Interfering mil

[mum19821985]

I am going to kill mil tonight! Mil came over today to look after the kids while hubby and I went shopping. I came home and a few minutes after she left I noticed our windowsill looked suspiciously clean and tidy. It's normally covered in paperwork/letters etc. There was a small pile of papers but nothing else. I am going on a spa day so which I was telling mil about this morning. The vouchers and booklet was amongst the paperwork. I looked through it all finding nothing. Looked through all the bins, all through the house, eventually finding the voucher in the kitchen bin underneath loads of food!! I am furious! Voucher was a birthday present off a friend (not cheap) and you can't go without it. I think it was so out of order for her to go through all my stuff like that. Other bits of papers/booklets/leaflets were also in the bin. I wouldn't dream of going into someone's house and chucking away their stuff. Even if it looks like junk!

I did juggle a full time job and childcare for years and it was very hard. I don't offer an opinion about any subject unless I have personally experienced it. IMO being at work was harder than being a full time SAHM.

When both partners work I consider that the tasks should all be shared out 50/50. I think we are all in agreement with that opinion. All my sons and SILs who have working partners share the work equally. I commented about one of my DDs and her working DH. Needless to say I admire and love her.
Anyway, I think we shall have to just agree to disagree as you are using words about me music such as , ' belongs to the last century,' name-calling( misogynist) entitled, superior etc. It strikes me that you won't see the irony of calling ME disrespectful of others opinions, whilst calling me arrogant and my opinion bizarre. You who have written a whole list of critism and judgements of me personally. I didn't call anyone names in my post.

I also don't resent visitors, I love having visitors, especially surprise ones. I don't feel I have to entertain them? If they call and I am out of food. I just say ' shall I nip out and get us a pizza? Help yourself to the Prosecco etc. music you are even disparaging about my saying that. You strike me as very uptight. ( this is based upon your saying ( and I quote) 'my schedule doesn't permit unplanned guests, it would simply put the whole day out.! Good grief, Do you answer your door to surprise guests and say ' sorry, but my schedule doesn't allow me to speak to you? You honestly sound a lot of fun.

I am relaxed enough to receive guests in my PJs. I did say that I ALWAYS ring my DILs first, but I don't always ring my best friends or close relatives. I usually do, but not always.
I may be all you both say I am, but I am not nasty.
Can I ask you shazza and music if you are inviting your MILs to your house for Christmas this year? Or have they invited you?
I am sorry fuckity that you are having such a awful experience with your MIL.

Not sure why you're asking, but my PILs and indeed parents are dead.
As I said upthread, I am of your generation hole. And I still don't agree with your views - the antagonism to what you've said is not just from younger women, and much of it is blatantly misogynistic.

Ok shazza but instead of personally insulting me why didn't you offer some advice to the OP, yourself? I have trawled quickly through them and I think I am right, that you only commented about my comments.

I asked if you were going to your in laws for Christmas , just out of idle curiosity as neither you nor music mentioned your own MIL/ DIL relationship, which was what the OP was about.

Hole - I call out misogyny whenever I see it. Do you accept some of your comments are misogynistic? ('The wiles of women,' my son 'helps' in domestic tasks). If not, that's the issue.

The OP had plenty of great advice from others (& I did say 'well done' to her in one post - nothing more to add on that).

hole, your criteria for posting is some personal experience of part of the scenario. Other posters have different criteria.

red I know what you saying perfectly well. What I am not keen on is being personally insulted for expressing a view.
It is different saying about the replier, you are dishonest, superior, mysoginistic, etc than saying, I don't agree with your views because I think that the OP should do...,
Often repliers on MNet are told to clear off ( i am being polite) for expressing their views that maybe are contrary to others. shazza just posted her view of my comments, she didn't offer a solution to the OP herself. Neither did music

Hole - I don't think you've got the measure of Internet forums and MN in particular. Debates move in different directions and be very robust - especially when the majority find certain views (e.g misogyny) abhorrent. Posters will say so, and the debate can then shift.

I wonder if you have led a somewhat sheltered existence and aren't in touch with what more modern women (and men) find unacceptable? You quoted Pankhurst I believe - the world has moved on a hell of a lot since then - gaining the vote is no longer how we judge whether women are fairly treated (important as that piece of history was).

I think that some opinions (racist, misogynist, homophobic etc) will meet with strong opposition.

You are a misogynist - if you see that as an insult that is your issue. Everyone here is saying the same yet you refuse to be self-aware. Most mils have their faults, but you seem very disrespectful of other women in general, particularly younger women.

People who say they don't have time for surprise visitors or who dont sit around in their pyjamas all day like you say you do, have busier lives. Jobs, children, etc. You don't seem to grasp this.

I am a working mum as are most of my friends - we don't generally have time for surprise visitors due to operating to a routine and none of us just show up at each others' houses without arranging things for precisely that reason.

It seems hard for you to grasp that just because you live a certain way, others don't and they are just as entitled to their decisions.

I do think you have a problem with women. Come here and insult us all with sweeping generalisations and then deny doing so and people will call you out on it, that's life, maybe you like doling it out but can't take it in return.

Holeinmyheart you sound like a lovely mil. Can I have you instead? Ha ha. I wish my mil would tell us when she's coming. She has let herself in before while I was alone n oldest at school. Good job I wasn't walking around naked or hubby and I weren't ummm...busy lol

The above was posted about me by the OP

I spent Christmas with my DILs and family and had a lovely time. I love women. Enough said on this subject music I hope you have a DD.

Perhaps your slovenly daughter is making a mental note to serve her husband a pot noodle for dinner the next time her mother visits.

@mum19821985

I don't think it was my kids as the whole windowsill had been tidied and was clear. She's re-arranged, moved and re-organised my stuff before. I don't know if it was deliberate or not. The voucher was folded in half and could have looked like a plain piece of paper however it was not her place to go through my stuff. I am so furious right now. I can't trust myself to text her right now.

This is classic pissing on your territory to try and mark her own authority. She has none.

It was over 4 years ago

I expect things have moved on.

Are we SIL's because this is MY mother in law.

Today she had bits of my food processor in her hands asking me 'shall I throw this away' Grrrrrrrr

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@BlodynPiPiGwely

How on earth did you find this ZOMBIE thread?