Staying if you don't find your DH attractive?

[PiedsPortable]

I have NC for this.

Been with DH over 10 years. Have one DC. I am not sure if I love DH, I don't even like him sometimes. I don't find him attractive. I married as was desperate for DC, and realise this was a mistake.
My life now if deep down unhappy but sort of bearable. Tempted to have affairs as feel unfulfiled and bored, besides being unhappy. Have tried to talk to DH but he just says 'you're not' when I say I'm unhappy. Unsure how to deal with someone telling you you don't know how you feel. My Mother used to do the same.

I expect I'll get little sympathy for making a mistake of marrying him, but I do love DC so one good thing has come out of it.

I have depression and various therapists have said my mother caused me lots of issues and that relationship with DH is sustaining it.

Not sure what I'm asking for really - just advice, opinions I suppose, wondering if there's anyone in a similar situation. I feel very lonely and embarrassed to confide in anyone in RL.

You may want to read the thread as the OP married this man, purely to have a child.

She never loved him, she never really wanted to be with him.

On the face of it, I feel very sorry for him and personally think the best thing for everyone concerned is for the relationship to end.

The relationship should have ended long before the OP "tried" to have affairs.

The OP would not be the first person to marry because of wanting a child urgently. It must be a very common reason, and often possibly even an unconscious one at the time.

A lot of sexual feeling can come from wanting a child too, and trick a person into thinking they love someone more than they do.

So I think the OP is just being honest.

From what you say, I am not sure if you want to leave, or if you want to make things work with your husband. You say you had problems with your mother, have you worked through all this aspect of your life yet, I wonder? Maybe take one step at a time for sorting out your feelings and then see how things go.

If you feel you would like to make things work, perhaps get some help with that and try to do things together with your husband to build on your relationship.

Sorry, I had not read the full thread before and missed the sexual abuse/low self esteem sex (it is not clear) you encountered in your past. I too think you need counselling urgently. Something in what you write makes it seem as though you have lost touch with all your feelings and you don't know where to begin.

Op I'm in a similar situation. I moved out for a trial separation but still don't know if it was the right thing to do. We are both pretty unhappy right now but I think it's probably short term pain long term gain. It's so tough though and I feel so guilty. And getting used to weekends without dd is tough. Wish I had the answers!