Partner due to move in but didn't what would you think?

[seriouslywhatthebeeb]

So I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and for 6 months we have been planning on living together. He was due to move in today (he would have been traveling since yesterday to get here! But instead he went out drinking with his friends for two days and didn't tell me anything until today

We usually speak throughout the day but yesterday I was busy so didn't try to call him until around 4pm and then realised his phone was on voicemail. I then tried a few more times and thought maybe he was coming a day early to surprise me (he has done this before) but as it got later and later I knew that wasn't the case.

Anyway he called me after 11am today and said he knows he's out of order etc and he will still be coming but will be a day late.

I have told him I'm not sure I still want him to come, even if he was drinking and couldn't make it he should have called! I told him he is disrespectful and I'm not sure how I feel now!

What would you think in my position?

He is saying he really doesn't want me to throw everything away that we have built up in the last year and he know he has fucked up but he is so sorry etc!

What would you do in my position?

Realistically he'd still need to live with op for a little bit even if just a few weeks. It's very unlikely he'd be able to find somewhere to move into if his job starts tomorrow! - realistically , the problem is HIS problem. Nothing to do with the OP. Why should she let him stay?

His doing. His problem. Not yours, OP. DO NOT get guilted into letting him stay get his feet under the table and brush it all under the carpet

I can understand that a piss-up with his mates before he moves away could get out of hand. I can see how he didn't think to phone you in his excitement/drunken state. Not good, but maybe understandable.

The huge red flag is that as soon as you express an inconvenient to him opinion about his behaviour, it's you who is "throwing it all away".

Maybe not a relationship ending thing, but i'd be very wary about letting him move in until he'd proven this was a one off, and that he didn't repeat the blame throwing when he doesn't get his own way. Him moving out again if it doesn't work wouldn't be a trivial thing to arrange, would it?

ptumbi you totally misread what I meant. I meant that if she still wanted him to move over (as that's the reason he is leaving his home country, not for the job, for her. The job is because he is moving) but not live with him, ask him to rent elsewhere, he would realistically not be able to do that immediately. I never said this was her problem or fault. This was going off what others said about him looking for somewhere to rent as an option.

I'm afraid I agree with the posters saying you need to cut him some slack. The changes he's making in his life to be with you are MASSIVE- leaving his home country, his friends and family, his business... it's a huge leap of faith that he's taking. You can't possibly think he isn't serious about you or the relationship. And it's also understandable that he might have got a bit carried away saying goodbye to his friends.
It's all very well telling you to stand up for yourself tell him where to go, but turn the situation around.....

"I'm moving overseas this week to live with my girlfriend. I've sold my flat and my business and got a job in her city starting next week. I'm really excited, but also bricking myself. My best mates came round last night to say goodbye, and it suddenly hit me that they basically aren't going to be in my life any more. We had a few drinks and I admit I got a bit carried away with the spirit of it, stayed up until 3am and woke up at mid-day with the world's worst hangover and realised I hadn't finished packing and was going to miss my flight. I called my girlfriend to explain and let her know I'd be there the day after instead. And she's gone ballistic and told me not to bother. WTAF?? Does she not realise that I've turned my entire life upside down? I know I've been a bit of a twat, but is really reasonable to pull the rug out from under me like that? Am I making a massive mistake committing to this when she's so volatile?

moving in with you should have been a huge and wonderful event for you both- he couldn't care less, or he got cold feet, got scared- anyway, you have an issue here that needs to be sorted out before he moves in with you.

Another one here sayIng cut him some slack !
Having moved countries for my then boyfriend I get it
Pls stop and consider that he is changing and uprooting his entire life to (and this bit is key) be with you. He's going to a new country new city new job presumably knowing no one except for you, leaving his mum who's probably (from my experience) giving him a massive guilt trip for it.
If his mates turned up and they had an immature blow out send off party then so fucking what . Yeah it was a piss off but a character flaw exposing relationship ending event ? I think some are too quick to judge .and hey it's not likely to happen again in the new city since he has no friends anyway right !!
In your shoes yes i would be fucked off but don't throw it all away for a mistake

Also I don't want to be harsh but perhaps him needing to "think" after you spoke was because you massively overreacted and flipped your lid instead of perhaps saying "you're a total wanker and I'm extremely pissed off so you'll have to make it up to me however I understand you're giving up life as you know it just to be with me"
If I were him, acknowledging he fucked up big time but wanted to make it up to you, your lack of understanding and giving him a hard time may have made him think twice about what his future looks like ?

Hi OP
Just checking in I hope it all worked out ok for you and he was suitably apologetic

Hi - what a selfish prat this guy is! You'd be daft to let him move in. The benders won't stop and his treatment of you is likely to get worse over time. When people tell you what they're like, listen to them!!! Take it from one who knows... good luck! Xxx