DH spa day with colleagues

[brownhairedlass]

NC for this, but I am a regular poster.

I would love some other perspectives on this, as I can't see the wood for the trees right now!

For background: My first DH cheated on me, throughout our 20 year relationship. Several women. I didn't know until the end and realised then, that he had gaslighted me the whole time.

This has resulted in me having huge trust issues with my subsequent relationships. The man I dated after ExH, got me pregnant and whilst pregnant I found out that he was also cheating on me. That pregnancy did not last and when I was losing the baby he was out on the town with OW.

Anyway, whilst that's all in the past, and I do trust my 2nd DH, I do sometimes have wobbles with trust. I try to keep this in check, but I do realise that I am somewhat "damaged" by these past relationships.

DH has his works Christmas "do" tonight at a gorgeous castle, some 2 hours away. There are 6 people going. 2 women (both single and very pretty) and 4 men. Given the distance, they all have rooms booked for the night. They travelled up today and were going to spend the afternoon together in the spa, sauna, jacuzzi, pool and having drinks, before the evening meal and disco. They will all get very, very drunk.

How would you feel about this? I feel a bit uncomfortable and wonder if yet again, it's my damaged side coming out!!

I wouldn't really feel anything about it. My DH is really quite welcome to socialise with whoever he wants and if that's spa days and booze then good for him!

I would hate that as a work event!

They are in the Police

Nice little set up. Is it all expenses paid?

wips I would hate it too. I don't feel I want my body on show to colleagues, FFS. However, these girls have bodies to die for.

No, they all paid for themselves.

I can't stress enuf, DH wouldn't cheat.

What I am uncomfortable with, is him seeing her supermodel body in a bikini. When they spend all day together as it is. I know it's me and my insecurities.

Nothing wrong with this set up. I am away in these sort of situations a lot with male colleagues.

I would be very unhappy about about any Christmas "do" that involved removing clothes.

This sounds really weird to me. They are in a police force but only 6 of them are going on this do ?

Actually, no, I wouldn't feel comfortable with this.

Why would you think a 27 yo who looks like a supermodel would want to shag any of her workmates anyway?

They are in the Police Force. Good grief.

They are a small niche team. That's why it's only 6. Original plan was dinner and disco (pretty standard). Someone said lets go earlier and make use of the facilities. Is it that bad?

As in organised Christmas Party night, and you book a table for your party size...

Police Xmas do ..wow

cocolepew I think you are right. It's not really about that though. She's fucking stunning and we're not having a lot of sex right now, which makes me feel vulnerable. I'm most likely being a stupid twat.

What a strange Christmas do!

And I'm carrying an extra stone. And she looks like Heidi Klum

So am I being a dafty?

I'm very laid back. I am not the jealous type. I do not ever tell my DH where to go and what to do. If he organises a night out, if it has been a while since he has been out with his friends, I will encourage it and if he were to say "should I bother going?" I always would say "Don't be silly, go and enjoy yourself!" I would tell him not to bother coming back before midnight and the focus would be for him to have a good night.

I believe in mutual trust, respect and understanding.

But I would absolutely 100 percent NOT be comfortable with the sounds of that Xmas Do.

It screams inappropriate intimacy on so many levels....in the fact there is such a small number of guests, the fact partners are not included, the fact the company hasn't paid for it (so it's not a freebie) and also the whole setting. Even if the female guests were nothing to look at, it still wouldn't sit well with me. And yes, your imagination would very well be going into overdrive if the female more-attractive-than-a-supermodel is there strutting around your DH in a bikini and everyone knocking back the alcohol.

Doesn't matter how much you trust your DH, you are only human.

Yes, you have had your fingers burnt well and truly in the past, but I am really with you on this one, OP.

See I'm thinking, fuck, if you book in to a posh hotel that has a spa, surely you SHOULD use it??

This is a weird Christmas party. It just is. I wouldn't feel quite ok about this either.

Yes, you have had your fingers burnt well and truly in the past, but I am really with you on this one, OP.

That brought a tear to my eye, thank you. I've been so burned, my middle name should be charred.

I wouldn't be enormously keen on my DH spending a day in the company of a stunningly beautiful scantily clad colleague, OP, so you're not alone. I would trust him not to cheat, and I certainly wouldn't prevent him going (not that this would be issue in my marriage as my DH would rather eat his own eyeballs than go anywhere near a spa) - but I'd just possibly be a tiny bit sad on my own account that my bikini days are long behind me.

I don't think that's OTT. It's OK to feel a bit jealous of the young and the beautiful.

I'm sorry your previous partners have been so shit, OP.

I'm so sorry I didn't mean to upset you.

Aw, thank you guys. I'm not going mad then, lol x