Hole, why is the sil making your tea too while he apparently does all this 'helping' and sahm does nothing (in your view)- why don't you make your own tea or better still, help out once in a while, rather than expecting them to wait on you hand and foot?
You strike me as very entitled and anti-women. Your response that you don't want a prim lecture, when others reply to you shows a lack of respect for the rights of others to hold and express an opinion. Most of your commentary is belittling and demeaning and suggests that you see yourself as superior and beyond reproach. You come across as very arrogant. Implying that sahm do nothing all day and should be servants to their husbands who have worked hard all day is sexist nonsense.
Perhaps the man is ironing his shirt because he wasn't the one to be up at night with the kids/babies. So what if he did a day at work, his work ends when he leaves, children are 24/7.
Saying you don't mind uninvited guests so you resent having to phone anyone else before visiting because they have different boundaries to yours, is more arrogance. It implies only your view is right. I'm quite sure it must be nice to have the time and means to entertain unannounced guests with no young children or work in the picture, but those with busy lives and routines simply can't operate like that.
Saying you found children easier than work is just bizarre and I don't believe you are being honest. It just suits your arguments to say that. Just because you had time and luxury of swanning about on play dates or socials back in the day doesn't mean that's how all modern mums have it, since the majority of them also have to juggle work. It doesn't sound as if you juggled a job with childcare, so no wonder you had time for playdates. As to the suggestion that work is harder, please - get a grip. Children are 24/7, work isn't. You say you were up to 2 doing reports and has a bad boss. That simply shows a lack of time and work load management on your part and you could have got another job. I run a full time business and do all the daytime childcare and working is far easier. It sounds like you've never juggled working long hours AND doing childcare, hence your stance on uninvited guests. My schedule doesn't permit unplanned guests, it would simply put the whole day out. But as you say, if you can slob about in your pyjamas until midday, no wonder random callers are OK to you, just don't be surprised when others have a different routine.
I think you are a misogynist and frankly your views do your sil and dil a disservice and belong in the last century. Women aren't subservient to men nowadays you know and before you accuse me of giving you a prim lecture, that, lady, is exactly what you have been giving all the hard working ladies here, while implying they are lazy sahm who swan about on social dos and don't do their share at home - maybe you are projecting.
Plenty ladies here wash the car, mow the lawn and do DIY AND the work inside the house, maybe it's you that is a bit lazy and expects men to do anything involving graft.