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Original poster

Not sure how to feel , what would you think ?

80 replies

moonie70 · 25/01/2017 22:38

Invited my boyfriend over tonight and had a meal and watched tv , not seen him since sat night and he said he had been missing lots.
I was expecting he'd be looking forward to having a cuddle in bed , fall asleep together , I don't mean just sex , then he would go to work in the morning from my house .
I have a pre teenage daughter who was watching tv in my bed , and I said I'll just go up and tell her to go get ready and get in her own bed .
To which my bed said it's ok leave her I don't want to rock the boat let her stay in your bed I'll sleep in hers I'm up early anyway .
Well I've never felt so rejected I just said yeah ok if you want to.
We brushed our teeth he went in her bed and I went in mine .
I'm lay here thinking gang it's only been a few weeks , wouldn't you think we would be at the can't keep my hands of you stage not the sleep in separate room stage .
My daughter was baffled to and said why I'll get in my own bed.
In his last relationship he mentioned they slept in separate beds as they had drifted apart .
The back story is I've known him since we were kids growing up , mutual friends , family know each other , after his last relationship ended he was single for a few years and asked me out every few months for most of them years till I said yes.
I know he smokes weed on occasion and tonight I just felt he was done how detached and quiet not his usual self .
If this is a sign of things to come then I'm starting to think we're not compatable .
how would any of you feel in my position or am I over thinking this ?

OP posts:
joannegrady90 · 25/01/2017 23:30

I do think it's a little strange, but so is your current sleeping arrangement of your DD sleeps with you every night.

Maybe it's time to think about making her sleep in her own room, especially if you want a relationship any time in the future?

I once offered my DDS bed to my partner when she was out, as I only had a single, he politely refused and slept on the couch. Said it would be too creepy sleeping in a little girls pink bedroom, which I understood Grin

Coldntired · 25/01/2017 23:30

Your being defensive and rude because you know people are right.
The whole set up is weird.
Your 13 year old daughter sleeps in your bed, you were going to turf her out to shag the boyfriend but instead he's sleeping in her bed.
That's just bleurgh. ..

bigbumbrunette · 25/01/2017 23:32

I have a preteen and I'd never have a guy sleep in her bed. That's her space (but then I wouldn't have her sleeping in my bed either!) I'd also be questioning the not being disrespectful and smoking around you, yet it's fine to smoke it and then come over? But then I'd never have my child around someone who does drugs (not matter what scale it's on).
I'm not saying I'm the perfect parent, I'm definitely not, but your boundaries are incredibly wonky

becausebecausebecause · 25/01/2017 23:37

Hmm, your other thread talks of a fairly awful man in November joking about rape. So if this is a new boyfriend, I'd say you need to take a long, hard look at yourself and your role as a responsible mother.

FrancisCrawford · 25/01/2017 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlowerOfTheValley · 25/01/2017 23:41

Inviting your boyfriend over for a night of passion knowing your daughter sleeps in your bed seems a bit strange.

Your boyfriend quite rightly didn't feel it appropriate to kick her out of bed so he could shag you. Her bed is also inappropriate for him as it's her private space. The sofa would be better.

Have you been exclusive with him since the summer?

Your attitude to other posters is extremely aggressive and unnecessary.

Odd all round really.

BumDNC · 25/01/2017 23:45

Your other past threads show quite a pattern of crappy men in your life. With this in mind I really have no idea why you are rushing in so fast to a relationship. A few weeks in should be getting to know whether you have any chance of working as a couple long term. This scenario you describe is really not postive in many ways. You know he smokes weed. Agree with PP who says your daughter being in your bed isn't a good signal. You may have known him 30 years but you don't know if he makes a good partner yet, you can't possibly know. You need to dial it back to 2 or 3 here or you could be heading for another disaster. Every time a man comes and goes from your kids life you aren't showing them anything good about relationships

LesisMiserable · 25/01/2017 23:45

Not the same guy november then?

ScruffyTheJanitor · 25/01/2017 23:48

I don't like looking for old threads but if what becausebecausebecause is right, op said:
we have been going out on dates since the summer

If its the same guy... What a catch and the perfect role model to be involved in the life of a 12 year old girl...

YellowLambBanana · 25/01/2017 23:50

OP: AIBU?
Posters: yes
OP: No I'm not - cue abuse (and abusive PMs by the sound of it)

For the record I think it's very unhealthy your pre-teen daughter sleeps in your bed every night (the comment about 'getting her into her own bed as she's 13 soon' is worrying) and the fact you think it's ok to let your short term boyfriend (regardless of how long you've known him) sleep in her bed is just vile. Have you no respect for your daughters personal space and privacy ? Sounds like the thought of getting your leg over is more important

BumDNC · 25/01/2017 23:51

I don't usually look at old threads but I don't usually get personal abuse from people either so I did look. And I remember the rape 'joke' guy

CondensedMilkSarnies · 25/01/2017 23:53

If your DD always sleeps with you , did she she not ask why she was being turfed out of your/her bed?

At her age I bet she's more aware of men and women having sex than you realise . I would not want my DD putting two and two together and thinking it's ok to sleep with someone you've only been seeing for a short while .

chipsandchilli · 26/01/2017 00:00

At nearly 13 i would be mortified if my DM turfed me out of bed to let a bloke in and there is no way i would do it to my teen DD's. I find it strange you discussed it with her tbh.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 26/01/2017 00:01

Ive also had a look at your 'rape
Joke' thread . That was in November yet you say you've been seeing this guy since the summer , you're really not setting your DD a very good example with regard to men and relationships .

AyeAmarok · 26/01/2017 00:04

O find the bed thing weird too, OP. Sorry.

The idea of a grown man volunteering to sleep in an 11 year old's bed just doesn't sit right.

Nor does inviting him round for a shag when she's there and you've only been going out a few weeks.

Costacoffeeplease · 26/01/2017 00:15

So many levels of weird here

harrypotternerd · 26/01/2017 00:46

OP what replies did you expect when you said the guy you are dating uses drugs and then comes over while your daughter is home? Your responsibility is to your daughter not some stoner who thinks it is appropriate to sleep in a child's bed. No wonder your daughter questioned it. I have known my partner since primary school and we have been together almost a year. There is no way he would even think of sleeping in my kids beds and if he used any sort of drug he would be gone.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/01/2017 01:00

Glad I rtft now because I was about to say similar to all the others. I.e. Why is your dd involved with all this?

Oh and yeah, AnyFucker is a well known troll! Grin

Bluntness100 · 26/01/2017 04:11

Moonie, you need to understand people can only react to what you write.

Basically it read that you had invited your new boyfriend round and your daughter basically sat upstairs in uour room watching tv whilst you and him had alone time downstairs, then when you went to send her to her own room he said no I shall sleep in your child's bed, and your main thought was not do I want him sleeping in my child's bed but why doesn't he not want to shag me and spend the night in my bed. In addition you indicated you thought he might be stoned and have come over to the house stoned. Something you suspected but even after knowing him for so long, seemed unable to ask him.

So a lot of people would immediately think why is this kid sitting upstairs on her own then losing her bed that's not ok. Most 12 year olds don't share a bed with their mother every night so it wouldn't occur to anyone that that was the scenario you had going on.

Anyways, to answer your question, no it's not normal for a relatively knew boyfriend to prefer to sleep in their girlfriends child's bed rather than hers, it's not all about sex and yes there probably is an issue here.

ComedyBoobs · 26/01/2017 05:00

No, you're not over thinking it.

Ditch the rape joker / weed smoker.

ComedyBoobs · 26/01/2017 05:15

Midnight toker?
Is he caller Maurice by any chance? His hobbies sound familiar.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/01/2017 05:27

Much as your dd sleeps with you, her bedroom is still her private space. So it was inappropriate to just let him sleep there without your dds say so.

Putting aside the accusations that it's creepy and going on the basis that his motives were just out of consideration for her, can you not see why people are shocked? You didn't think about her boundaries and protecting her private space and private life. Your first thoughts were of missing out on a shag and feeling rejected.

I hope you will come back to this thread and think again. I haven't read the rape comment on your other thread, which is concerning others. It is very hard to read what others say.

SparklyMagpie · 26/01/2017 07:12

Omg OP, you asked for everyone's thoughts and you got them! Stop going overboard! Says a lot you've sent aggressive PM's to posters Hmm

Fwiw, I do think the bed situation is weird and the fact you'd kick your daughter, who sleeps with you every night, out of your bed for a shag

Doesn't seem like he's a decent guy either so makes the situation weirder ime

Blinkyblink · 26/01/2017 07:14

I would be hurt.
To be honest, it sayes quite a lot on my opinion. And not good.

Blinkyblink · 26/01/2017 07:17

But now I've read the thread OP, I'm not surprised someone doesn't share a bed with you.