When you can't be with who you think is the love of your life anymore...

[SusanDelfino]

how do you come back from that? I need the small steps please. At this point I can't stop crying and have no hope of ever being ok again.

Nice work zoflo let's hope you never make a monumental fuck up because a lack of compassion for others may well bite you on your arse one day.

Loads of people fuck up.

We're talking fucking up every single day for 3.5 years, betraying two people every day for 1300 days, involving children and only now feeling sorry, not because of a belated attack of conscience, but because it didn't play out her way.

So happyjanuary are you saying you wouldn't show compassion to your close friend/child/sibling if they had made this mess but was very unhappy about the way it turned out? You'd just say what zoflo did or maybe just a "you made your bed" etc right? Is that the case?

I reserve my utter contempt and such language directed at the OP for people who commit crimes or are abusive.

Lots of people have said effectively her lover was a compete and under cunt. Dont Those words effectively apply to the op as well. ?

You weren't the love of his life. Else it wouldn't have taken him 3.5 years to leave his girlfriend.
You are deluded. You think he/your relationship with him was more important than it actually, clearly, was.
You need to wise up.

Great typo

I think he's a card carrying nob and the OP made some terrible selfish decisions. It's doesn't mean she doesn't have my compassion or empathy for how terrible she is feeling.

Just by reading this thread it doesn't take a genius to spot the incongruence in your timeline. Nursery aged children are aged four and under and your affair has been going on for almost that long.!

How have you not been played OP? He has had 3 years to decide he loves you more than her and he has chosen her. I very much doubt the pregnancy was accidental.

Get tested for STDs. He is a player.

Focus on working out why you were prepared to put up with this shit for so long.

If I were his girlfriend, I'd want to know what was going on.

Jeaux90, I reserve my compassion for people who are in difficult situations through no fault of their own, or as a result of a mistake, or for which they show regret.

Not people who are bleating on because they always thought the story would end in someone else's pain and despair.

Not quite sure why you happy or the likes of zoflo are on this thread.

You need to walk away. He sounds a horrible bastard and I feel for his pregnant gf. He has been having his cake and eating it . It his gf I feel sorry for. Walk away and leave them alone. I'm sorry but I just see any other way. He is not a nice man amd has played you both

Can't see any other way *

Block his number, or change yours. Being in contact won't help you at all, and he will probably still try to stay in touch. Every time you speak to him or text, you are ripping a bigger hole in your heart and you have to make that break. Don't talk to friends who know him either, and stay off social media for the next few months. Stay busy, talk to your friends/family if they know and if they don't, try and see a counsellor so you can talk this through with someone. Try and keep busy - join a gym, meet friends, anything that stops you being alone and thinking. It isn't going to be easy, don't think it will get better overnight - it may take months or even years, but you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. We're all human, we make mistakes, but what makes us who we are is what we learn from them. Be kind to yourself, you're not a bad person, you just made a bad choice and he's the one that was unfaithful, not you.

He was the love of your life? Sorry, OP, but from what I'm reading you don't know what that means. None of what you describe has that sort of value or status. Or depth. Striking lack of depth.

If you can move away for a while, either on holiday / visit family or even permanently, that would give you the total break and new start you badly need.

He couldn't make a commitment of marriage to her-something you can get out of in under 6 months, but he could have a child with her. Obviously no commitment in having a child with someone!

The double standards here are incredible.

This OM has done nothing worse than the OP.

He's conceived a child with his partner whilst having an affair with the OP.

Exactly what she did to her husband, x 2.

Yet he's a cunt, a player, a wrongun, has lead her on. wants to have his cake and eat it, a nob, blah blah.

But the OP, because the OM didn't choose her, needs understanding and compassion and empathy.

Okay

This was me a year ago. I still think he's the love of my life even though we have no contact at all.

I know it's a cliche but time heals. And when you realise what the relationship DIDN'T give you, that's when the real progress starts.

Now you can be with someone who loves and values you enough to shout it from the rooftops, who puts you first and looks after you.

But don't rush into anything. You must heal properly or this will keep causing problems for you. Take it from one who knows!

But galaxygirl, she was married in dec 2015 and had a 1 and 3 year old so was cheating on her husband for 2.5 years and potentially her now 2 year old is not her ex husbands. So she is just as bad as her lover.

I find other peoples lack of integrity and inner morals, very odd.
Fuck me, presumably the sex must have been mindblowing.
3.5 years?

you wouldn't show compassion to your close friend/child/sibling if they had made this mess but was very unhappy about the way it turned out?

OP had an affair with someone who was in a relationship.

She also cheated on her partner if the timeline is correct.

My compassion is for those that are hurt by the actions of the OP and this man.

I am sorry you are hurting. Regardless of how you got here.

The most compassionate response can only be to tell you to do two things:

1. Stop hoping. Hope is an utter bastard in a case like this. Hope will keep you hanging on until and past the bitter end.
2. Accept that he lied, to a greater or less extent, about the nature of his primary relationship. This makes him even more of a shit as he lied to both women.

I was cheated on 4.5 years ago (and btw I guess we both know how painful the whole situation is - the only real difference is I didn't sign up for it!) and have spent a lot of time on forums that deal with infidelity. One truism that I have seen many many times is that a man who really wants out of his relationship won't take long to make it happen once he finds an new partner - certainly less than 3.5 years. Cant vouch for it personally but that does seem to be the case very often.

I'm just wondering why the OM is the only one who is classed as a complete bastard for lying, cheating & getting his DP pregnant when OP WAS DOING THE EXACT SAME THING TO HER DH !! If this was a man that posted he would have been ripped apart NOT GIVEN FUCKING COMPASSION FOR HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHILE MARRIED FFS !! Double standards much !!

**Whilst not while.. Poxy phone