OLD - pet peeves and clichés

[HardToDeal]

"Just as happy to stay in and cuddle in front of the TV as to go out" - says every profile, ever, anywhere

"If you can't deal with me at my best, you don't deserve me at my worst"

Bloody hell. Ruuuuunnn!!!

hoolabaybee, yes! Never mind the Dick pic, what about the Fish pic!

Ahhh chuckling so deeply at some of these!! Haha

Guys who send a one line first message, which you reply to against your better judgement, only for them to come back with another one liner about a week later. I mean, ok, you're not that into me, but why even bother?

University of Life = I'm an ignorant, under-educated moron and don't want a bird who is better educated and show me up as the twat I am.

Torso shot in a bathrobe = I would have posted a cock shot if I had thought I could get away with it.

Another one of my pet Tinder hates is the thing of setting your age to over 100 and thinking it's hilarious.

And don't get me started on the extreme sports shots. Picture purporting to be base camp in some Himalayan foothill was certainly shot at Go Ape at your mate's stag five years ago.

Every guy is flying a glider, on a zip wire, up a mountain...i just want to go to Prezzo with someone who doesn't make me want lie down on the floor and die, not join the Marines.

Hard to Deal, sooo funny, and true!

Here's another one -

WLTM "someone sorted" - oh yeah, like bloody dead then.

Ooh I came across a guy who boasted in his profile he could spell out the alphabet with his tongue...!

Link, destiny? Asking for a friend....

Photos of men driving cars. I really don't get this. Why would you have a photo of yourself driving?

Hard I've deleted him but his name is The Tonguemaster and he's on OKCupid....

Tonguemaster 😂😂😂

Well at least he's not backwards about coming forwards, so to speak!

These are hilarious. I've never done it but have had a laugh looking at Tinder with friends who are on there. One guy sent an opening message to my friend saying 'Hello, I'd like to bash your back door in' He was promptly deleted! Another guy simply sent the message 'Sex?' And some of the dick videos and wanking voice messages have entertained me too, Seriously, do they really think that women are not going to be showing these to their friends and having a bloody good laugh?

"Looking for a partner in crime"
Profile pics of man squatting holding large fish - that don't impress me much!

These are such cliches, where do men learn this stuff?

I saw a brilliant one once. A real sarcastic, piss takey, self deprecating one that included the line (paraphrasing slightly) "I don't enjoy curling up on the sofa with a DVD and a bottle of wine. Have you seen the price of wine?! And if I do watch a DVD I always sit stiffly upright and expect you to do the same".

Men who wear sunglasses on their profile pic!!

I hate the sunglasses! Let me see what you actually look like! Also, tiny or blurred photos - just why? Every phone has the ability nowadays to take high quality photos, and you can even edit them immediately for best effect - even if you don't have a phone that does that (in which case you're probably not my demographic anyway) someone you know will, surely!

"insert above average height here, since it's important."

"own teeth/house/car/hair"

It's been a few years now, but from what I can remember on the women's profiles:

"No kids, no exes, no unemployed"
"No baggage"
"I'll fill this bit in later"
"My kids are my whole life"
"If I don't bother to reply it's because I don't fancy you. No offence."
"I'm a craaaaaaaaazy gal looking for my partner in crime"
"No weirdos"
"Don't bother if you don't have OHAC"

Huge turnoffs include a profile full of misspelled words and poor grammar, including being unable to use the appropriate versions of "your" and "there."

I also skipped profiles which only contained group photos (but no indication of which one was the profile owner) and the ones where the profilee was holding a glass of alcohol in every single pic (from a total of 5 or 6 or more), which were surprisingly common.

Fresh from the website:

I'm quite a slim guy (with a bump), not skinny, just slim (with a bump) and tall. I’m looking for someone who is similar (but without the bump…because I’m working on it) i.e. slim…but with hair please…hair is good. Did I mention slim (and no bump…..)? Ok. So that means NOT medium/large or “I wish I was slim”….ok? I'm not looking for bones and flesh either and I don't mind a curvy figure. I'm just not attracted to large ladies sorry. Oh and a good smile with good teeth...seriously....I've met so many ladies who make Quasimodo's dentist feel proud of his patient!

I'm speechless to be honest.

Big egos, air heads, bimbos, psychos, stalkers, lunatics, emotional bloodsuckers, those deeply depressed or on the verge of suicide. (Takes breath…) Girls who have pouting selfies as their profile pic – trust me you look RIDICULOUS so stop it. Girls with photos so heavily air brushed that I think it’s their old auntie who’s come to meet me for coffee! OMG...erm...I’m sure I could add more to the list so will update later…just when I think I’ve met them all there’s always another one waiting around the corner…is this singleloonies.com?!

Please NO emotional games, psychometric tests or mind tricks, attention cravers, women on the edge. No timewasters or women who are just confused and unsure of what they want. Know yourself before you try to get to know someone else. If you’re not over your ex or you have other mind-baggage or issues then you are not ready to move on. Clear your head first, it will happen it takes time… go on holiday or something. If that doesn’t work try psychotherapy.

It's all his wants/doesn't want!!!

I don't like the women ads who call themselves bubbly or cuddly
I've noticed for a long while and pondered it at length that a lot gay profiles say they like staying in or going out - why say this? Is it code for sexual preferences???
Also the ones, gay or straight that want a much younger woman, or women and men wanting a much older man - so he can drop dead and leave all his money to them??

Hahahaha the burns unit comment!

Any man straddling a drugged tiger.

Any man holding a deep sea fish (look at me, the hunter-gatherer).

Badly taken, blurry selfies (no excuse these days).

Gym shots. Naked torso shots. Tattoo shots. Selfies in badly grouted bathrooms. Photos with 'the lads'. Car selfies. Photos that look like police mug shots.

Immediate swipe left if you stick your tongue out, write LOL, can't spell, put 'university of life' look like a bouncer, flex your muscles, show your wedding photo (yes really) or have a pic with a group of young attractive women. As if I am suddenly going to think: 'well you're an overweight old twat but clearly you're highly attractive to women so I'd better swipe right'.

Tinder was funny for about 48 hours then it just became hugely depressing - can you tell?