My job is making me ill - scared to go back

[Lollysuns]

I've posted before about work, which has become really bad over the last few months. My manager is passive aggressive and makes me feel stupid 9/10. I work in a competitive industry and have pride in my work, yet my motivation is now on the floor. I feel sick about going to work tomorrow, dreading it. Waiting to hear from a new job and feel sick with anxiety about thst too.

Just posting for any words of support or ways to pull my big girl pants on.. I feel like I have no strength left anymore to face the day.

Thanks fudges. I've begun to realise what an effect it has had on me as I come home and the second I get through the door I am in tears. Cry in the toilets at work. I feel like I can't cope, my confidence is so low. The irony is that I worked SO hard to get into this career and I know deep down that I am good/good enough to do it at least, and he has just chipped away at my confidence and positivity.

I feel sick all the time and struggling to eat. I know I need to leave and the stress of finding another job is making me feel a bit crazy now.

I feel so sad for you. Could you afford to leave and go and stack shelves in a supermarket or something equally as stress free? I appreciate that it probably isn't an option financially X

If you are crying in the toilets and feeling sick you need to visit the GP. Sign off sick and devote yourself to job hunting.

Could you ask for a transfer?
If you are determined to carry on going into work you need to find a coping mechanism to get you through the day.

I can't afford it right now, I would have to save for a couple of months to 'buy' me a couple of months if that makes sense.

No chance of transferknng whatsoever. I'm hoping it will get easier the more I go in, and that the xmas break has made it worse.

If I had another job to go to then I would definitely feel less upset and be able to see the light.

Are you sure there's no-one at work who you can confide in or someone you can report this situation to? You shouldn't be expected to put up with this.

It's probably something that's already crossed your mind, but would you consider temping? Or doing something completely different in order to leave this job asap, instead of waiting for the perfect job to come along? Your emotional and mental health are more important than anything. Go and see your GP and ask to see a counsellor, as they will be able to help you cope during this time and after.

My GP was willing to sign me off for 7 days but I haven't gone ahead with it.

I would definitely consider temping, but it's proving more difficult to find interviews for that to be honest! I am keeping on applying for things, the morale is just very very low.

The other place said they would be in touch in the new year. I haven't heard today but perhaps I am being unrealistic as it's the first day back.

I've worked for someone like this, it's v difficulty and really drags you down. Without knowing what the company you work for is like, it's difficult to advise, but if possible I'd suggest talking to a more senior manager and expressing how you feel. Plan what you want to say first as you don't want to sound like you're just having a whinge. Any decent manager will take your concerns seriously and help you with some coping strategies. I know not everywhere like this though, so if you feel there's no-one you can talk to then I guess your only other option is to look for another job. If it's really making you ill you need to see a Dr. Good luck with it, I hope you find a solution

Check back at the advice of whoneedswings about looking after yourself. Also, it is difficult to be motivated when you're going through, however, are there ways you can revive your pride in your work? Can you set the standard? In this way can you separate yourself emotionally from the ignorance of the other person?

Didn't want to run without sending a reply. Sending you lots of hugs for tomorrow hope you sleep ok and tomorrow is a better day for you. Will say a prayer you hear something about the other job 💐x

I can't believe how kind the people are on here! Thank you all SO much. I came back on here because I couldn't sleep, and these messages have given me such strength. Thank you all so so much.

OP, I know how you feel. Hope you hear from the other job soon. Please go temping if you can in the meantime. Take care of your mental health.

Remember when the other job said in the new year and asap you heard:
I'll hear on the first working day of 2017

They meant:
there are seven people who have to ok this before we make an offer. Jill is on holiday until next Monday and Bob will sit on it for a week before asking for a minor change in the paperwork. Grant will promise to review it 'tomorrow' for at least five days and Kathy has 50 offers to approve this month due to the backlog over the holidays. It's possible the other three will do their bit before Friday.

Give them a call to check progress next Tuesday if you like.

Do you have occupational health at work? If you do get referred. Let them know you are constantly stressed and anxious to the point of almost having panic attacks.

I'd personally see HR, but that's because I work in HR and would ensure my complaint was dealt with. I can understand that you don't want the hassle though.

I might not get a chance to return to the thread, but feel free to PM me if you have any HR type queries.

Hi OP. This time last year I had the manager from hell - I have never felt so low in my entire life. I posted about it on here and got some brilliant support. I wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating, I was covered in sores (stress) and I was throwing up most days before work.

I know it seems so scary, but the best thing I did was go to HR. I spoke honestly about what had been happening and what I'd been feeling - the employment issues section is brilliant for advice about how to do this. I kept it in my head that I wasn't going to let her win, and that I wasn't going to just leave and let her do this to someone else instead. I've since found out that one of my predecessors was actually signed off for 8 months in the end with work related stress related to my manager, so it had been going on for years.

I was applying for other jobs at the time, but my confidence was absolutely on the floor and I couldn't think of anything worse than having to sell myself at an interview. I actually cancelled one on the day because I couldn't think of a single good thing to say about myself!

Getting support from HR and my other colleagues was daunting, but it was only after I spoke out that things began to change. It was a weight off my shoulders.

It took time, and I did have to be brave sometimes - deep breaths and phone calls to my mum and DP outside the office before going in! - but I'm so proud of how far I've come. My manager has since been moved on, and I've absorbed some of her role. I'm ahead on targets, I'm been trained to manage someone else, and I love my job. I'm so glad I didn't let her take that from me. She will never do this to anyone else now and that's a great feeling.

HR will have seen it all before. You can just have an informal chat at first and go from there. I really hope things get better soon. Tomorrow is a new day and you can do this.

Thank you for all the words of support! You have no idea how much it has helped.

I still haven't heard from the other place but as a previous poster said, it's early days so close to the new year.

X

Don't let the bully boss get one over on you. I suggest you keep a note of his comments (date /time /witnessess),.

It might be difficult to say directly to him; but consider sending an email to him or do speak to someone in HR for advice.

I've had employees approach me and given advice on how to improve things. I hate to know that people are pushed out of a job they otherwise enjoy, because of bullying. It's just not right.

Start to communicate by email as much as you can.
After any conversation write down what you remember being agreed and email it to him.

Is there anyone more senior than your manager to speak to? Or an HR person/department? Bullies thrive on secrecy so you need to speak out.

Why didn't you go ahead with being signed off sick by the GP? Your doctor obviously thought you aren't well enough to be at work.

I'm worried that it's my fault in some way. Because he's SO outwardly nice with people, acts very caring etc. So nobody else is likely to support what I say. I've taken advice from posters above and I've been noting things down. It just feels like everyday is awful. Maybe I should have taken the sick note just to have some space. The irony is that I actually enjoy working and never take time off. Feel so despondent.

Nooooooooooo! Not your fault

Can't wait to go home.

Still nothing from the other job!! :(

His seeming charming and nice does not mean you are imagining things, even if it may mean not everyone realises what he can really be like. Psychopaths, are often full of charm.

Keep on with those exact notes. Keep on with how well you actually do your job, and knowing you will be getting another soon.

another one here joining in to support you op

I know exactly what you mean, my boss is absolute hell on legs and the management all know what shes like, but she gets away with it cos she kisses their arses and makes them feel important

its a terrible place I work in and I'm looking for another job too

Here to also support you Lollysuns. I hope you do find another job soon.
ACAS are also worth talking to.

I quit my first job purely and simply because I could no longer stand working with one of the senior partners there. His main roles in life were to belittle, swear and shout at all those less senior than him. I learnt fast to keep my head down, keep quiet and stay out of his way as much as possible which was not always possible (particularly when he used to storm into my room, bark some demand to take some parcel somewhere and throw a lot of post on my desk). There was no HR department within the firm so could not approach them.

He was (and likely still is) hideous to everyone less senior than he is. I pitied my future replacement who likely did not stay long there either.

l know he is senior but why don't you start being tougher back to him...he is a bully and you said he had once backed down...well now might be the time to turn into a BDW..... bloody difficult woman...use it to your advantage.
Be bullish and face him down without actually being so rude he can report you!
At the next snide remark, ask openly 'did you mean to be demeaning or was that an error as you are usually so supportive' Or be so prickly and offish he doesn't know how to approach you, play him at his own game be clever and manipulative.

Find your balls and enjoy.....you can turn the table as you won't be there long!