a bed with, I couldn't stand them anywhere near me. Weird.

And, our DD comes in every night. And snuggles on the other side of me. I'm in the middle of the sandwich : ) I was totally completely against the whole co-sleeping thing with children, and didn't allow it under any circs with DS (first husband), but with second I just feel wrong if she doesn't join us. We are literally like puppies in a basket.

I think it's very natural. Feels very safe. Very protected. Very energising. I like the harmony of the energy that is between the two of us, and has been expressed in the physical reality of our daughter, all resonating together. It feels very powerful - makes us all feel our strength, I think. And we sleep very well : )

ApplePieLikes · 28/02/2017 19:53

A sweet little thread ... for a change

c3pu · 28/02/2017 19:56

I love it for about 30 seconds until I realise I'm never gonna get to sleep, then I fuck off to the edge of the bed and build some kind of impenetrable wall with pillows

fruityb · 28/02/2017 21:41

Aw wings I loved reading that

SelfObsessionHoney · 28/02/2017 21:46

Good god no.
We don't even go to bed together. And I wear ear plugs all night so I don't have to hear him let alone cuddle! He had his side and I have mine.

JasmineBuckles · 28/02/2017 21:53

I was completely anti cuddling until I met my DP. He said he hated sleeping at opposite sides of our king sized bed, which for a long time was the only way I could sleep.

Now we do the sleeping entwined all night thing, which he loves. I can take it or leave it, but the only thing that has made it bearable is having no heating on in the bedroom and the window open, even today when it was snowing when we woke up.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2017 21:58

I'm perimenopausal and at certain times of the month sleep on terry sheets with another towel on top and on my pillow because I'm such a sweaty mess. The thought of cuddling every night is nauseating.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 28/02/2017 21:58

I can't bear cuddling for any longer than a minute or two. I also have a pillow between me and DH, like a PP, so that his red hot body heat doesn't overheat me and we don't stick together. We sometimes wake up holding hands though, even though we don't get into that position whilst conscious!

Fluffylittleraccoon · 28/02/2017 21:59

I'm not a cuddler. DH is big on cuddling. The compromise is a quick cuddle as soon as we're in bed, and then don't touch me. I push him away if he cuddles for too long. He knows I love him, I just prefer to sleep with a little space.

SleepFreeZone · 28/02/2017 22:03

God no. We sleep in separate beds and I love it.

lazytuesday · 28/02/2017 22:03

noooo i sleep in a separate bed quite often. If weve had sex ill wait till hes asleep then come back to my other bed.
Im on medication for sleep too and i still dont sleep next to him. I cant sleep with anyone else in the room at all not even my DS who is 20 months.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 28/02/2017 22:08

Initially I thought it was a bit weird too but now seeing your update about not living together and why I think the whole set up sounds like bliss!!

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 28/02/2017 22:12

There's an Everybody Loves Raymond episode about this very subject! Can't do links but you can probably Google it. Personally, I liked my ex cuddling me before we drifted off to sleep but I don't think I could be doing with close contact all night. At the end of the day, he likes what he likes, has been honest with you and you feel the same way, which is great - but I kind of agree with PPs, breaking up with someone because they don't want to be held all night does seem a bit odd. As far as deal breakers go, it's a strange one. There must be more to it, surely?

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 28/02/2017 22:16

If he broke up with her because she wouldn't cuddle all night, how does he feel knowing you won't move in together and so he'll be sleeping alone several nights a week?

Unicorn81 · 28/02/2017 22:18

my partner would love to cuddle but i hate it, especially in bed. I need space, hate to be too hot (have fan on even in winter) and i have this weird phobia/ feeling of being trapped if he even puts his arm around me in bed.

He jokes that he needs hug strangers as even the dog doesnt like to cuddle (again i think is feeling trapped as he is a rescue dog and not comfortable with our arms around him). Poor DP

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