How is it then men have the right to be...a part of/the leader in creating a family; a home; becoming a step parent and creating a bond with that child; persuading and promising to "always do the right thing" and be sure they work as part of a partnership through all the good and bad times that come with starting a family; be present at a women's most vulnerable, emotional and intimate moments of giving birth and bringing a life into the world and then just decide to leave.
I understand that are always factors that are to be taken into consideration, however, generally on the whole, when there was "true" happiness, but things get a bit rocky, how is it men have the option and think it is "normal" and acceptable to just leave? I am not talking about just my own circumstances, it happens all the time. You hear of men just leaving and as in my circs, I imagine it is a common theme that they will use any excuse, any reason, any flaw to somehow justify what they have done. Women since the age of time and probably for the rest of time, have been left "holding the baby"; managing the household; finances; ensuring their children are happy, as much as they can be when this happens; dealing with schools; doctors; appointments; illness; sleepless nights etc etc etc and all the while men think it is somehow ok, or justifiable to do this . And furthermore, take pride in creating a new life.
I just do not get it and I also do not see why they should be allowed to simply opt to do the part time dad thing and again, this be ok. When did this become so accepted and just a part of life that people need to get over?
This is not the life I wanted for my babies and neither do I think I should have to accept it just because that's a decision he has made. People around me say "he's too young" (hes 6 years my junior, early 20s) and he will realize his mistake one day; he wont ever get back this time; etc etc etc it still does not make it either justifiable or acceptable. However, society says it is and legally, it is. There is no moral justification to what I see as something that is probably the most important thing in life to be cast aside like a one night stand or left over food.
Why should I accept that my ex has decided that "there were aspects of my personality" he didn't like, and clearly he wasn't prepared to be the partner I was to him and help me to be the best version of myself and so ducked out of "our family" and within 24 hours into a new relationship to ensure that any opportunity that "could have" been was certainly not going to ever be.
So lets say things were bad (at the time we argued, a lot, I had PND and he was not engaging in the family unit as he should do but instead focused on his own wants and needs out until early hours, lack of engagement with the children lives; lying about where abouts and money; not supporting me as the bread winner when it was my time to work), someone decides they cant be bothered to put up with the arguments and leaves, fine (well not really but can be worked on), but surely, in the majority of these situations after the heat has died down as parents; adults; people who were apparently "in love" only a few weeks ago, it would be "normal" to allow what is meant to be, be. But, not here, here we have someone who has forced a situation and then moved in and on with someone else immediately, with no thought about what was a family unit.
But... this is acceptable, and I am just to get over it and on with life. Not only has my heart been broken, but my family unit, the life I created for my children has been shattered and will never be what it should be. My baby will never ever grow up having memories of climbing into bed on a weekend morning and cuddling/laughing; she won't have the Sunday afternoons of just lounging out after an activity or walk in the morning playing with daddy while Mummy cooks a roast and prepares for school and the work week; excitement on the preparation to Christmas and family holidays etc and all of the other cherished memories a child will hold on to. This person has managed to define, his; mine and my 2 children's lives and all that is to be done is move on and get over it.
How? How do you accept the fact that someone has been allowed to firstly do this, but secondly fail to give the family/a relationship any opportunity to either exist or not?
Why should women accept this? Why is this ok? And why should I now have to live without a section of my children's lives because of someone else's decision?
There are legal rights in place to protect absent parents who are fighting to be a part of their children lives, but what about for the parents that have been well and truly screwed over; abonded and left holding all the responsibility; the pain etc etc.
This is not fair on my children or I and for the many thousands of other families that go through this. The one thing in life that should be a serious commitment and not thrown away at the drop if a hat is a family and it is the most common thing that happens.
Its one thing to accept a relationship breakdown, fine these happen, but to disregard what should be something so pure and true without no second thought, that relationship and family unit, how is this ok on a moral level if nothing else!