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Original poster

He's been leading a double life and I want to expose him for the c**t that he is

126 replies

Lollysuns · 17/12/2016 14:43

I feel sick. Will try not to drip feed. I've been seeing a man since July. We work in the same building (different floor). He's got two kids, youngest 16. He told me he was separated (I know). Why did I believe him? Well I've been to his house regularly, never met his kids but I was aware he and his ex wife were on 'good terms' and that she sometimes stayed in the house, if there was a family event like a birthday.

I see him all the time. We got home from work together, drive to work. Often have lunch. He calls me in the evenings, sometimes he whispers but says it's because the kids are sleeping. Nothing made me think otherwise and last month he said in the new year I should meet his ex wife as he and I were getting more serious.

Yesterday I was at his house like normal and he nipped out. The phone went to voicemail and his 'ex' wife leaves a voicemail that I can hear as she's speaking, and it's very very clear they are not at all separated! From the voicemail it sounded like she has been away a lot to look after an elderly parent.

We had a blazing row and he said that his wife is crazy and one minute she wants it to work the next she doesn't and is asking him to leave. He's said he wants to talk to me but I've blocked his number because I am so fucking angry and distraught.

I love him. I hate him so much for this, I feel a fool. Should I expose him? I have hundreds of emails, photos and texts that basically show us as in a relationship. I'm so angry I can't believe he has done this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lollysuns · 17/12/2016 21:51

Exactly my point... why can't we tell her?

It's made me lack trust in him. There could be some truth in what he says, but why not tell me the detail before now? Before I heard the voicemail? It doesn't make sense.

I really thought I had met someone amazing when I met him.

OP posts:
LIZS · 17/12/2016 22:02

Tbh this was inevitable , from previous thread. Iiwy I'd focus on personal damage limitation, at work, with self and my own future, without him. Leave him to explain whatever he needs to to whoever he needs to. Don't stoop to his level by telling her , no matter how angry you are. Chances are she already knows anyway.

honeyroar · 17/12/2016 22:28

You're not stooping to his level telling her unless you're doing it to be nasty. I wish I'd know. When I was the one being cheated on.

BlueFolly · 17/12/2016 22:35

He said his wife lived about an hour away. I wanted to meet her within the first week or so but it was one of those things that wasn't never the 'right time

Eh? why on earth would you want to meet a new bloke's ex wife?

And as to the person upthread who said she always asks if she can speak to the ex wife to confirm they're separated, and blokes always say no. Err, yes, of course the would. If someone wanted to call my ex to check we were separated I would think they were a loon!

Cricrichan · 17/12/2016 23:09

So you went to his house when it suited you and you met his best friend? To me it sounds like he's separated from his wife. Wouldn't he be scared of being caught by his kids or friends or wife otherwise?

talksensetome · 17/12/2016 23:40

I have no idea Wether he is seperated or not but please reconsider telling the wife this close to Christmas. It would totally soil or for his kids. What is an extra couple of weeks when he has been lying for months. That also gives you chance to cool off and think it all through.

BubblingUp · 18/12/2016 00:45

This isn't an ex-wife. This is a current wife.

SuiteHarmony · 18/12/2016 01:20

Did you get the impression the children live in the house with him full-time? No other home with Mum?

tralaaa · 18/12/2016 05:46

I was the wife and the OW rang me at work and told me everything I had my work head on and wrote it all down and thanked her for the call! My H was trying to get back with me - I met him at the pub he was waiting for me the 1st thing I said was who is Julie he said oh she's told you

Helloooooitsme · 18/12/2016 07:55

Didn't you think it was odd she had her own room?

228agreenend · 18/12/2016 08:02

If she is still in the family home, surely there would be obvious signs such as toiletries in the bathroom, clothes, shoes etc? If there are no obvious signs, then maybe she isn't living there.

SparklyMagpie · 18/12/2016 09:13

Is this the guy who lived in the annex or something like that and was waiting until his kids went to college?

LIZS · 18/12/2016 09:20

Think it might be sparklymagpie, although in that case it was a 10 month relationship by
October Confused Maybe he has more than one ow on the go?

Original poster
Lollysuns · 18/12/2016 09:26

I thought it was odd she had a room, but it's not a small house so it's so as if it would cause a problem for her to have some space.

I've never posted about this before, to those who think it is a repeated post. There is no annex either!!

I never read his texts and now I wish I had.

OP posts:
SmellySphinx · 18/12/2016 09:29

So his wife is crazy saying she wants it to work then she doesn't yet hey are on good terms and he wanted you to meet her in the New Year but also give it time cos she's crazy and has ripped doors off in the past like the incredible hulk?!

Initially I thought there could be a possibility he was completely truthful. After putting the picture together...maybe not

SmellySphinx · 18/12/2016 09:32

They*

SparklyMagpie · 18/12/2016 09:33

Ahh ok, it's just so so similar

I'm not sure what I would do

I think if you are saying that's there's no way you could come back from this due to the lies etc ( which I agree with - don't go back) I think I'd personally leave it

It's obviously your choice, I agree with a PP who said if you do plan on telling the wife, maybe wait a couple of weeks. I'd feel awful for ruining her and her children's Christmas

But yes personally if there was no chance I would go back, I think I'd just leave it. Block and walk away. Keep your head held high at work. You did nothing wrong

Hope it works out for you

oleoleoleole · 18/12/2016 09:48

Contact her with a Christmas card, saying you're looking forward to meeting her and DC in new year. Then leave him to pick up the pieces.

SVJAA · 18/12/2016 09:59

Contact her with a Christmas card, saying you're looking forward to meeting her and DC in new year. Then leave him to pick up the pieces
That's a little harsh just before Christmas? It's not like the wife is at fault is it? It's the husband who is the arsehole.

Original poster
Lollysuns · 18/12/2016 10:04

I don't think I will do the Christmas card thing!

I don't want to hurt his wife, ex wife, whatever. In a cowardly way, I would rather give her reason to find out herself. Not sure how I could do that though. The idea of telling her outright seems too much. I don't know. Head is all over the place.

I really trusted him... he kept this up for months, and every bloody day!!!

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 18/12/2016 10:15

Yeh, but he said he was going to introduce you to the ExW in the New Year. No-one would say that if you were a secret affair, would they? I mean, it's not like he could just drop you like a hot brick come New Year, as you know where he lives. I've been cheated on (by ExH) and this doesn't sound like a cheater to me. Just say you will only take him back if you meet his ExW this week.

daisychain01 · 18/12/2016 10:24

weren't you facebook friends? Surely that will say if he's single or not

Grin Grin Grin

daisychain01 · 18/12/2016 10:27

Contact her with a Christmas card, saying you're looking forward to meeting her and DC in new year. Then leave him to pick up the pieces

YY. And don't forget to add a couple of photos so she knows he's lied to both of you

daisychain01 · 18/12/2016 10:29

he said he was going to introduce you to the ExW in the New Year. No-one would say that if you were a secret affair, would they?

And yet more Grin Grin Grin

queenMab99 · 18/12/2016 10:42

Having been the wife in a similar situation, I was told I was crazy to think he was cheating for FOUR years. Yes I did get very angry sometimes when I was sure something was going on but it was dismissed as being neurotic, menopausal hysteria. (I was 42). It was only when I followed him and proved it, then started divorce proceedings, that people came out of the woodwork to tell me what they knew. I would have loved to have been told! OW would not have told me as she knew we were still together, but she had been told I was mentally unstable. Please tell her what has been going on, she probably suspects anyway.