She doesn't know that I know what they did.

[Phantommanflinger]

Have name changed.
Think I just need to talk about this if you don't mind?

8 years ago I caught DP out FB messaging a work colleague (now former) inappropriately, mainly sex talk about what myself and DP got up to and what her and her husband got up to in bed what kind of sex they each were in to, how often etc. (Weird I know)
It very nearly ended us (along with a few other transgressions) and it took a lot of trust rebuilding before I agreed to try again.
This woman lives quite close to us and I see her daily walking passed our house on the school run. I found that difficult but eventually got over it.
Fast forward to today, I attended my usual weekly evening class and who has joined? FB woman. I kept saying to myself it's 8 years ago, it's over etc. To talk myself down from the horrible feeling rising in my stomach, but then she actually comes over to me and strikes up a convo about my DP! How they used to work together, what's he up to now? Blah blah and all I can think is 'I know what you we're up to with him then, how can you have the brass neck to come over here and talk to me!' I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and made small talk then went and sat elsewhere.
I don't know how to feel about this, I don't want to give up my class but I feel so uncomfortable there now.
I told DP what happened and he just kept apologising and saying he wishes he'd never laid eyes on her and what an idiot he was.
Sorry for the rambling post, I just needed somewhere to get it off my chest.

Tough one, I know a woman who gets her kicks from trying to draw other women's husbands to her, it's a massive ego boost for her, makes her feel desirable. She is a massive f*ck up.

However, she likes the wife knowing, their ire further validates her crazy.

This woman might be the same, so by confronting her, you feed her. I would just treat her as an irrelevance. If she speaks to you, pretend you don't remember her, let her reintroduce herself, treat her this way again and again until she gets it that you just don't care.

Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she had any effect on you and your husband. X

Just blank her. If she tried to strike up conversation again tell her you know read her FB messages to your husband, (follow with a cool icy stare) then turn and walk away...,

@Morris, I made the sociopath comment. Granted, would need a pattern of behaviour to justify the definition but I don't understand why it's medieval to believe that having the online equivalent of phone sex with someone else's partner is not ok. The woman didn't just send some texts about her sex life. OP was v clear that intimate details were shared for sexual thrills. Short of being given an actual sex tape, this woman was given a written account of how OP has sex with her DP. Which OP has already said is fucking embarrassing and nearly destroyed her relationship.

If you engage in sexual messaging with a work colleague it's unlikely to be something you forget.

This isn't about "shaming" the woman or about gender. We can and will all make mistakes but it's how we deal with them which can be defining.

The woman may not have known either way if OP knew about the messaging and in approaching OP and mentioning having worked with her DP, was either trying to gauge if she'd got away with it or couldn't give a shit if OP knew and was being pretty reckless and arrogant.

It would have been more respectful to OP to back the fuck off and not approach OP at all.

And this has nothing to do with her being female, it would be equally fucking shit if it was OP's partner approaching the woman's husband in the gym for a chat.

Shit happens but don't then rub that shit in the face of someone who absolutely doesn't deserve it.

what's he up to now?

"Oh, he spends most of his time on his phone, texting........"

OP good for you standing up for yourself but sorry some of the responses on the thread have upset you

FWIW I think you're totally justified in your feelings and agree that you owe her nothing. Do you feel you could continue your class if she kept her distance? Would be such a shame for you to miss out on your enjoyment because of her.

Crikey this threads gone skewif since yesterday