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Original poster

He went to a funeral without telling me.

79 replies

sparklybluelights · 06/12/2016 16:07

I know this is really trivial in the grand scheme of things, but something has happened that's made me question whether my husband is more secretive than I previously realized.

Is it normal behavior to attend a funeral without telling your spouse of 18 years?
Yesterday, I found out through a mutual acquaintance that she saw my husband at a funeral. The funeral was 2 months ago. He never mentioned anything to me either at the time or since.

We've always been open about things up until now. I haven't said I know yet. I have never minded him attending things on his own, so why the omission to tell me?
What do you make of it?

OP posts:
WonderMike · 06/12/2016 16:09

Whose funeral was it?

MrsJayy · 06/12/2016 16:11

Whos funeral was it? Did you know them

UrethaFranklin · 06/12/2016 16:11

Sounds a bit strange not to even mention it, whose funeral was it? Where did you think he was, at work?

PossumInAPearTree · 06/12/2016 16:13

I went to a funeral a couple of years ago without telling dh, he didn't know the person who's funeral it was. I was a day off work anyway so went. I don't tell him everything I do when I'm not at work.

Aderyn2016 · 06/12/2016 16:13

It would creep me out tbh. The idea that he was close enough to someone to attend their funeral and he didn't mention it to me. I would wonder what else was going on.
Hate to ask, but was the deceased a woman that he might have been in a relationship with at some point?
Normally, in the course of everyday conversation with your spouse you would mention a major event that occurred during your day.

TheNaze73 · 06/12/2016 16:13

Wouldn't fuss me. Unless he was having to micromanaged due to an affair or something?
I've been to day time funerals during work time & not mentioned it.

MrsJayy · 06/12/2016 16:13

It is a bit odd so &so died im going to the funeral on thursday, is usual conversation really.

Topseyt · 06/12/2016 16:14

It does sound like an odd thing to do.

Was it the funeral of someone you both knew?

Original poster
sparklybluelights · 06/12/2016 16:15

After a bit of digging, through my work friend and looking at obituaries that matched that time, I've worked out it was the wife of a couple he must have know way before he met me.

OP posts:
HouseworkIsASin10 · 06/12/2016 16:16

Course it's bloody weird. Normal people chat about their day and surely the subject would come up?

Soubriquet · 06/12/2016 16:17

It does seem a bit odd

Even if you didn't intend on going what's wrong with saying

"Oh it's Jim's funeral tomorrow. He passed away 3 weeks ago. So I'm going to go."

Original poster
sparklybluelights · 06/12/2016 16:17

My OH spends his life in casual clothes. His work clothes are also casual.
so it's the fact he must have snuck around on that particular day,or the night before, possibly ironing shirts, getting a jacket ready and smart shoes to change into, seems a bit off, without me noticing.

It's the sneaking around.

OP posts:
user1480946351 · 06/12/2016 16:18

I'd guess he had a relationship with her that he didn't want to talk to you about.

NotYoda · 06/12/2016 16:21

Yes, the only thing I can think of is that he had a relationship with her that he feels secretive about. It is odd and I would ask him about it

Original poster
sparklybluelights · 06/12/2016 16:21

This is why I'm throwing it out there.

I don't believe in living in eachother's pockets, I don't tell him everything about my day, but still, I don't think I would keep quiet about having attended a funeral.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 06/12/2016 16:23

It's not the way I communicate with my DH. He wouldn't tell me where he had his lunch, or even who with, but a funeral is a major, emotional event.

Others may not agree.

MrsJayy · 06/12/2016 16:24

I would need to mention it is he usually sneaky/secretive

SapphireStrange · 06/12/2016 16:33

I'd guess he had a relationship with her that he didn't want to talk to you about.

I think so too. Too weird behaviour otherwise. Are you going to bring it up?

pipsqueak25 · 06/12/2016 16:36

have you asked him about it ?

228agreenend · 06/12/2016 16:37

I think that's definitely weird that he hasn't told you, specially as people usually book holidays at work to attend them.

You've been together a long while, so even if it's a blast from the past, he should feel comfortable about telling you.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 06/12/2016 16:39

Did he attend it on his own?
I could see my DH forgetting to mention it if he had ended up taking his DM to a funeral or going along to offer support to a friend.

humphreyandlinnea · 06/12/2016 16:40

I would ask.

Purplebluebird · 06/12/2016 16:40

I would be very suspicious about this. Me and my other half tell each other almost everything though, so I suppose it depends on each relationship. I hope it's nothing sinister.

Original poster
sparklybluelights · 06/12/2016 16:41

I should probably wait until after this weekend as we have a birthday coming up and he has form for sulking for days on end if we have an argument.
I don't want an atmosphere for the birthday.

OP posts:
YelloDraw · 06/12/2016 16:41

I've been to day time funerals during work time & not mentioned it.

I just don't get how this works. Don't you have a convo "hiya, how was your day" "Yeah was ok, went to maggies funeral then met sally for coffee" ??