Am I being gaslighted?

[AllTheBestPeopleAre]

This morning dh left for work and I woke up to him getting a pair of socks and boxers out of his draw, I asked him what are you doing he said getting some socks and boxers and left it as that, he was already dressed.

I woke up this morning and thought why was taking those.

Texting him today I asked him why he'd took them as he was already he said he only took socks because he had nothing on his feet. I am adamant he had boxers too. And he said boxers.

He's now calling me a dick and saying I'm making him out to be a liar but the thing is I seen the boxers in his hand.

Since splitting up and getting back together I've felt paranoid and even come off medication wandering if it was that that was making me feel that way. But I'm also not allowed to know the pin to his phone which was never a problem before.

I just don't know if it's my gut instinct or I am paranoid.

He's entitled to keep his phone private, I'll never understand why couples have a need to know eachothers pins and passwords. As for the boxers situation, sounds like he's lying.

He's entitled to keep his phone private, I'll never understand why couples have a need to know eachothers pins and passwords. As for the boxers situation, sounds like he's lying.

I don't think you can be sure what you saw when half asleep.

But I find your level of distrust (paranoia?) very worrying.

Whether or not he deserves this distrust is not relevant, it is clearly not a healthy relationship if it makes you feel like this.

This is possible one of the weirdest threads I've read in a while.

In the nicest way OP do you think this relationship is worth it?

I'm reading this differently to most posters. I agree that there is definitely something going on. You didn't imagine this and the phone PIN business would make me suspicious too.

I'd drop the boxers as he'll just deny it and it's hard to prove. Focus on the phone business. Why can't you access his phone? What's changed?

I agree with others that there's no need for couples to share passwords. However as OP and her DH used to share passwords, I'm with her in wondering why he's made the change.

Why would you need or want to access your other halfs phone? Never understood this.

Possibly he's made the change because he's sick of arguing over who he texts/calls/communicates with? If my DH was this paranoid id keep my phone secret too since everything could trigger a meltdown?

Why did you guys split up?

If you thought he was taking a pair to change into after having sex with someone else I could kind of understand. But

Man has three pairs of pants
You see him, whilst your half asleep with a pair of pants
Find two pairs later

Isn't he just wearing the other pair?

I agree completely over phone privacy it was just how we shared ours in the past and now it became a problem.

I only tried accessing it the once to go on my Facebook realised the password had been changed, and he said he didn't want us knowing each others passwords so I left it.

Grey he had the third pair in his hands, he was already dressed

I think you're being pretty invasive, I'd be really concerned if my partner was questioning the whereabouts of my knicker drawer.

The pin issue would bother me. Did you ask WHY you weren't "allowed" to know if?
What were the arguments that made you split up? Trust issues?
Tbh if him getting socks and boxers causes you this much anxiety,it's not worth it. I also don't think it was a good idea to stop your meds(did you stop cold turkey or eased into it with GP supervision?) so maybe you should see your GP again. Your health and sanity is more important than having him as a partner.

Why would you need or want to access your other halfs phone? We do as he works odd shifts and I occasionally reply to an email that he is sleeping, will call them back ASAp. It stops the bloody phone ringing every 5 minutes.

He has mine as I am self employed and, should he ever need to, he could contact clients for me.

That and we only have PINS on to stop the bloody things trying to contact each other, no human hand involved

Rebel yeah I did, and he would just not talk about it, or be like "why do you need to know my pin?", "do you want to go through my phone?", and I'd say no but it was never a problem before and he'd just cut the conversation off and say I'm not going on about this all the time.

He would actually hand

Sorry posted too soon. He would actually go to hand me his phone, but I'd say no it's fine. A couple of weeks ago though I said to him out the blue pass me your phone then, and he gave it me I clicked on it, and he goes "what are you doing" and took it off me

This is what would seriously bother me. His attitude to the phone and you questioning him,being dismissive and making you feel defensive. This is an actual issue.
The socks and boxers can be linked or something innocently explained,but not something worth focusing on. Even if it never happened,it doesn't erase the other things.

This thread is so weird. OP is definitely gaslighted

I bet he's got the shits and just didn't want to get short at work

Lmao Tweed

Do you think something is dodgy then Rebel?

I think you're definitely being gaslighted. And the sudden need for privacy with his phone is suspicious too. I'd bail on the relationship if I were you. I don't think you sound at all unwell or paranoid - I don't get why other posters are saying that. You know you saw the pants in his hand. He's lying.

I would be really pissed off if my oh wanted my password and was questioning why I had an extra set of underwear in my hand. I mean fair enough a pair of boxers but why a fresh pair of socks?

Anyway, you're basically telling him loud and clear that you don't trust him and if nothings happened to doubt him then I understand why he's annoyed.

Yes, he's gaslighting you and lots of posters are helping him out by doubting your version of events.

That's how gaslighting works.