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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you forgive this lie?

122 replies

takingstock · 12/02/2017 18:55

My partner has always been quite secretive. We've been seeing each other for 8 months and I've always had the sense that he isn't being straight with me. I did have it out with him a few months ago but he got angry and told me he would never lie and he was really hurt by the suggestion. However I've never met any family, only met a few friends and he tells stories about his past that sound very far fetched. So I still don't really believe or fully trust him. But.... he is a lovely, kind, caring man. He's been brilliant with my kids and I love being with him for all the good bits of our relationship.

However, I've recently found out that he went out to a black tie dinner without me when he had told me he was doing something completely different (in quite a lot of detail).

When I found out (by digging around social media and finding some photos of him at the black tie event) I confronted him and asked him to tell me the truth. When he realised I knew where he'd been, he admitted it. He got very upset, told me it was to do with his business (and to secure our financial future), and told me he'd been wrong not to trust me with the truth.

I've forgiven him but a few weeks later I've got this nagging doubt that he never actually told me everything about that evening, only what he thought I knew, and if he was capable of lying once, how can I be sure it won't happen again.

Would you have forgiven him and how can I truly put my mind at rest?

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 12/02/2017 18:57

It's been 8 months ffs. It's not meant to be difficult.

Let him go on his way. Find someone honest.

PaulaBBB · 12/02/2017 18:57

Your gut is telling you something isn't quite right. Trust it.

End this now and save yourself the heartache that will eventually happen.

biddleyboo · 12/02/2017 18:58

Sorry OP but if he's lying in detail and making up stories then you will never feel at peace. 8 months in....cut your losses and run!
Oh and it may be my cynicism but the whole "our financial future" after only eight months smacks of future faking to me.
Love bombing, future faking, lying in detail..narcissist 101

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 12/02/2017 18:58

No I wouldn't. This doesn't sound like a one-off sadly.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2017 18:58

No.

A few months in and it is clear he is a shady fucker

You know it. Don't try to find reasons to excuse it. I expect he took OW to the black tie dinner or else why not just tell you about it ?

Working for your future ? 8 months in ? Bollocks.

Incidentally, why have you introduced a boyfriend you know is not straight up to your kids ?

AhYerWill · 12/02/2017 19:00

You'll never trust him as he's a proper shady lying fucker. If he's making up massively elaborate lies about an evening out, what the hell else is he lying about?

category12 · 12/02/2017 19:03

You've met few friends and no family, he tells shaggy dog stories, he lies about going to this event. I think you will find he's married or something.

This is the best time, when you're on good behaviour with each other in the first few months and you don't trust the man at all (for good reason). Ditch him. Raise your game.

Nicpem1982 · 12/02/2017 19:05

Nope if you can't trust him now why would you in the future

takingstock · 12/02/2017 19:06

I introduced him to the kids as the first few months were great, I got really excited and it's my first relationship since being married for fifteen years. I know I was naive.

OP posts:
MadMags · 12/02/2017 19:06

8 months. And going on about your financial future??

Run.

Janey50 · 12/02/2017 19:07

Trust your gut instinct OP. I did when in a similar situation in a previous relationship. I'm glad I did.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2017 19:08

Yes, you were naive.

But you would be really stupid to continue now it has dawned how dodgy he actually is.

Time to put it right.

TurnipCake · 12/02/2017 19:08

This guy is so shady you don't need to wear SPF.

No way in hell would I be forgiving him. And securing your financial future is a lovely load of bollocks if I ever heard it.

I doubt he went to this event unaccompanied either

bananarama75 · 12/02/2017 19:18

Seriously.Run and Fast.
Lying is never for no reason and if the excuse he's given you doesn't stack up then he's hiding something else.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/02/2017 19:25

Yes you were naïve and indeed you would be foolish at all to continue this relationship. And I would agree with the comment about him love bombing, future faking and lying in detail aspects of this man as well. That all points to a narcissist. He needs to be out of your life now.

Work on you and raise your relationship bar a lot higher.

NeeNahh · 12/02/2017 19:29

Did he explain why he lied? It seems a weird thing to lie about.

I think you should run for the hills. He sounds like a compulsive liar.

thisgirlrides · 12/02/2017 19:32

It would be very odd to attend a black-tie do (unless it was a strictly work function) & not invite a partner let alone bloody mention it! My bet is he's either married/in a ltr, has a shady past he's trying to keep secret or is planning to scam you. Whatever it might be, get as far away from him as possible and trust your gut.

Bluebellevergreen · 12/02/2017 19:42

I would not be with someone that lies, particularly if I had DC
Why would he lie over something so silly anyway?

I think better to walk now after 8 months because how will you trust him?

Woody67 · 12/02/2017 19:43

Don't lend him any money.

Valentine2 · 12/02/2017 19:47

I wouldn't have introduced him to my family. Why did you do it when he didn't? You need to go with your gut instinct and leave it here. He isn't worth it.

Gallavich · 12/02/2017 19:48

You barely know him, and what you do know is dodgy.
In future, never introduce a man to your kids until you really know them.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 12/02/2017 19:51

Dump and move on. Dont be in a massive rush to recreate your family next time.

takingstock · 12/02/2017 19:54

Does anyone think that there is any hope for us because he admitted lying when I told him I knew the truth??

OP posts:
MadMags · 12/02/2017 19:55

No.

Nicpem1982 · 12/02/2017 19:56

No

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