Cuddling while sleeping

[jouu]

We were discussing this last night. BF is very big on cuddling up all night, every night, forgoing blankets in favour of body heat where necessary.

Luckily I love it, but he's dated women who hate it and won't be touched while sleeping/trying to sleep, and others who revel in it (I'm one of the latter). He has actually split up with a woman that he liked a lot because she couldn't bear to be cuddled at night and it depressed him too much. He has been like this since childhood when his dad used to snuggle him and his brother until they fell asleep at night.

Do you like to cuddle up with your OH at night? Do you prefer to fall asleep not touching and cuddle up later when it's cooler? Etc? How does OH feel about it?

I take medication that makes me slightly sleepy which probably means I have a higher tolerance for snuggling up. I don't live with my BF so I think I get a good recharge of oxytocin from the nights we do spend together. When I'm premenstrual in particular I find it really comforting/therapeutic and I'll be in a much better mood the next day.

I'm a massive cuddle fan, one of the worst things is when the start of the relationship has cuddle filled nights, only to be replaced by the reality of non-cuddlers who just done it during 'honeymoon period'. It depresses me too tbh. I can understand his point of view.

Gosh, I didn't expect anyone to say it is messed up to want to cuddle all night, or to not want to continue a relationship if you're a cuddler and the other person isn't.

My ex would never cuddle ever, I managed it for 10 years and over time it wore me down tbh. To be cuddled all night a couple of nights a week is AMAZING for me.

We sleep alone most of the week so maybe that's why it feels so wonderful to be close all night when we are together.

We do spend periods of the night not touching much - maybe back to back - but we are always touching. Maybe people are imagining a full on hug all night long, I can see how my OP might have given that impression.

When one of us is sick we don't touch as much, sure. It's not a dealbreaker in that sense. But if it was a situation where I never, ever wanted to be cuddled at all at night, and he was staring at a lifetime of not being able to do the thing he likes best, we wouldn't have lasted more than a few weeks I suppose.

I think of it like being into something like BDSM... it's unusual sure, but is it "messed up" to end a relationship with someone who isn't into BDSM when it's your absolute favourite thing? I don't think so. It's just something that's on your list of things you want in a partner.

I'm not much of a cuddler generally and especially not in my sleep!

My kids want to sleep in bed with me/us. I fecking hate it. Luckily DH can sleep through a cuddle.

I love a good cuddle in bed but I do need my own space to sleep so roll away when I've had enough. It's cluastaphobic to be wrapped in someone's arms all night and I don't like sharing the same air space if in close proximity. Spooning is acceptable.

Well I think BDSM is pretty messed up, so.

I agree Op, I like to be touching in some way at all times, even if its backs touching or feet touching. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, I think I would feel sad if I spent the night not touching my partner.

Cripes. He sounds needy!

I love cuddles before going to sleep, but once asleep I hate to be touched at all. My DH knows this and keeps very clearly to his zone.

Hate it. I'm not a cuddly person in general but when I'm trying to get to sleep it really pisses me off, especially as I can only sleep on my belly.

I was lucky in my first relationship, he hated cuddling in bed as much as I did. Next bf was the opposite, would literally wrap his whole body around mine, kick off because I wouldn't lie on his chest (I was taller than him - my feet would be dangling out of the bed) and generally act like a needy, whiny baby if I refused to cuddle all night.

Needless to say I am now happily single

I dont mind cuddling. Its my dp crushing me in his sleep thats the problem

We're a really tactile family, lots of cuddles and hugs, the DCs jump into our bed if they've time most mornings for a quick squish because they love it too. That said, I would possibly consider setting fire to anyone who wanted to touch me through the night. I can't stand being held all night, or even some of the night. I hug him before I go to sleep, tell him I love him then he knows the no-mans-land between us isn't to be entered again before 6am unless he wants to be maimed. Fortunately he's exactly the same and likes space.

DS1 hasn't ever been one for cuddling if he shared our bed when he was tiny. DS2 is 6 and would sleep with us every night given the chance, and as a baby when we co-slept he was like a human scarf that would drape itself across me in various positions all designed to make me dream of ways to emigrate without the DCs. I think maybe that's why I like my space so much. Til the DCs arrived I didn't much care either way.

Should've mentioned in my post - I love cuddling my son and am secretly quite pleased on the nights when I hear him shout to get in my bed. But he is the only person (including other close family) that I am happy to cuddle.

Oh my god, no! I can't stand being touched while I'm trying to sleep! Quick cuddle when we get into bed then onto our own sides.

Mostly I am openly hostile about my side of the bed.

I cannot be doing with being crowded or breathed on.

Poor dh quite likes a cuddle, but he always ends up settling his arm round my waist and it's so uncomfortable, it feels like I am seconds away from being folded up. Apparently I can bark "HAND!! ..up or down" in my sleep.

I tend to starfish across the bed, and dh likes has to to sleep on the edge, so there's not much cuddle quotient in our bed.

What would you do if you moved in together and didn't fancy being held/clung on to all night?

I think it's a bit possessive/controlling, although I hate being cuddled to sleep.

What would you do if you moved in together and didn't fancy being held/clung on to all night?

Well, I am not going to move in with him ever, so there's that for a start.

But I suppose if we did, in some alternate universe, then we'd either make it work somehow (maybe I'd end up wanting to cuddle every night, maybe he'd want to cuddle less knowing that I was always there, etc.) or not, and we'd both move on to other partners. What else should happen?

He's the opposite of possessive and controlling in that if someone doesn't want to do it, he doesn't make them, or sulk or strop about it, or hang around hoping they'll change... he just moves on and finds someone who is more like him. Again... and this is a genuine question, what's the alternative?

I used to be able to sleep semi cuddling but after falling asleep with my now ex's arm under my neck once and being woken in the night by him nearly wrenching my head off my neck to free his arm (it was so painful I didn't sleep the rest of the night) in future I'll be making sure I fall asleep separate from the next man I share a bed with

My ex was a bit like your bf though OP but maybe more odd. If you moved away from him while he was sleeping he would move towards you and recuddle you, all while still asleep. He wouldn't remember it in the morning.

We cuddle every night except if too tired, sick etc. I love it.

It's not messed up OP some people are more tactile than others. I would have ended it with someone if they didn't like cuddles, being touched etc.

I was discussing this with a lady at work a few months ago (not cuddling to sleep but cuddling in general) as there's been a recent study that shows that people who didn't get much physical affection as children have a strong need for it as adults, whereas the people who got cuddles etc from their parents didn't. She very much needed cuddles to feel loved, and I'll happily settle for a fist bump 👊

It's not about being touched or having cuddles though is it, it's about doing that all night, every night, I mean really, let me bloody breath!

Why aren't you ever going to move in together?

I certainly don't think it's messed up at all, just not for everyone. I can't be doing with it personally however, plenty of people from experience are

Why aren't you ever going to move in together?

I just don't want to. I like my own house and my DC is young and I can't be doing with the whole stepfather/stepchild dynamic. Prefer to keep boyfriends as boyfriends - dates, fun times etc.

The idea of washing each other's socks, having to combine furniture, cooking rotas etc sounds much, MUCH more suffocating to me than being cuddled 2-3 nights out of 7

Yes why are you never moving in (getting interesting..)

I like a cuddle before going to sleep, then I usually shove him off! My boyfriend does tend to still touch in some way though, I lay on my side and he might have his hand resting on my hip or bum, or his leg against mine. He always snuggles up for a morning cuddle, before he gets up too in hope he'll get morning sex
If you're happy and he's happy, I wouldn't worry.

Cross post !

But what a sensible approach !