I need to leave, but I can't do it

[Outedlasttimenamechangeagain]

I live with my partner, on the face of it we are perfectly happy and I think he thinks he's finally got me in line. I think I may hate him but I'm not sure if I do, I know I don't see a future with him anymore but I seem incapable of getting him out of my life.

This could be long, so apologies for that.

We've spent the morning cleaning, with me walking on egg shells, while we finally took the tree down he was annoyed that I didn't seem to he doing anything so he tried to send me away to clean another room. I told him I was busy taking other decorations down and he had no response.

He will often call me "dull for a smart girl" if I don't get a joke he says - often a joke aimed at me.

He has to be right and the other night told me he thinks I think I'm more intelligent than him, I told him I don't (because I don't) but he was adamant, I think this comes from the times I correct him. Correcting him is a big no no but sometimes I can't help myself. He can correct me of course.

He told me while drunk the other night he doesn't like me, he made it sound like a joke, but a lot of truth is said through jokes.

He's been messaging another girl, hiding in plain sight as it were, telling me about her, saying they're just friends, he met up with her the other day and said he wouldn't go if I wasn't ok with it. I couldn't say no because he explained once he's met her once it can then fizzle out, which would make me the reasonable one if I said anything. It hasn't fizzled out of course. He bought me a gift after this. To me, that's a red flag, but I don't know if I'm reading too much into it.

He's only affectionate when he's drunk, I said something in my sleep the other day about how he doesn't respect me (he told me this) and he spent a few days being good to me and then we were back to normal.

I know the advice here will be LTB, I am financially capable of doing this and am getting myself sorted to do this.

My question is, how do I do this? I left once before and he crawled his way back in, it's as though I'm incapable of blocking him.
So how, how do I get away?

I think you were right not to justify your decision.

As far as waiting until Monday, your decision BUT, and I may be wrong, are you hoping that tomorrow (Sunday) there is some hocus-pocus and he'll magically have changed? Otherwise, why would you care or be curious as to what he tries. You should be indifferent to his actions. Again, your decision, just make sure you understand your motives for it.

Across, that is genius.

Outed, this is all steps towards the future.

I tried your trick Across and it was great, at first.

I then blocked him for a day and I became so anxious and irritable, I couldn't focus on my work and was snappy no matter what happened.

I unblocked him and I'm the last few days we've been messaging again I don't know how to stop it, I've even stopped making him wait for me to reply.

I don't understand why I'm not strong enough to do this. When I speak to him my mood immediately plumits it's so obvious to me he doesn't deserve to be in my life. Why is this so hard? I was able to leave so shouldn't I be able to stop speaking to him / block him?

You are strong enough, you know. You just don't believe it.

If at first you don't succeed try, try again. Start again with blocking him for a few hours at a time. Maybe increase the times a little slower.

When he's unblocked do the same for responding. If you feel you must respond, set yourself a time limit before you do. Start with 15 minutes and gradually increase it.

Try to find your anger. He's using you as his 'fallback girl'. You are worth so much more than that. And you won't find your Mr Right when you're tangled up with Mr Wrong.

If you aren't seeing a counselor, please do.

As far as it being hard, he's a habit. Habits are hard to break. And we are so conditioned to being 'coupled up' that the idea of being a 'singleton' makes us feel like we've failed at life. But that is so not true. We only fail when we don't learn. We only fail when we don't try. And you are trying.

I'm so glad you got out. What I don't understand is why you feel obliged to respond when he was carrying on with other women. He's done a real number on you, hasn't he?

Have you looked into the Freedom Programme yet?

Whatever you do, don't go back. Could you get a new phone number? It's as though you're addicted to him and the only thing you can do is go cold turkey.

I had this with my awful ex.

The only way I could do it was to go totally no contact and every time I was tempted to text him I reminded myself of what he had done and yes he was that bad.

The first time you want to text him it's really hard not to. It gets easier not to. You're doing great. What worked for me was being really stern with myself and giving myself credit that I could do it; in a supportive not self-belittling way IYSWIM.