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Original poster

Should I leave my unsatisfying in bed partner?

126 replies

user1483196132 · 31/12/2016 15:06

My partner and I have been together for 3 years. We have a one year old child together.

Our problems pretty much started at the conception of our relationship. We had our son very early on in the relationship, before we really even knew each other properly. Our sex life has never been very good, he doesn't like oral sex, or using hands, or anything other than basically 'stick it in'. He's not a fan of being adventurous e.g. having it outdoors, in the car or even different positions. He's not into toys, or dress up, I've literally tried to suggest everything.

We probably have sex once a month if that. It is a very rare event.

He doesn't ever give me orgasms because he says he doesn't enjoy touching a woman, or giving oral sex. He has got a little better lately, he will at least attempt to touch me down there, but never for long enough to satisfy me. I've tried to discuss this with him many times, but he never seems to take notice. He never says 'right tonight I am going to make sure I satisfy you', or anything like that. I've tried to show him websites, hell I have even offered for him to watch me please myself so he can learn but he is not interested.

Most of the time he will roll over after he is finished, and I will sort myself out whilst he goes to sleep.

He used to have a big problem with porn, but as far as I am aware he has stopped watching it now. That also caused a lot of tension in our relationship.

I've really started to resent him. This has made me dislike him as a person as I feel he is selfish. I find myself craving for another man to satisfy me, to show me attention and make me feel attractive. Whenever I go to bars or pubs (which is obviously rare given I have a young child), I love it when I get attention from other men. I feel like it's a massive confidence boost and something I am missing from my relationship with my partner.

I am only 23 and I am sat here thinking, is this it? Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Sad

OP posts:
birdybirdywoofwoof · 31/12/2016 15:30

Imagine fifty more years of that!

You're only a young thing, go and have some fun (sensibly please)

WatchingFromTheWings · 31/12/2016 15:30

He sounds exactly like my Exh. Sex was only ever about fulfilling his needs. As soon as he was done he'd be asleep. I started insisting that I was 'seen to' first but he wasn't interested in helping so started helping myself....you'd swear he was watching paint dry. I refused sex altogether in the end and went a whole year with nothing. Anyway, after 14 years of shit sex and a very brief fling (also pretty shit) I left him. He was emotionally and financially abusive too. New partner (of 6 years) is the complete opposite, so now I know exactly what I was missing out on all that time.

Original poster
user1483196132 · 31/12/2016 15:32

He is affectionate, even to the point of clingy at times. He will grab me for a cuddle, or a hug, or a kiss all the time. To the point it gets annoying even.

I sometimes feel like he sees me as a second mother. I don't even want to be intimate with him (even cuddling or kissing) because I've begun to view him as a friend. I don't see him in a sexual way anymore Sad

OP posts:
Christmassnake · 31/12/2016 15:32

I'm sorry op....it's not nice for you at all....I hope you manage to sort things out for yourself and your child xx

HermioneWeasley · 31/12/2016 15:32

It's not normal not to want to touch your partner or be interested in their pleasure. Please don't let this be the rest of your life

birdybirdywoofwoof · 31/12/2016 15:33

Honey, the world won't end if you leave him.

Have you got family around you? Would they be supportive?

AnyFucker · 31/12/2016 15:34

A real man makes sure a lady comes first

This bloke is gay, asexual or hates women. None of these things bode well for you.

Move on

ijustwannadance · 31/12/2016 15:34

Have you posted about him before? Post seems very familiar.

Sorry but you are far too young to be stuck in this situation. He doesn't give a shit. Doesn't even seem to like women! He will not change.

RememberToSmile1980 · 31/12/2016 15:34

Hi
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. However if he had an addiction to porn then I'm guessing that is also affecting his performance. Or he's not just that into you and is very selfish.

Ilovecaindingle · 31/12/2016 15:35

You deserve so much more.

Actually you are entitled to so much more.
And your child is entitled to have a happy and fulfilled mother.

You do none of you a favour by accepting this life. .
And just to add I met my fantastic husband 4 years ago when I had ten kids. So being a young mum of 1 is def no obstacle to finding a man who puts your happiness as his priority!!

Christmassnake · 31/12/2016 15:36

Relate do a sexual type of counselling I belive...if you really wanted to try to save the relationship,but as you've just said you now view him as a friend probably the writing is on the wall for a separation x

Soubriquet · 31/12/2016 15:36

Leave him

My Dh doesn't enjoy sex unless he knows I'm enjoying it too

In fact he would rather I orgasm than he does.

If I don't, he feels unsatisfied himself even if he did climax.

pringlecat · 31/12/2016 15:36

He's selfish and/or gay. You should end things.

It's one thing to be crap in bed, it's another to be knowingly crap in bed and not care. You'll just hate him more and more as time goes on. I know you have a child together, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with this for the rest of your life. You might work better as co-parents than lovers.

Original poster
user1483196132 · 31/12/2016 15:38

I haven't posted about him before, I do have another account on here (using this one to stay anon).

I have a very supportive family, and I am independent financially so that wouldn't be an issue. You just hear statistics all the time about children who grow up with separated parents, how they perform poorly at school, have social issues etc.

OP posts:
flumpybear · 31/12/2016 15:39

Have you thought of marriage guidance or sex counselling!? I'm 44 now - got Together with my husband when I was 23 .... I couldn't handle this type of sex Life for that long .... you've got To do something for your own sake !

Christmassnake · 31/12/2016 15:39

Is he a good dad op?is he a good partner in all other ways?

Ilovecaindingle · 31/12/2016 15:41

I read a report online that says kids do a lot worse in adult relationships when they realise their childhood was fake caused by parents pretending to like each other!! Trust issues being the main problem. .

Christmassnake · 31/12/2016 15:41

Could he be feeling inadequate due to all porn he's been viewing,like scared to try in case he gets it wrong? I'm clutching at straws here I think ...

birdybirdywoofwoof · 31/12/2016 15:41

Counselling isn't going to help. Really.

He can be a good dad while living in a different house.

Why would any woman have to tolerate being treated in this way?

Gallavich · 31/12/2016 15:42

You just hear statistics all the time about children who grow up with separated parents, how they perform poorly at school, have social issues etc

Really? Where have you read that crock of insulting shit?

Soubriquet · 31/12/2016 15:44

Ask anyone on here who grew up in a family where one parent was miserable or abused

Every single one wished the parent had left

Original poster
user1483196132 · 31/12/2016 15:46

He is a good dad and has always been happy to do his fair share of things for our child. He's not a great partner in other ways to be honest, we bicker a lot and he irritates me, but I am not sure if that all stems from the rubbish sex. He is very slow at doing everything, anything he needs to do or I ask him to do always takes triple the amount of time it should which is very very draining.

I have considered he could be scared incase he gets things wrong, but I am a very open and considerate person, I would never put him down or criticise if he was trying. I think he just can't be bothered, or that it is so insignificant to him that he doesn't care.

OP posts:
DameDeDoubtance · 31/12/2016 15:47

Strike out on your own, you'll get on better with this guy as a co parent than as a partner.

toptoe · 31/12/2016 15:47

You're not suited.

Don't read daily fail stuff about single parents and their dc. It's bullshit.

AnyFucker · 31/12/2016 15:49

You are ripe to have your head turned.

Just end your rubbish relationship kindly now before you get to that point