I have a question.....regarding 'ghosting'

[CakeLover0]

Just a question.....
After posting here about being 'ghosted' recently. I can not believe how popular this is. Reading post after post it could of been me writing it.
Going back a year or so when I first started old. I was a little bonkers via text. Learnt lots. Cringe lots. Now consider myself quite chilled and level headed when it comes to old. I won't chase and I don't question myself if I'm rejected. If he's interested he will call bla bla bla.
My question here is.
Do you think these guys need to know they're completely out of order. Why say you are interested if you're not. Why promise the world. How rude are you disappearin? Not in a crazy texting way.
Just in a way of excuse me sir you are RUDE! End of story?

Absolutely!

No not really. Clearly if they were going to great lengths to avoid me I'd drop it. But most of these ghosters (on here I mean. I have no personal experience) just seem to stop calling, rather than actually going into hiding.

It's a post of self-preservation rather than acceptance of shit behaviour, no

I think it's both.

There are women on here who have been let down by men it was perfectly reasonable to believe were good guys.

But there are many women with bad experiences with men they should never had given the time of day in the first place.

I dont blame you Minty I was sort of ghosted a while ago and I am still sticking pins in the wax effigy that I made of that bastard.

I think OLD can be a kind of trial by fire, I learned a lot from it and I am way way more cynical about men

all these 'players'
it doesnt take long to see the game

I think that's sadly true, Gloria.

I wouldn't like to date now, I think it's just too much of a minefield.

I'm not sure I could just all away from being ghosted.

I'd wait 6 months then message them an apology. Tell them how I was so sorry I had ghosted them, I hadn't meant to. It just wasn't working for me and I promise I'd meant to call them and tell them but I'd put it off and put it off and it'd just snowballed and suddenly months had passed. So sorry, and I do hope they have someone new.

Then I'd block them immediately so they couldn't contact me to tell me that THEY had actually ghosted ME. Bet that would annoy them.

No expectations is far from depressing. Its actually incredibly liberating as well as being a very mature and sensible way to approach a new link with a virtual stranger. If you don't agree with that, thats fine, but I'm talking from a viewpoint of someone who met their future husband on OLD, tinder actually, over two years ago so my approach worked for me. We have mutual respect and a bond that grew over time like healthy relationships do , no fast forwarding. And he's amazing not shit. So thats my experience. Maturity, patients, and putting my happiness in my own hands not anyone elses and taking responsibility, thats what worked for me. Nothing depressing about that

I think it's depressing to assume that if, after 6 months of dating, your future husband had decided not to bother calling you ever again, it would have been perfectly fine because he didn't owe you anything. That idea depresses me.

It really shouldnt. 6 months. 24 or so weeks. You have no idea who that person is yet so what on earth can you hang your expectations on? YOUR view of how it should go? Totally subjective and very very open to you being disappointed. A relationship is two individuals being allowed to be who they are, not a dictatorship with one person deciding whats right and what should be expected by what milestone. Think like that and there will be successive disappointments until you meet someone the same as you which can and does happen. But then, you'd never split up or be ghosted because it would be completely right and equal and none of this would even enter your head, because it would be moot.

This post is very enlightening. I'm in the middle of (presumably) being ghosted right now. I'd started seeing a man a few months ago. We'd been on several dates, stayed over one another's places for a length of time, he bought me very considerate gifts, we cooked for one another, shared personal things with one another, all very couple-y type behaviours. And then, boom, is completely ignoring me and has been for a few weeks. All very odd. If he wasn't interested, I would have rather he just texted me and said so.

Although LesisMiserable's take on this whole thing is very interesting and is some food for thought.

(Strangely enough, I was going to make a thread with my above worries, but I get the feeling now that the consensus would be that he's ghosting me!)