My job is making me ill - scared to go back

[Lollysuns]

I've posted before about work, which has become really bad over the last few months. My manager is passive aggressive and makes me feel stupid 9/10. I work in a competitive industry and have pride in my work, yet my motivation is now on the floor. I feel sick about going to work tomorrow, dreading it. Waiting to hear from a new job and feel sick with anxiety about thst too.

Just posting for any words of support or ways to pull my big girl pants on.. I feel like I have no strength left anymore to face the day.

Can't thank everyone enough for the support on this thread. It really has been what's got me through the week. Thank you so much to everyone who has posted.

OP im doing my sternest mumvoice:
Phone your GP right NOW and get signed off sick. Do it. Firstly this is making you ill and secondly stress at this level will crush your performance, playing right into your dickhead colleague's hands.
You have absolutely nothing to gain by soldiering on.

Im assuming you are a permanent member of staff? Find your contract and see what your sick pay arrangements are, and are they over and above the statutory minimum. That will give you an idea of how much breathing space you have when signed off.

Do this now.

Sick pay is above statutory. I think I'm holding out hope on this other job (maybe dangerously), and I don't want to tarnish my record. I haven't had one sick day in 3 years and I feel cross that this man has caused all this. It's just not me.

I might email the other job today. Or not. I don't know anymore, don't trust my judgement.

No one will care about your sick record if it has been that good thus far. Not even a little bit.

Dont cut your nose off to spite your face. If you feel as you say you do, you should be at home, not work.

Still heard nothing and feel like giving up. Hate my life so much at the moment.

you dont hate your life. you just hate your job. but you are determined to get another job and you will get one. just hang on in there [wish I could take my own advice]

It's the weekend lollysuns
Do something nice for you.
I ended up taking 2 days off sick this week just to give myself a break.
We have been dealing with a serious case of cyber bullying against my dd13 and we had to get the police involved.
I just felt that supporting her and working was too much for my mh to cope with.
I emailed my manager and explicitly said how I'm not coping right now but all I got was "ok" in response.
I fell gutted I didn't even warrant a phone call.
Talk about indispensable. I've been there 11 years and we are a small company.

Anyway. Do something lovely just for you op.

Go off sick and use the time to find something else.
I speak from experience. I started a job as a teacher in a lovely school around 5 years ago, I befriended the 'top dog' until she strangely turned on me. I then found that so did everyone else, the passive aggression, the alienation was horrendous to handle. I became so sick with worry at going in to work that my Dr signed me off work for 2 weeks with a very general symptom of the stress I was under, which my boss would never be able to attribute to stress. Luckily my DR was SO supportive.

I used the time to rest and recuperate, got counselling, lots of support from MN like you and looked for potential jobs. I didn't find another job until 4 months later, but I was able to return to work after sick leave knowing that I was progressing towards "breaking free." I used to think I was trapped.
I've had to take a big pay-cut as a result, but the relief is amazing. I am currently on holiday leave and will begin my new job in 2 weeks time. I've since spoken to other work colleagues from my previous job who desperate to break free due to the negative, heavy atmosphere of the place, so I can guarantee you're not alone. Small steps xx

What will you do this weekend Lolly? Is there something you can treat yourself to, or will you have a good rest and enjoy some quiet time? Try to switch off and then on Monday consider going back to your GP to see what they can do to help. Some PP's have said they took time off sick from their stressful jobs and it helped them to cope.

isn't it awful how a job can go from fine to really terrible with just one new person coming in? in my case, my immediate manager is awful, a compulsive liar and a really nasty person, but before the top management was ok and she was sort of contained....now the top management has been turfed out the the new boss is an utter weasel, someone who is so pompous and hopeless at the same time, its hard to take him seriously...and the "liar manager" who has been there ages has realised if she kisses his arse enough she'll get away with anything...which is exactly whats happening. Anyone decent in the company leaves and all thats left are liars, buffoons and idiots, who would never get a job anywhere else.

I'm desperate to get out, but its not easy, jobs where I live are thin on the ground. I've been told the top boss is changing sick pay and we dont get ssp from the company now, we have to claim it from the government. I told them this is wrong and they said tough!!. we have no contacts, nothing..and the rules are changed on managements whim...overtime is paid if they feel like it or its withdrawn with no notice..and when I question anything, as I do a lot, I'm looked at as if I'm the most stupid person in the world.

aaarrrggghhhh!!!

I cant afford to take time off sick as its on £88 a week and you dont get paid for the first 3 days so completely no good for me

I had an anxiety and depression-related breakdown about 8 months ago just as I was about to leave my previous role. Crying (howling really) in my boss's office, a trip to the doc's, a couple of weeks off work. The works. I('m a man, btw, which is only relevant in that the public sobbing undermined a macho sense of "man-up" that I didn't even know I carried.)

I'd had two years of heart-thumping terror every morning on my commute, and even though I knew the end was in sight, I tipped over and lost it. I know the feeling all too well.

The good news: you heal. I'm still not quite right, and I worry far too much about small things (especially my reputation in my new job, my boss thinking I'm shit etc) but it's much less than it was. You WILL get out. You WILL heal. I know it seems endless right now, but it ends.

Thanks everyone.

Weekend has been ok, feeling anxious but being away from the manager has made me feel like the memory of who I am is coming back a bit! Sound dramatic but that's really how it feels at the moment!

Once again dreading tomorrow but I've re read all these messages and know I have no choice but to keep going.

Any other job hunters in the thread, let's keep talking :) x

agree! I've had a banging head all weekend and I know its the stress of Monday coming up. And the worst of it is, I earn minimum wage, £7.20 an hour, so there is no reason whatsoever to feel anything for my job. But its a small local place and the management have all been there for 20 odd years and will do anything to keep their nice cushy little jobs and will shit on anyone who comes near them. Awful and utterly toxic.

Ssd that sounds horrible :( are you looking for something new?

I'm so fed up tonight. These last few weeks have really taken all zest for life out of me!

You do have a choice. You can go off sick.

yes I'm looking for a new job!

rich, I explained earlier, I cant live on £22 (pro rata, this is what I got when I was off sick once) for the first week off being sick and £88 a week afterwards

Sorry ssd, my post was to the OP.

Rich, yes you're right, I could do that. I feel like I'm failing if I do though. Head is all over the place.

Lollysuns I really understand what you're going through. My last job was horrible. My manager had obvious favourites and even though everyone was at the same level, he'd make his favourites offload their work (delegating) on to me if their gentle little bodies and souls couldn't manage everything, the cunt.

The CEO didn't take any of my concerns about the chemicals I was using and my miscarriages seriously and made horrible comments to me about how she wouldn't expect me to breathe them in...a bit hard when you're using them everyday without masks. The ducking bitch.

I often cried in the toilets and dreaded going into work. I had nightmares for months after I left. I was seriously depressed and traumatised.

Now I'm in a brilliant job with lovely people. There's obvious weirdos but I tend to just keep away. The nature of the job is now I can just get on with my work and go home and my work is nothing to do with anyone else.

I really hope you get a new Job. Life is too short to stay in an unhappy place. Good luck!

lolly, I'd defo go sick if I was you. Its not worth anything else.

Fed up :(

Not heard from the job and there's just no point anymore.

Keep your head up, Lollysun. It sounds awful where you are, but don't let the awful, bully get to you.

Keep posting here. So many of us have experienced what you're going through. You're doing the right thing looking for alternative employment. Do you think you can talk about it to anyone at work? Does the company you work for have a good HR department/person? You need to let them know what's going on. You're just as valuable to them as the person who's making your life hell.

Maybe contact the company you're waiting to hear from about the job? They have to let you know anyway. It's not unheard of to be keen and assertive.

Keep going. You'll get there and be able to breath a sigh of relief very soon.

I have thought about going to hr. I'm scared though as it's so hierarchical and back stabbing in this place. In the whole industry actually.

I just contacted them about the job by email (to the woman who interviewed me). She's not replied, so I'm not sure what to think.