OLD - pet peeves and clichés

[HardToDeal]

"Just as happy to stay in and cuddle in front of the TV as to go out" - says every profile, ever, anywhere

'Separated' - because 9/10 it means 'what I will be when my spouse finds out'

Love to laugh all the time...

That picture of the (same?) doped up tiger on Tinder.

"I'll fill this bit out later"

"Hoping to find that special someone"

"wot u see is wot u get".

Yep. I see a gimpy neanderthal in a Nike t-shirt, and that is, indeed, what I would get.

I hate the word 'hubby'.

Urgh makes me cringe.

"I love to travel" = I go on a package holiday to Benidorm every two years.
"I believe that age is just a number" = I'm a delusional middle aged wanker who won't consider dating anyone within 10 years of my own age
"Life is short/you only live once" = I am on a mission to bang everything that walks
"I enjoy home-cooked meals, walks in the countryside, and curling up in front of the TV" = I am tight as fuck and/or terminally skint
"I like to pop out with the lads for a few beers, some banter, and maybe a cheeky Nandos" = I am an unapologetic twatbadger.

"How's you?" as an opening message. Which I've never heard anyone say in real life, so why is it ubiquitous on dating sites?

Professing love or proposing in an opening message - yes, I'm sure it's meant to be funny and get my attention, but it just sounds weird.

When you reply to their message & they reply with "ok", conversation killer

gimpy neanderthal in a Nike t-shirt

I have rules for swiping left for 'university of life', 'school of hard knocks' 'self employed and loving it' - I don't understand that, nobody puts employed and loving it - 'my kids are my world', 'no drama queens'...there are more I'm sure. I'm surprised I ever swipe right.

Urgh I also hate the 'cheeky' blokes who are 'up for a giggle'. The word giggle makes me feel weird. And it makes them sound immature.

"I like to treat a lady like a lady". Boak.

Oooo - I've been waiting for a thread like this

Mine is when men say they want someone who is

"interested in keeping fit"
"takes pride in their appearance"
"is sensuous and tactile"

which is code for no ugly people need apply, and I want sex and I want good sex (never even met you yet). Its all just such bad manners and presumptious! But so many many male profiles have this rubbish.

Another one is the political stuff - if you voted for Brexit I'm not your man as I believe in the future blah blah (Guardian Soulmates).

"I'm passionate about life"
"I'm a glass half full person"
"I love to travel"

Pictures of men on stage with their guitars.

The naked torso shot - this too could be yours!

Honestly I find men's profiles just cringeworthy most of the time. Its such a shame!

If you don't look like your pictures you're buying the drinks until you do.

Yawn

^ Thats a new one.

Ooh I've waiting for thread like this so that I could share this little gem from pof.
This man was decent looking and had clearly spent time writing out an interesting profile and I was on the verge of messaging him until I got to the last line which was....
"I might not go down in history but I will go down on you".

I also avoid anybody who has a their tongue sticking out on their profile picture or their kids on their profile picture.
I was binned off yesterday by a guy on pof because I didn't text him as soon as I woke up. We had only been chatting for 2 days and hadn't even met!
I have now given up OD.

"I just like to have a laugh and don't take myself too seriously"

Lost count of the number of times I saw that one

Oh and I love a good Netflix binge as much as the next person, but anyone who lists 'Netflix' as a hobby/interest makes me cringe! The same goes for 'tea'.

I'm entertaining a friend by sending her all the pictures of red, topless men who look like they're inmates of the burns unit. Why why why would you think that's alluring at all?

"I just like to have a laugh and don't take myself too seriously"

I also see that a lot. Trying to put a positive spin on being empty-headed and flakey is what springs to mind.

Hahahaha inmates of a burns unit...

'My children are my world every other weekend '