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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Not sure how to feel , what would you think ?

80 replies

moonie70 · 25/01/2017 22:38

Invited my boyfriend over tonight and had a meal and watched tv , not seen him since sat night and he said he had been missing lots.
I was expecting he'd be looking forward to having a cuddle in bed , fall asleep together , I don't mean just sex , then he would go to work in the morning from my house .
I have a pre teenage daughter who was watching tv in my bed , and I said I'll just go up and tell her to go get ready and get in her own bed .
To which my bed said it's ok leave her I don't want to rock the boat let her stay in your bed I'll sleep in hers I'm up early anyway .
Well I've never felt so rejected I just said yeah ok if you want to.
We brushed our teeth he went in her bed and I went in mine .
I'm lay here thinking gang it's only been a few weeks , wouldn't you think we would be at the can't keep my hands of you stage not the sleep in separate room stage .
My daughter was baffled to and said why I'll get in my own bed.
In his last relationship he mentioned they slept in separate beds as they had drifted apart .
The back story is I've known him since we were kids growing up , mutual friends , family know each other , after his last relationship ended he was single for a few years and asked me out every few months for most of them years till I said yes.
I know he smokes weed on occasion and tonight I just felt he was done how detached and quiet not his usual self .
If this is a sign of things to come then I'm starting to think we're not compatable .
how would any of you feel in my position or am I over thinking this ?

OP posts:

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 25/01/2017 22:42

It sounds ok just badly planned really. You say you were expecting cuddles and to sleep together but if that was the case why did you allow your daughter to go in there? I think you boyfriend was just trying to be thoughtful

IsabellaTrout · 25/01/2017 22:42

I think you are possibly over thinking it. If the relationship is quite new, as your post suggests, he may just be concerned about stepping on toes and not wanting to upset your DD.

If I was in your boyfriends position I would probably have the same response, I wouldn't want his child to feel like they were being turfed out (if that makes sense).

Maybe have a chat with him in the morning and ask him why he responded in the way he did?

ScruffyTheJanitor · 25/01/2017 22:42

'Can't keep hands off each other stage' may be different for you as you've already known each other so long.

Maybe he didn't fancy sex tonight?

Maybe the weed is affecting him?

My biggest question is...
Why is a new boyfriend staying over after only a few weeks when he's a weed smoker and you have a young daughter?

Dottie39 · 25/01/2017 22:43

Don't think I would want a grown man in my previous teens bed for a start!
Secondly, probably wouldn't have him staying over with my kid around after a few weeks of seeing each other....
Lastly, perhaps he is very aware of not wanting to push your daughter out, perhaps he expected you to say no don't be silly...

LesisMiserable · 25/01/2017 22:43

I wouldnt want a bloke getting into my daughters bed but thats just me. I don't think my daughter would like it either. Thats her private space, even when she's not in it, surely?

Dottie39 · 25/01/2017 22:44

Pre teen not previous

AnyFucker · 25/01/2017 22:44

A boyfriend of a few weeks sleeping in your daughter's bed ?

Seriously ?

Ragwort · 25/01/2017 22:45

I think he sounds really kind and considerate, if my 'boyfriend' expected to kick my DD out of bed so that he could have sex with me I wouldn't be at all impressed.

But equally, why is your DD in your bed if you are expecting to have a night of passion - and why is she colluding in your sex life arrangements - the mind boggles at the conversations that must go on in your house.

SaltySeaDog72 · 25/01/2017 22:45

So boyf of a few weeks slept in your dd's bed? Er. I find that weird.

Does she know him well?

Bluntness100 · 25/01/2017 22:46

I'd not be ok with him sleeping in my daughters bed either, I'm sorry but that would be my much bigger issue. No wonder your daughter questioned it. 🙄

IsabellaTrout · 25/01/2017 22:46

Actually that's a good point that has been raised, why exactly would he feel comfortable to sleep in your daughters bed? Very strange

Original poster

moonie70 · 25/01/2017 22:46

Omg , I've known him and my daughter has met him on numerous occasions before we beamed an official item and we have been going out on dates since the summer .
I would never ever in a million years let someone around my child who wasn't a good person .
He wouldn't dare disrespect me by smoking weed amy where around me or my child .
I think if it is the case he had a smoke earlier in in the night before coming over to mine.
My child is a priority if you can not give constructive advice please don't bother to post !!!

OP posts:

Sweets101 · 25/01/2017 22:47

I think it's a bit rude to sleep in DD's bed! I know she's not in it but it's her bed. I'd have said no.
Maybe he's just tired or something. Is there anything else bothering you about the relationship?

Testificateman · 25/01/2017 22:48

If he's up early, he might not want to wake you up.
Try talking to him if he comes round tomorrow night.

Original poster

moonie70 · 25/01/2017 22:49

Wow what a load of judgemental people you are , I've known him 30 bloody years,

OP posts:

CockacidalManiac · 25/01/2017 22:50

Well, that escalated quickly

Original poster

moonie70 · 25/01/2017 22:51

I'm so upset at the amount of you jumping on me about my daughter bed , he thought he was doing a nice thing not upsetting the routine I have as my daughter sleeps with me most nights .
I doubt I'll ever post on here for advise again .

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 25/01/2017 22:52

I think he sounds really kind and considerate, if my 'boyfriend' expected to kick my DD out of bed so that he could have sex with me I wouldn't be at all impressed.

ScarletForYa · 25/01/2017 22:52

I think it's an invasion of her space and privacy letting this bloke sleep in her bed.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 25/01/2017 22:52

How old is your dd

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 25/01/2017 22:55

OP - I guess what I'm trying to ascertain is how could you have expected to sleep with your boyfriend if your dd sleeps with you most nights? Maybe it's time she slept in her own bed

Bluntness100 · 25/01/2017 22:57

Ok that changes it, if she sleeps with you nearly every night. How old is she? I assume she doesn't see it as "her "bed if she doesn't use it?

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 25/01/2017 23:00

He probably felt a bit put off by the idea of you going upstairs and making your daughter get out of the bed that you usually share with her so you could shag in it.... although I'm not sure whether your mum's new boyfriend sleeping in your bed is any less grotty

wherearemymarbles · 25/01/2017 23:04

Maybe he felt embarrassed that you're daughter would realise why she was being chucked out of your bed?

I would prpbably do / suggest the same. As you say you've known him ages so maybe he felt comfortable with the suggestion.

Original poster

moonie70 · 25/01/2017 23:05

She never sleeps in her own bed , she's always with me , I need to make her go into her own room as she's soon to be 13 , and wow an occasional weed smoker has been called a Stoner and jumped on .
I'm so disappointed in mumsnet , you just get flamed for the slightest thing you say ,

OP posts:

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