He's been leading a double life and I want to expose him for the c**t that he is

[Lollysuns]

I feel sick. Will try not to drip feed. I've been seeing a man since July. We work in the same building (different floor). He's got two kids, youngest 16. He told me he was separated (I know). Why did I believe him? Well I've been to his house regularly, never met his kids but I was aware he and his ex wife were on 'good terms' and that she sometimes stayed in the house, if there was a family event like a birthday.

I see him all the time. We got home from work together, drive to work. Often have lunch. He calls me in the evenings, sometimes he whispers but says it's because the kids are sleeping. Nothing made me think otherwise and last month he said in the new year I should meet his ex wife as he and I were getting more serious.

Yesterday I was at his house like normal and he nipped out. The phone went to voicemail and his 'ex' wife leaves a voicemail that I can hear as she's speaking, and it's very very clear they are not at all separated! From the voicemail it sounded like she has been away a lot to look after an elderly parent.

We had a blazing row and he said that his wife is crazy and one minute she wants it to work the next she doesn't and is asking him to leave. He's said he wants to talk to me but I've blocked his number because I am so fucking angry and distraught.

I love him. I hate him so much for this, I feel a fool. Should I expose him? I have hundreds of emails, photos and texts that basically show us as in a relationship. I'm so angry I can't believe he has done this.

I would tell her, you can prove it lal as you say you have emails, texts etc, so he cant deny it.

She wont be crazy, he was lying to you about that.

I would have to tell her, perhaps by the means of a third party. Of course she will initially hate the 'OW' but she will come to realise that it's her not so dh that is the one to hate. Perhaps she has her suspicions?

He's a bastard and depending on your work set up I would want everyone to know but only you know what that would fee like.mcan you confide in someone who knows him and get an opinion?

Maybe she's been away from the house for so long, and maybe they have marriage difficulties such that he considers them separated.

What did her message say specifically? Did she say I love you at the end? What makes you think it's still on.

You could be wrong.

You need to speak to the man directly. Get the facts.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation OP. Personally, I would not tell the wife but just cut him dead and never speak to him again except as necessary for work related things.

I don't understand, you say you've been to his house regularly, How did you not notice a woman lived there with him? Clothes in the wardrobe, pictures, toiletries in the bathroom? Stuff in the bedroom? There is no way someone could be in my house, or any of my friends houses and not know a woman lived there unless they were never permitted upstairs and the pics were taken down.

I assume when he now says she's asking him to leave he's admitting they are still together?

This happened to me. No kids but the wife was working away and I didn't suspect a thing either. I was well and truly played for nearly a year. When it came to light I went fucking loopy and could have murdered him frankly. However he then painted me as a psycho and the wife took him back despite the fact there was loads of proof he had played us both. Unfortunately if he's duplicitous enough that he can do this he will probably lie his arse off to her about it. Sorry OP. He is a cunt. Rest assured you're not the only person who's ever been taken in by this kind of liar.

It's not your fault this happened and you should tell her, just like you've told us the truth.

Try to think rationally
Call it off but don't make things difficult at work between you
Don't be embarrassed either. It's been since July. I would have expected to have met the children by now!

Dump him. He's a liar and a cheat, and you deserve better.

weren't you facebook friends? Surely that will say if he's single or not.

Doesn't excuse the lying bastard though

I think most wives would prefer to know. Will it affect you if she takes badly? If she prefers to go on living like that, it is her business.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, I can imagine the pain.

You know what I'd be doing? Calling his wife, immediately. I'd even be tempted to keep playing along with him a bit and gathering evidence. I helped a friend do this once - she strung a married bloke (she had no idea at first) along and we got evidence of him leaving messages telling her how much he loved her and all that, I even got photos of him eating with her and all that. We turned it over to his wife who was very grateful to know. She dumped the arsehole.

I was going to say exactly what ourBlanche said.

he said that his wife is crazy and one minute she wants it to work the next she doesn't and is asking him to leave.

So basically, you've been his bit on the side whilst he's waiting for her to take him back. Or his 'fallback girl' if she decides she's done with him and he needs a place to stay and someone to take care of him. Nice. Please don't fall for this. You are worth so much more.

Every man like that says their wife/exwife/gf/exgf is 'crazy'. It gives them the perfect excuse for everything they do AND anything she might say to you about him in the event you ever speak to her. "She said you were violent" "She's crazy". "She said you cheated all the time" "She's crazy". "She says you slept together last weekend" " She's crazy". Need I go on?

The decision to contact her is yours. Frankly, I think she already knows he's a cheat and I'm sure you aren't the first one. That's why their marriage is on the rocks. She's a fool if she stays with him. You're a fool if you continue on with him.

If you do tell her, be prepared for her to not believe you. I was in a sort of similar situation, all bar the relationship - guy pursued me, told me he was separated, however I knew for a fact he wasn't. When he refused to leave me alone (dick pics, requests to meet, declarations of love, I warned him that I would let his gf know. He still claimed they had split, so I told her. He was arrogant enough to believe I wouldn't do it, and from what happened afterwards it was plain he'd told her I was some obsessive, crazy woman who wouldn't leave him alone.
Any man who will deceive you like he has will swear black is white to save his skin.
I'm sorry you're going through this, it's incredibly painful.

You have enough evidence that I doubt she wouldn't believe you.

But she may not leave him. However that's her prerogative.
In the meantime, I'd give yourself a day or two to focus your anger, then get yourself checked out for STI's.

He's an utter asshole OP.

Where did he say the wife lived?

He said his wife lived about an hour away. I wanted to meet her within the first week or so but it was one of those things that wasn't never the 'right time.' She was busy, I www busy, one of the kids was ill, she had loads on a at work... whatever. I've been busy too with work and so the weeks just went by and I didn't think that much of it.

The person asking about whether I could tell she lived there... no! She had 'a room.' And I saw that, but it was a room she stayed in for family events as I have explained.

He had his own room and there was nothing in there that suggested she slept in there as well. Full of mana clothes and his stuff. Not a woman's room at all.

He's since emailed me to 'explain.' Apparently they've not had sex or slept together for 3 years and there's nothing between them. Whatever that's supposed to mean. Bit late now isn't it

You need to focus on yourself. You've been tricked by a wanker. The best thing you can do for yourself is make the break now relatively politely and firmly and try to move on. The reason for the politeness is that you may still see him about in your building.

No need to expose him or tell his wife. These things might make you feel better for 5 seconds but they are completely irrelevant to your future happiness which is what you need to focus on. You, not him or his wife. Telling her doesn't sound like a great idea in view of her difficulties with her elderly parent(s) and tbh she probably knows full well she is married to a total cunt anyway.

It is sickening when this happens and my heart goes out to you. I had a similar thing happen to me many years ago when I was a single mum. It all hit the fan when the 'separated wife' found out about me and she started a hate campaign against me as she didn't believe that I thought he was separated. Like you, we met through work and she still knew some people at work as it turned out that she had left some years previously to have a baby. I got ostracised by her friends at work and got called all sorts of names. Funnily enough no-one blamed him......

you can't threaten to ring men's ex partners!!. they would think you were insane. a man I was dating wanted to ring my x to demand he take the children more. my x would have said 'eh, fuck off, who are you?''.

Everybody at work must think he's separated too. His wife deserves to know that he's telling all his colleagues he's separated

Orangetoffee - I thought the exact same half way through the thread

What did she say on the voicemail?