Am I being gaslighted?

[AllTheBestPeopleAre]

This morning dh left for work and I woke up to him getting a pair of socks and boxers out of his draw, I asked him what are you doing he said getting some socks and boxers and left it as that, he was already dressed.

I woke up this morning and thought why was taking those.

Texting him today I asked him why he'd took them as he was already he said he only took socks because he had nothing on his feet. I am adamant he had boxers too. And he said boxers.

He's now calling me a dick and saying I'm making him out to be a liar but the thing is I seen the boxers in his hand.

Since splitting up and getting back together I've felt paranoid and even come off medication wandering if it was that that was making me feel that way. But I'm also not allowed to know the pin to his phone which was never a problem before.

I just don't know if it's my gut instinct or I am paranoid.

Thank you MumsKnitter I most defiantly saw them in his hand, he even said to me boxers and socks but is now denying it. When he gets in he will deny it and will try and confuse the situation.

AllThe I don't know for sure,but i think my spidey senses would be tingling too. And i would be upset not only by his actions,but by his attitude as well when you question him.

He's just got back and is adamant he only took socks but so what if he did take boxers too, and said my head is gone.

I said to him I seen them in your hand and you even said boxers, he said no you didn't it was 4am you were half asleep.

Lots of posters don't seem to understand gas lighting at all. You are not being weird at all. I've been there and its these small things that start to add up and you start to get confused and doubt yourself. But after all that's what they want.
Write things down so you know you're not going mad.

4am bloody hell. Where was he going? He probably thought you'd be asleep.

I agree he seems to be gaslighting, but if he came back home on the same day then why would taking an extra pair of boxers signify that he was having an affair? I don't get why he would take an extra pair unless he was going to the gym or showering during the day. Would there be any reason for him to shower during the day? Does he have a messy or active job?

Did you latterly find the THIRD pair you were searching for this morning ? have they reappeared in the laundry...

for the record... I believe you saw him with these items in his hands .. and you do not need help x

but if he came back home on the same day then why would taking an extra pair of boxers signify that he was having an affair?

Perhaps he fucked someone during the day? Isn't that the point?

or more commonly known too as.......

AFTERNOON DELIGHT

Do you notice that he often appears to 'correct you', but you don't feel wrong, or is this a one-off?

Ask for the pin to his phone. If he refuses show him the door. He's messing you around.

Lilac when we're arguing about something yes all the time. A while ago now we were bickering about something silly and he tried making out I said something I never, I was completely gobsmacked, speachless, he was going on and on about this argument and I just felt suffocated and couldn't even find the words to say to him because I just couldn't believe what he was saying he will talk over the top of me.

I don't necessarily want to ask him for his pin because he doesn't have to give me, and I don't want to look controlling. I know he wouldn't anyway.

Chuck -But why he need an extra pair of boxers for that? I just don't get it. His boxers would clearly be off anyway during the act so why would he need to replace them and raise suspicion in the first place by doing so? I don't change my knickers every time me and my husband have sex but maybe that's just me

the Boxer thing is annoying me though.... why lie x

He's gone to the gym, who wants to still wear sweaty boxers and socks. Do you not change your knickers after a work out?

It does sound like gaslighting to me, and him calling you a dick is horrible:(

This isn't about socks and boxers. It's about feeling manipulated.

In a normal relationship you wouldn't be trying to carefully reflect on what you can remember as though it will be changed for you. He isn't necessarily having an affair, but this sounds like gaslighting.

fwiw OP I didn't doubt your version of events, just thought if there was a chance he was actually wearing the missing one

"He's now calling me a dick and saying I'm making him out to be a liar"

His responses are not nice and not helping anyway.

What meds did you come off ? Did you check with GP first?

Hope you are feeling better tonight. Observe but pick your battles or you ll drive yourself insane. (Yeeeeears of experience with gas lighting mother)

That's the thing about gaslighting; it can often be excused and explained away. I spent years doubting myself. My ex made me feel like I was a total lunatic.
You are amazing because you can see there's something going on. Trust those gut instincts.
I would advise you to find your local domestic abuse hotline number and give them a call. Just have a chat about your worries; I'm assuming this isn't the only thing that's been worrying you. No need to do anything rash, but just have a chat in confidence and see what the experts think. I don't think you'll regret it x

This is possible one of the weirdest threads I've read in a while.

Me too.

Tbh if you are at the point of counting his underwear then the relationship is over.

the underwear is not relevant .....

it's the actions and behaviour of the DH.... at the time and after the event...

the underwear is not relevant

Actually it is. If you are driven to the point of checking underwear then imo it is part of the picture that is showing the trust has gone.

I'm not cheating on my husband but I hate it if he tries to use my phone. I'm very secretive with my phone and I can't explain why. I'm quite secretive in general.

I'm sure if my husband were to post on here the consensus would be that I'm having an affair. Perhaps your husband likes to keep his phone private and doesn't want you to know what he looks at or perhaps he is having an affair. It's impossible to make an educated guess from what you've said.

Arabella but i assume u were always secretive with your phone? If it was always laying about,shared pin,no issues in using it don't you see how it would seem odd if suddenly a new pin that op is not allowed to know ?