He went to a funeral without telling me.

[sparklybluelights]

I know this is really trivial in the grand scheme of things, but something has happened that's made me question whether my husband is more secretive than I previously realized.

Is it normal behavior to attend a funeral without telling your spouse of 18 years?
Yesterday, I found out through a mutual acquaintance that she saw my husband at a funeral. The funeral was 2 months ago. He never mentioned anything to me either at the time or since.

We've always been open about things up until now. I haven't said I know yet. I have never minded him attending things on his own, so why the omission to tell me?
What do you make of it?

I'd have expected my husband to mention it as we usually share this kind of stuff. But I wouldn't leap to the conclusion that he was being secretive if he didn't tell me - more likely that he forgot or something came up or it was last minute and not that important to him.

Why wouldn't your first response be to say to him "oh X mentioned she saw you at the ABC funeral - I hadn't realised you'd gone".

There must be something else going on here OP that you feel this level of suspicion about what might be just him being forgetful. Or that you wouldn't just simply ask him - why would your asking him result in an argument?

I suspect there is a more to this than just a funeral.

Are you sure it was him this person saw?

I'd make sure it was actually him before getting worked up about it.

How would you have reacted if he told you he was going? What if they had a relationship donkeys years ago, before you met? Would you have made it difficult for him if you knew he wanted to go?

Without knowing the context of your relationship it's impossible to say if he should have told you or not. If it was an old friend, or old flame, and he had reason to think you would give him grief about it, I can see why he just went and kept it quiet. On the other hand, if there was really no reason for him to worry about your reaction it is a bit odd. But if that's the case, you can just ask him about it can't you?

It doesn't sound likely that it was him. If it was, then this is very odd.