Crushes: A Poll, Of Sorts

[NotQuiteCockney]

Do you get crushes?

And if you do, what do you do about them?

And whether you do or not, does your DP/DH get them, that you know of?

I've always been of the 'don't ask, don't tell' school about these things, but DH thinks they should be discussed ... of course, he doesn't seem to get crushes himself, so really that means he thinks I should share mine with him. I am about the whole thing.

Ah, but anniemac, I don't think I could cope with DH being that possessive. I do have a few male friends, some of whom are exes, and there's no way I'd tolerate DH being funny about them, for example.

And DH is outraged that I think there is anything odd about him emailing this woman twice a day and arranging to go see her - at one point he was talking about taking a daytrip, by plane, to go have lunch with her. I misunderstood and thought he meant a weekend trip, and was quite about the whole thing. Not happy about the idea of a day trip, either tbh.

But then he apparently doesn't have a crush on her. Hmmm, that whole thing deserves its own topic, I suspect.

Do you get crushes? Yes

What do you do about them? Nothing, physically!

Re DH? Probably

Um, well, historically, I've been a bit of a serial monogomist with overlap. Not that I've run off with anyone from DH, or with the other few men I had v serious relationships with, but certainly there was some overlap between DH and the few people I was seeing for the year or so before I started dating DH.

And I guess things started as a crush with DH, kinda, but I could tell that things were more serious.

Ah, but ShinyHappy, do you tell your DH about your crushes?

Well.. he knows the famous ones I like (and encourages me! He bought me an authographed Orlando Bloom pic.. that's encouragement isn't it? ).. but if I have a thing about someone "real" he doesn't get to know that. He doesn't need to. It's "in my head" stuff; it's never going to go anywhere. It's him I love.

DH used to be in more of a male-dominated environment. I know he has female friends at work (and female members of staff, for that matter) and of course I'm fine with it. I'm sure he's had coffee or lunch with various women over the years, and I'm fine with that too. He really isn't the straying sort.

But I am made twitchy by lots of emails, and people mailing him gifts, etc etc. All a bit much. And lots of 'oh, X's twin sister this, and this happened, and her ex-boyf did this and etc etc etc' sort of conversation. I guess he's not hiding anything, but the whole thing makes me twitch big time, just the same.

I had a crush on someone recently. DP didn't know. (I never tell him about any of them - that's part of the crush isn't it?) However, it became apparent that the crush was reciprocated and then dP changed job and he now works with the crush. Crush is OVER!!!

I have the odd crush, and I think dh does too. They are very mild in both our cases I think, and get alluded to teasingly rather than overtly discussed as An Issue.

I once had a crush on one of the children from Nurseries Dads...most uncomfortable!

I have twice made the mistake of sharing the fact that I had a crush one someone with dh. It was so nearly the end of our relationship on both occasions as, even though there is no way I would be unfaithful, he didn't like the idea of me thinking about other men.

That was years ago, and now I seem to have killed off my sex drive anyway, so not a problem anymore.

I have to change my name for this because dh is so jealous and possessive i am not even allowed to look people up on friends reunited. Anyway, this interests me because i have recently found myself thinking about someone more than i want to and I can't figure out why. I wasn't attracted to him when i first met him at all.

Could it be caused by stress??!!

Alluding to things teasingly is fine. It's discussing it ... not so much as an issue, but just discussing it at all, that bothers me.

Well, this woman is someone he gets along with as a friend, is his line. And he doesn't make friends that easily, and I shouldn't be offended, any more than I would if it was a bloke.

I can see his point. I do email, and speak to, an ex of mine, reasonably often. When we're home, I go out with him on my own if I can, and really enjoy spending time with him. We're good friends. But of course, DH knows him, and the boys know him, and we're all friends. (Both DH and I want him to come over and visit.)

Ino, stress could help cause that sort of thing.

I try to think about the person, and work out what characteristics they've got that I miss, or what pleasure I get from their company that I don't get from DH (flirting? conversations about certain things? interests in common?)

Perhaps analysing it will make it go away. I do hope so!

Yeah, I don't see my DH being impressed with that suggestion somehow. He's pretty relaxed, but still ...

Oh, meant to add, I do get over crushes, and then can't see what I ever saw in them, same as (most) exes.

I get crushes. Only ever acted on one which was a mistake.... Often they are on the unlikeliest people. Quite fun and harmless and they fade in their own time. And only in rl - I've never fancied a sleb....