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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he is gone and I don't really know what to think

79 replies

colditz · 25/02/2007 07:25

I have another thread about him being arrested for debt. Well, dp is now gone kaput not living here any more

I am overwhelmed already.

I suppose I should have posted in lone parents

I have so many things to do - have to get the bills switched and will probably lose broadband but I shall see what I can afford first.

We are amicable now we have agreed he has to live somewhere else. But he was crying last night and I feel bad. I know I shouldn't, he really has deserved this and beyond, but still. I never want to make anyone cry.

I need to grow a shell. I need to pack his stuff. I need to sort out,...crap. Ugh. Am both apathetic and fucking terrified.

OP posts:
sunnywong · 25/02/2007 07:27

oh colditz
I had no idea you were having difficulties

manly pat on the shoulder for you, and tacit support

ChipButty · 25/02/2007 07:27

Don't know what to say. Just wanted to let you know that there is someone here to listen. Take care. x

Dior · 25/02/2007 07:29

Message withdrawn

iris66 · 25/02/2007 07:30

I really feel for you and just wanted to offer a bit of support

You're bound to be terrified but I'm sure you're not apathetic! and you'll be surprised how empowered and strong you feel once you get started (honest - I've been there)
Have a cuppa first & remind yourself how strong you've already been!!
good luck

tiredemma · 25/02/2007 07:31

Sorry Colditz.

I did see your other thread about the arrest. You are right- he only has himself to blame for this. You have held everything together for too long and deserve more.

Dont feel bad- and try not to feel terrified- you have lots of friends on here.

Original poster
colditz · 25/02/2007 07:32

Ha, we haven't been having difficulties as such. More screaming and raging in between bouts of silence. For 2 years. Enough is enough, it's doing nobody any good. I will feel so much more friendly towards him when i don't have to deal with the little piles of financial dog shit he trails behindd him, everywhere he goes.

OP posts:
Dior · 25/02/2007 07:35

Message withdrawn

Original poster
colditz · 25/02/2007 07:43

dior you have hit the nail on the head whn you say it will feel right to me soon...because at the minute I feel like I am doing a Bad Thing.

And I am cross with myself because he did a lot of childcare and I feel selfish for mourning the loss of willing and competant help, and plenty of lie ins.

OP posts:
wartywarthog · 25/02/2007 08:48

you have done the right thing. you are feeling guilty because you're seeing him struggle with the consequences of HIS actions.

Spidermama · 25/02/2007 08:56

Sorry Colditz.
You have to do what's best for you and the kids. You've had to deal with so much of his mess, as you say. It's not your job.

I hope things work out for you all.

NbgsYellowFeathers · 25/02/2007 09:00

Oh Colditz, am sorry to hear this.

You know you have lots of support here

Original poster
colditz · 25/02/2007 09:02

I hope

I can't sdee further than my nose at the minute.

Am I mad, in that I really don't want to break up with him? I still want to see him every day, but I just cannot live wityh him any more? Is this just insane?

OP posts:
Spidermama · 25/02/2007 09:23

If you still love him and want to be with him, but his behaviour has become intolerable, could you have a good length proper break and tell him if he can prove he'll sort it all out, and get professional counselling to prevent it happening again, he can come back. Perhaps you could give him six months.

That's even harder for you if you still love him.

themaskedposter · 25/02/2007 09:35

All the best colditz - be strong! x

ThisFrogIsGonnaWhoopYouAss · 25/02/2007 09:39

Sorry that it's come to this, but for what it's worth I think you're doing exactly the right thing by your children. That probably isn't going to make it any easier though.
Hope you get through today okay.

Carmenere · 25/02/2007 09:47

You haven't done a bad thing. You are concentrating his mind and making him understand that there are consequences to his behaviour which is a lesson most of us learn in out teens. It doesn't have to be the end but it does have to be the end of his irresponsibility. If living on his own and looking after himself away from his dc's is what it takes for him to mature as an adult, well you are doing him a kindness.

Dior · 25/02/2007 09:55

Message withdrawn

Original poster
colditz · 25/02/2007 10:05

My mu has been a diamond

I am overwhelmed with the house, more than anything

silly things like - how am I going to get things out of the attic? What abou8t if i get maggot
s in the wheely bin?

OP posts:
oranges · 25/02/2007 10:05

oh colditz, so sorry. you'll be great on your own.

pinkchampagne · 25/02/2007 10:07

Sorry you're going through this, colditz. you are sounding very strong.

Original poster
colditz · 25/02/2007 10:08

He is going to copme here very day at first to see the kids, and I will make myself ascarce

OP posts:
Original poster
colditz · 25/02/2007 10:09

They are too young to be trawled around all over the place and they are used to seeinfg a huge amount of him

OP posts:
Dior · 25/02/2007 10:09

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 25/02/2007 10:11

Message withdrawn

Budababe · 25/02/2007 10:13

Sorry to hear this colditz. I know that you have had probs with financial stuff with him before although I missed your thread about him being arrested.

TBH I think you are doing him a favour. He needs to sort himself out and this may be the wake-up call he needs.

You will cope. Prob better than you think. And if you get maggots in your wheelie bin again - call him!