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Original poster

Partner due to move in but didn't what would you think?

109 replies

seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 13:10

So I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and for 6 months we have been planning on living together. He was due to move in today (he would have been traveling since yesterday to get here! But instead he went out drinking with his friends for two days and didn't tell me anything until today Hmm

We usually speak throughout the day but yesterday I was busy so didn't try to call him until around 4pm and then realised his phone was on voicemail. I then tried a few more times and thought maybe he was coming a day early to surprise me (he has done this before) but as it got later and later I knew that wasn't the case.

Anyway he called me after 11am today and said he knows he's out of order etc and he will still be coming but will be a day late.

I have told him I'm not sure I still want him to come, even if he was drinking and couldn't make it he should have called! I told him he is disrespectful and I'm not sure how I feel now!

What would you think in my position?

He is saying he really doesn't want me to throw everything away that we have built up in the last year and he know he has fucked up but he is so sorry etc!

What would you do in my position?

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 12/02/2017 15:24

I think you'd be utterly crazy to consider moving in with someone after only 18 months, let alone with that sort of behaviour. No, no, no!

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 12/02/2017 15:50

It sounds like a leaving drink that got out of hand. Rather immature and stupid.

I would be very cautious. However if this behaviour isn't typical, I would give him one more chance. If he blew that second chance, that would be it.

Original poster
seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 19:58

Thank you all for the replies!

Knackard - I believe it's the second one and he just got carried away drinking with his friends.

But I felt like even though he has been so keen to come here etc maybe subconsciously he wanted to mess this up and not come (although he swears that's not the case) when he called this morning he said he was so sorry but he will just be a day late Hmm I said no you won't I don't know if I want you to come atall now!

OP posts:
Original poster
seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 20:00

Turnip - I know deep down he does still want to come but it is very disrespectful and I don't want to put up with that behavior all my life! My dad often went out drinking for a few days without returning and it would make me feel stupid to put up with it!

But at the same time apart from this he does normally treat me well and with respect

OP posts:
Original poster
seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 20:01

Blanche - when he said he doesn't want me to throw the relationship away it actually went like this:

I said what would you do / think in my position? He said I really don't know but I wouldn't throw the last year away! I'm sorry etc etc

OP posts:
Original poster
seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 20:02

Hellmouth- we have been in a relationship for a year but he is a friend if the family so I have known him many years before we got together

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/02/2017 20:06

He has shown you what he is

Don't look at the words, look at the actions

FinallyHere · 12/02/2017 20:11

Wow. He really is telling you how he plans to treat you. I'd certainly put off his moving in with you.

Offred · 12/02/2017 20:12

I think this is a blessing in disguise really. I don't think it is very wise to move straight in together from having a LDR anyway.

Original poster
seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 20:15

Early bird- he is sorry, he said he knows he messed up but he knows how he feels and he really does want to be with me etc!

With regards to delaying the move he is due to start a job here on Wednesday Sad

He has caused such a problem and put me in such a bad position now where I have to make a decision based on his behavior

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/02/2017 20:18

You should make all your decisions "based on his behaviour". What alternative is there ?

If he has fucked up the accomodation for his new job then it is his responsibility to sort out an alternative

What are you ? A fucking Premier Inn ?

ChuckSnowballs · 12/02/2017 20:20

With regards to delaying the move he is due to start a job here on Wednesday

If you were due to move somewhere and to start a job would you go get so trashed that you couldn't even let your partner know where you were or why you hadn't turned up? Or would you have packed and got there and celebrated with your partner moving in together?

Christinayangstwistedsista · 12/02/2017 20:22

I would think, thank fuck I found out now

DJKKSlider · 12/02/2017 20:27

How many times has he been to stay with you in the past Op?
How many times has he said he would come and didn't?

hollyisalovelyname · 12/02/2017 20:28

I love AnyF's rhetorical question
'What are you ? A f••kin Premier Inn?'

Original poster
seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 21:44

Husky - his friends didn't throw him a surprise leaving party but did pop upto his house unannounced Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 21:47

Loveyou- I agree it's the lack of communication that has done my head in! I would have still been mad if he didn't come on the day planned but the fact that he didn't call me and the fact that I was thinking he was on his way to surprise me really pissed me off. I find it difficult to trust men and did trust him and didn't jump to the worst conclusions (until about midnight last night) so makes me feel stupid for trusting him

OP posts:
Original poster
seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 21:49

Omn- yes it is like a leaving drink that got out of hand! But it was an unplanned leaving drink which then messed up our plans Confused

My head is just messed up right now

OP posts:
Original poster
seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 21:52

Anyfucker - I do base all of my decisions based on his behavior but what I meant was we already had plans and decisions made which we made together!

Now due to him being stupid and careless I now have a big decision to make alone which is do I still want to live with him!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/02/2017 21:54

We are all alone.

Sad but true. Better to choose that than to be badly accompanied.

Original poster
seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 21:55

Also anyfucker - GrinGrinno I am not a premier inn lol! But we had made all these plans which he has messed up and I am considering if I should put things on hold or continue as we planned and I'm taking everything into consideration

OP posts:
booksandcoffee · 12/02/2017 21:56

so makes me feel stupid for trusting him
That says it all OP. You obviously don't trust him now and that is no foundation for a healthy relationship. Think long and hard before going any further with him and definitely don't let him think he can treat you that way and just get a short term ticking off.

Original poster
seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 21:56

Chuck - I also really like a drink but I would have got there on time to see and celebrate with my partner! Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
seriouslywhatthebeeb · 12/02/2017 21:57

Djk- he has been to stay lots of times, he has cancelled once due to a work emergency (he had his own business) but other than that has been reliable

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 12/02/2017 22:01

I think you should suggest he books into a hotel/B&B then looks for a flatshare or place to lodge, then he's not kettle no his new employer down, but isn't imposing on you.

Tell him you will keep seeing him, for now, but you are no loneger prepared to have him move into your home.

What he did was really horrible & incredibly immature. Not the actions of a man who really loves you. IMO you'd be very foolish to allow him to move in as it would totally send send out the signal he can do as he pleases & you'll put up with it.

I'm sorry you're feeling so hurt & sad 💐

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