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Original poster

Crushes: A Poll, Of Sorts

132 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 25/02/2007 19:08

Do you get crushes?

And if you do, what do you do about them?

And whether you do or not, does your DP/DH get them, that you know of?

I've always been of the 'don't ask, don't tell' school about these things, but DH thinks they should be discussed ... of course, he doesn't seem to get crushes himself, so really that means he thinks I should share mine with him. I am about the whole thing.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 27/02/2007 18:55

Mine sort of were on off are we aren't we things for ages

I often decided they were not going anywhere and threw my lot in with someone else

but god looking back you can see that even if something is not going anywhere in a hurry it can still be Very Nice

I think that is my problem, I am often in too much of a hurry

Dior · 27/02/2007 18:57

Message withdrawn

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 27/02/2007 18:57

Ah, I was always in a Relationship, one way or another. The transient things were pretty rare. The only real vague thing was the two blokes thing - one was very Serious about me, and the other was weird about it all.

OP posts:
Ino · 27/02/2007 19:23

If anyone comes up with advice on how to make them go away please inform me!

puzzler · 27/02/2007 19:41

And me! God it's awful when it's a serious crush when you're married.

puzzler · 27/02/2007 19:41

Have also always done the breaking up apart from one who broke my heart

RosaLuxembourg · 27/02/2007 19:55

Been stalking this thread for a while but I have to join in now. I've been married for 12 years but only recently started getting crushes - current one I think is because he is the only man I know apart from DH who relates to me as Rosa, rather than the mother of X Y and Z. Also, I like the way he says my name.
Would never tell DH or anyone else though - and I wouldn't want to know about DH's either.

puzzler · 27/02/2007 19:57

OK, so a lot of us married types have crushes, would anyone act on them? Or have you acted on them or even been tempted to?

OrmIrian · 27/02/2007 20:06

Only the once puzzler. It was a 'crush' well and truly reciprocated and although it was over with pretty quickly I still felt (and still feel) guilty about it. Which is why I think that when the crushee reciprocates a crush becomse more than a crush iyswim.

puzzler · 27/02/2007 20:10

Yes ISWYM, I thik that's a pretty accurate definition of when a crush becomes something more actually, makes sense.

puzzler · 27/02/2007 20:11

Were you married at the time?

OrmIrian · 27/02/2007 21:09

Yes No idea what possessed me at the time. I find it hard to beleive now.

Socci · 27/02/2007 21:10

Message withdrawn

kama · 27/02/2007 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 27/02/2007 23:20

I wouldn't act on one - I do think I have a good marriage, and although I think crushes may highlight problems with my marriage or my life, I don't think acting on a crush would fix anything ...

I would like to think a crush was reciprocated, but I wouldn't take any steps to find out whether it was. It would be a disappointment to find out it wasn't, and it would be messy to find out it was.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 27/02/2007 23:31

Oh, and kama, I don't think I've ever gone more than a few months without a crush ... if that ...

OP posts:
procrastimater · 27/02/2007 23:32

crushes are healthy and natural and do no harm as long as they are not acted upon... imho

RosaLuxembourg · 28/02/2007 00:46

That is my query at the moment -suppose it was reciprocated - what would I do? On a scale of 1-10 where one is meaningful looks and 10 is full scale infidelity - how far would you be prepared to go?

procrastimater · 28/02/2007 09:17

looking at the opening question -
I do get crushes ...
I haven't acted upon them beyond flirtation and I think that is allowed when you are grown up(and pissed).
I did once ask for a phone no. (not directly but through a friend) - very soon after I was pregnant (by my partner!!!) and I think it was my baby making hormones in overdrive that caused me to act this way and I never used the number.

I think crushes and flirtation are just a way of recapturing the initial excitement of a new relationship and they can be great fun and innocent in a saucy seaside postcard way but only if they are never acted upon or discussed in depth with the crushee. I am sure such fantasy relationships are a vast improvment on having a full blown affair and breaking up one or more families.

there is no need to discuss them with partner as an honest relationship doesn't mean you tell them everything that is on your mind just the stuff that counts - I think it is important to have a bit of discretion to retain a part of your internal life and thoughts (that includes fantasies).

My dp has crushes on a couple of filmstars and I tease him about them as he teases me about mine - I don't want to know who he could fancy in real life (i.e. at work) and it wouldn't do me any good at all to find out

  • I trust him and that is what counts.
Dior · 28/02/2007 09:19

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OrmIrian · 01/03/2007 12:04

Hi Socci,

no he didn't and I wouldn't dream of telling him. Although i was very tempted to confess after it happened but glad I did't. Might have made me feel better but it wouldn't him and it wouldn't have helped anything at all. Had a bad 12 months feeling like a total sh*t but then other stuff happened - fil fell terminally ill, DS#1 on the way and in the big scheme of things it didn't seem important. Still get panics about him finding out but less and less often these days. It was a loooong time ago and before we had children so we are different people and live a very different life.

Not worth the guilt and the worry though.

Socci · 01/03/2007 14:37

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian · 01/03/2007 16:19

So true. But my little lapse has made me all the more determined to make the most of what we've got....if that doesn't sound too self-righteous

Socci · 01/03/2007 16:25

Message withdrawn

lou33 · 01/03/2007 16:29

i have a huge crush on jack black

my bf doesnt mind, he even got me an i love jack black badge to wear lol

i dont have a crush on any non celebrities tho