Am I being gaslighted?

[AllTheBestPeopleAre]

This morning dh left for work and I woke up to him getting a pair of socks and boxers out of his draw, I asked him what are you doing he said getting some socks and boxers and left it as that, he was already dressed.

I woke up this morning and thought why was taking those.

Texting him today I asked him why he'd took them as he was already he said he only took socks because he had nothing on his feet. I am adamant he had boxers too. And he said boxers.

He's now calling me a dick and saying I'm making him out to be a liar but the thing is I seen the boxers in his hand.

Since splitting up and getting back together I've felt paranoid and even come off medication wandering if it was that that was making me feel that way. But I'm also not allowed to know the pin to his phone which was never a problem before.

I just don't know if it's my gut instinct or I am paranoid.

To be honest it sounds like he's gas lighting you. That's a horrid and nasty thing to do. Leave him. It's not going to get better, it'll only get worse.

I did check with my consultant first and I slowly came off meds.

He ate his tea in silence, had a bath and is in now sat in bed. He won't talk now.

Thank you all for those that understand where I'm coming from

Have you checked his dirty underwear yet OP

I think gaslighted too. Its not the boxers. Its the lying about them and making her doubt herself when she KNOWS what she saw. And then calling her names because she doesnt believe his lies. One of them a dick but its not OP.

He was definitely fully dressed? Not just top half and about to get dressed on the bottom half?

It sounds as though there is a back story OP otherwise you would have just sleepily dismissed it - not go riffling through his underwear drawer.

Um, do you know what he has on now? Weird question but may explain the missing pair? Does a man planning an afternoon illicit shag really take a spare pair of socks?

He even said he was fully dressed but back tracked but needed socks. When he actually said boxers and socks and took them both, he was fully dressed though.

I'm not necessarily saying he was going out to do whatever I just thought it was a bit

Exactly mysterious And then when he comes home starts saying it was 4am you were half asleep your head is gone, etc and I'm just like

Isn't that how gas lighting starts? Get the other person doubting themselves over little/insignificant things over a period of time. Then using these times as examples of why the person being gas lighted has a poor memory/unreliable, etc to undermine them.

I see where you are coming from. Yes it is gaslighting.

Really? wow. The one time we fell out we were talking about 2 separate arguments (I know).. and over and over again he kept saying "You can't remember, you can't remember".. then he goes "you don't even know what day it is" like what? I was completely speechless. I'm just a normal person there is no reason I wouldn't know what day it is

Why have you got back with him?
Regardless of whether he is or not gashlighting you, he doesn't sound a nice person TBH.

Yes, I think if you are in a relationship where you have to ask if you are being gaslighted then that's not great, is it?

Do you have DCs together?

Ditch him. Fast. He's manipulative and messing with your head.

I don't understand why taking a pair of boxers would signify an affair.

Surely he would remove boxers in order to indulge in an afternoon shag, and then put them back on again?

We can't any of us trust our own eyes because research into eyewitness testimonies proves over and over again that we are usually wrong.

Either he never had them, or you saw him with the boxers as he got dressed and combined two memories, or he held them briefly for another reason and has forgotten.

Ask him where they are now.

Op. You know what you saw, please don't wait for him to agree with you, he is playing games with your mind, otherwise known as gas lighting.
But you are a two ahead of him because your instincts tell you this is not right. A loving relationship is one where you don't have to jump through the other persons hoops, and where you are supported, not undermined. And you know this, or you wouldn't have started this thread.
Please act now, if you can't move out straight away, start planning how you can put this in place. Is there anyone who can support you?

I remember once doing a full day of laundry where every basket in the house was empty. The following morning, there were two of DH's shirts, two vests, two pairs of boxers, two pairs of socks in the basket. Thought it slightly strange at the time.

Months later, it all fell into place. He's my ex now.

I'm with you on this. Your gut instinct has kicked in.
Don't mention it again, but you will see if they appear in the washing soon.

No wonder my xh was able to cheat on me I must be really stupid, still no idea why a spare pair of boxers would be necessary for cheating.

Denying saying something when you clearly remember he did IS gaslighting. I think some people are caught up in the socks and boxers story. If you change the story to 'I woke up and asked him what he was doing and he said I'm borrowing your car today' and then totally denied this conversation later when you couldn't find your keys, that would be gas lighting too. He is trying to make you doubt your memory, that is gas lighting

But for what purpose in this example?

If you are asking this question of me HappyJanuary the purpose of this example is to actually answer the OP's question "Am I being gaslighted?' by giving another example of what gas lighting actually can be. Without getting into the socks and boxers thing which seems to have caused some hilarity to some.

Sorry no, what would be the purpose of gas lighting about socks/boxers?

It's a genuine question. Everything I know about gaslighting is that it's used to deflect suspicion, but what's suspicious about a man getting underwear out of a drawer, why would he need to lie about it?