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Original poster

Should I leave my unsatisfying in bed partner?

126 replies

user1483196132 · 31/12/2016 15:06

My partner and I have been together for 3 years. We have a one year old child together.

Our problems pretty much started at the conception of our relationship. We had our son very early on in the relationship, before we really even knew each other properly. Our sex life has never been very good, he doesn't like oral sex, or using hands, or anything other than basically 'stick it in'. He's not a fan of being adventurous e.g. having it outdoors, in the car or even different positions. He's not into toys, or dress up, I've literally tried to suggest everything.

We probably have sex once a month if that. It is a very rare event.

He doesn't ever give me orgasms because he says he doesn't enjoy touching a woman, or giving oral sex. He has got a little better lately, he will at least attempt to touch me down there, but never for long enough to satisfy me. I've tried to discuss this with him many times, but he never seems to take notice. He never says 'right tonight I am going to make sure I satisfy you', or anything like that. I've tried to show him websites, hell I have even offered for him to watch me please myself so he can learn but he is not interested.

Most of the time he will roll over after he is finished, and I will sort myself out whilst he goes to sleep.

He used to have a big problem with porn, but as far as I am aware he has stopped watching it now. That also caused a lot of tension in our relationship.

I've really started to resent him. This has made me dislike him as a person as I feel he is selfish. I find myself craving for another man to satisfy me, to show me attention and make me feel attractive. Whenever I go to bars or pubs (which is obviously rare given I have a young child), I love it when I get attention from other men. I feel like it's a massive confidence boost and something I am missing from my relationship with my partner.

I am only 23 and I am sat here thinking, is this it? Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Sad

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 01/01/2017 14:34

He "doesn't like touching women"? Well, no-one is asking him to touch any women, you're just wanting him to touch just you. But you're apparently not worth the minimal effort it would require. He very possibly believes that he's in possession of The Golden Cock and the mere sight or thought of his erect member should be enough. It isn't. Get shot of him and tell him why. And then, he can go back to his beloved porno where every woman instantly gushes in The Presence.

If you haven't chucked him before he next tries to roll onto you with no prelude or adequate foreplay just tell him "no" and ask him how that feels. That he'll "try harder" despite his apparent revulsion would make me extremely bloody angry.

Get rid!

WildBelle · 01/01/2017 17:43

I was about your age when I left my dd's dad for very similar reasons. Couldn't stand feeling rejected and not having any kind of sex life.

I have had no problems at all finding other men! But I remember feeling, like you,
That noone would possibly want me as a single mum. Definitely not the case. If your dp would still be a good dad, and would have your dc for weekends or whenever, a new relationship is easy.

user1481840227 · 01/01/2017 18:21

Agree with everyone else here, he's not going to change.

Also in regards to what you've said about children in single parent homes not doing as well, I would imagine that many of those same children would end up with the same problems if their parents actually stayed together, because then they are witnessing the dysfunctional relationship in their home, you're never going to have a healthy, happy relationship with this man, he's never going to change.

BonnyScotland · 02/01/2017 01:00

I agree with Christmassnake... somethings not right here... he does not enjoy touching women... listen to what he is actually saying....

I think your young man.. may be in fact Gay ...

but I do agree you need to get out lovely ... either way

PassTheSatsumas · 02/01/2017 01:49

OP - to say again what others have said - so far from normal for a man of 24

He clearly has some issues (whether gay, conflicted about sex, who knows) but he is not willing to tackle them

BUT I also don't think this is about him not fancying YOU (but potentially liking other women) - if that was the case he would most likely have left.

I can't see you sticking with this til death do you part ... eventually you will become more and more fed up

Do you have family support with your son if you were to leave him?

As you have a child, I would say suggest counselling first - not that I think it will change anything, but so that you will know you tried everything and he came understand how unhappy you are: will lay foundation for split/co-parenting

LucyBabs · 02/01/2017 01:54

It's possible your dp was sexually abused. He sounds very mixed up. Not wanting to touch you intimately but he wants to hug you. It reminds me of myself.. sad existence..

Ohdearducks · 02/01/2017 02:05

He's gay
And he's a dick.
Bin.

TrishanFlips · 02/01/2017 02:22

It might be just inexperience. He is affectionate you say. Do you kiss and cuddle in bed? I suggest you give him one more chance. Tell him that you think the relationship cannot go on unless the sexlife improves.

andpeggy29 · 02/01/2017 02:39

Ditch him,he's clearly gay!

birdybirdywoofwoof · 02/01/2017 16:39

It's not inexperience!

Everyone was inexperienced once. V few however behave like this twat.

You're in a good position, op, with a loving family, and your own income- maybe make 2017 the year you got a sex life too?!!

thisismyYuleTimenickname · 02/01/2017 17:36

If he doesn't want to touch women, he shouldn't be in a relationship with one.
If he doesn't care about his partner's orgasm, he shouldn't be with anyone!

Selfish dick, bin.

HecateAntaia · 02/01/2017 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anxiousandpregnant · 17/05/2017 19:57

Hi Op, just wondered how things are, did you manage to sort things with your DP?

GoodDayToYou · 17/05/2017 23:35

Another one wondering if he's gay.

I've never met a straight man who wasn't completely captivated by a woman's bits.

GoodDayToYou · 17/05/2017 23:36

Just realised this is an oldie. Hope you're OK now, OP.

MamaOfBabas · 17/05/2017 23:46

Is he gay? Secretly gay? Most guy men don't like touching women intimately either!!

MamaOfBabas · 17/05/2017 23:48

*most gay men

oscareyeballs · 18/05/2017 12:54

If he's had porn issues before, I'm thinking he has addiction to it, and he's not dealt with it. It's more commonplace than people think.

Not sure about the gay thing though.

There is no substitute to making a woman's legs tremble from an orgasm, I love doing that more than anything. Grin

If she doesn't orgasm, I'm always more bothered than she is! Shock

mrholmes · 18/05/2017 13:05

I read all that and thought you were 45. At 23 you shouldn't be feeling this. Life is to short for enduring that kind of crap / emotion.

CuddleAttack · 18/05/2017 13:05

No future there. He doesn't care.

Marmalade85 · 18/05/2017 13:16

OP those reports that say children of separated parents don't perform well etc in school is actually due to them growing up on POVERTY not that the parents are separated. If you can successfully coparent together then you have nothing to fear.

DistanceCall · 18/05/2017 14:06

It's not a matter of sex not being very good. It's a matter of sex being crap because he can't bother.

Yes, he's incredibly selfish. And I doubt he's only selfish in the bedroom.

Leg it.

mtpaektu · 18/05/2017 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Haffiana · 18/05/2017 18:01

Everyone is going on about his attitude to sex, his sexuality etc etc. It isn't the sex that is the problem - it is his attitude to you. The sex is just a symptom.

He is a good dad and has always been happy to do his fair share of things for our child. He's not a great partner in other ways to be honest, we bicker a lot and he irritates me, but I am not sure if that all stems from the rubbish sex. He is very slow at doing everything, anything he needs to do or I ask him to do always takes triple the amount of time it should which is very very draining.

This, the slowness, the reluctance to in any way please you, to make you happy or to enjoy being helpful to you is another symptom of exactly the same thing. He has no respect for you at all - in fact I would say he possibly doesn't actually like you.

This is horrible, OP. You do not need this in your life.

DistanceCall · 18/05/2017 18:17

I completely agree, Haffiana.