My job is making me ill - scared to go back

[Lollysuns]

I've posted before about work, which has become really bad over the last few months. My manager is passive aggressive and makes me feel stupid 9/10. I work in a competitive industry and have pride in my work, yet my motivation is now on the floor. I feel sick about going to work tomorrow, dreading it. Waiting to hear from a new job and feel sick with anxiety about thst too.

Just posting for any words of support or ways to pull my big girl pants on.. I feel like I have no strength left anymore to face the day.

Hr at the new job said the feedback from the woman who interviewed me was 'very positive' and they've been trying to chase her up to finalise her decision but she's been very busy...

And then I emailed her this morning and she's not come back to me.

And then I emailed her this morning and she's not come back to me.

For a lot of people this is really the first day back after Christmas. Stay calm.

Even if you do not get this job in the end though, keep trying. I am sure there was indeed very positive feedback. It is just a matter of time before you will get a better job.

Keep a record meanwhile of everything that happens.

That's true kinddogs, I've been working between Christmas and new year so for me it seems like ages since I was interviewed!

Do you think it was a mistake to email?

Urgh today is so horrible.

Definitely not a mistake to email as long as it was the 'I really want this job and I'm looking forward to hearing from you' kind of email and not the 'what the hell is wrong with you people?' kind I'm sure it's just that they're having trouble pinning the manager down rather than bad news.

I have read your post with tears running down my face as this was me almost two years to the day and reading this bought it all back. Please tell yourself "this will pass, things will get better", it really will. I knew there was no way forward in my job while my manager remained. I am single with a mortgage, not working was not an option.
So I set myself a goal of applying for a job a day, I visited every website possible and applied for anything I was vaguely suitable for. I found a lovely but poorly paid job, I ebayed and car booted to make ends meet. I started to
" heal" and got my confidence back, I have got a lot of debt but it was worth it. Last week I started what I think will be a dream job and can start tackling my debt.
I am thinking of you and wishing you happiness in the future. Start putting all your energy into getting out and apply for anything and everything.

Lolly LIke MumonI do not think it was a mistake.

"BusyBrie" that was very brave of you. It is very good it has all worked out for you at last. Anyone with your determination must be an asset to a company.

Oh lolly, I would employ you. like pps have said, sometimes the admin of these things holds things up. We've lost decent candidates that way though so I insist on phoning through the offer the minute I get clearance- It's too much of a recruitment headache not to.

Hang in there, try and imagine you've got some protective armour on when you go in that your manager just can't get through to hurt you.

And document everything- if he's ignoring you, making derogatory comments etc.

Thanks posters.

Whirly do you think it's a bad sign she hasn't replied? Last I heard they were trying to 'finalise' budget admin. How long can that take?!

Lolly to give you some idea, last time we were recruiting to a post we made the decision about who we wanted within two hours of the interviews finishing. But then we had to get someone from Finance to confirm that the salary we wanted to pay was in the budget, and get approval for the hours and conditions that we wanted to offer from HR. All that took nearly two weeks of people piddling about and not answering emails and generally driving us batshit while we prayed our amazing first choice candidate wouldn't get a better offer.

But of course you can't ring your candidate and say 'sorry, our infrastructure's horribly inefficient'

Mumonahosestring... thats exactly what the lady told me, that they were waiting for finance. Perhaps I'm being a bit too optimistic on expecting an answer so soon then.

I'm now worried that my email to her chasing it up has looked really bad in light of the fact that I've obviously shown I'm chasing for information ....

Just found out that I was unsuccessful for the job I was hoping would rescue me from this toxic place .

I hope you hear back soon lolly, still got everything crossed for you x

Tequila I'm so sorry. Have you applied for any others that you're waiting on?

No, not yet. Back to the drawing board tomorrow morning.

Btw, I don't think you emailing the interviewer will look bad. Quite the reverse actually, shows that you're keen.

Can't sleep. Don't think I can do this anymore :(

Could you sign on with an agency for general admin work? When I was made redundant many moons ago, the first thing I did was register with about four local agencies and got a steady stream of work for months to tide me over. I ended up getting a permie role when I was working in a company for 3 months.

It really built up my self esteem, kept the income steady. You obviously have to pass the initial competency tests but the agency does the hard work of finding the short term assignments and you just turn up on day one and roll up your sleeves and get stuck in! In my case, It varied from 2 weeks holiday cover, to 6 months mat leave.

Daisy, it would be very hard to get agency work in my industry (without wanting to out myself). I could find a temporary contract probably but not agency work as you describe above. I'm going to look into other options though and I'm really struggling this week.

I'm going to be brave today.
I've asked the op manager for a meeting this morning.
I'm going to ask to reduce my hours for 2 months so I can concentrate on family and my personal problems.
My GP told me yesterday she will happily back me up.
I bit the bullet and opened up to my doctor yesterday. She was great.
Wish me luck. I'm nervous. 😬

Lolly it sounds very much like you are suffering from stress. Please take up your doctors offer and have some time off to breathe, evaluate and apply for other jobs. Life is way too short to feel this crappy every day (a cliche but totally true). Don't freak yourself out about not hearing from other job option yet- they really do take ages to get themselves fortes sometimes and it's no reflection on your interview/how much they want to employ you. To make yourself feel better whilst waiting, apply for other positions in your industry as 'back up' options.

Most importantly, look after yourself! Insomnia alone is draining, let alone combined with the stress you are under too!

Ihatethecold, good luck with your meeting. You have a lot on your plate, so it makes sense to take a bit of time to clear those concerns so you can cope with work better.

It went so well. My manager was amazing. She bought me lunch and told me she can't believe that I've coped so long.
She thought I was handing my notice in.
She has let me reduce my hours without any guilt attached to it.

When I walked my dogs afterwards I felt proper happiness. I forgot what that felt like.

That is great news ihatethecold.
How are you doing Lolly?

Lolly - I hope you are ok stay strong, this will pass. Someone once said to me 'when you've reached the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on' and I think of this when it's tough at work......

FYI - When we've had interviews, we have to score candidates against the JD / PS criteria on a special grid. The last time, one of the interviewers was ill afterwards and then someone else had some leave, and it took over a fortnight to get everyone together and everything finalised.