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Original poster

wedding invites

144 replies

herwegoagain123 · 04/12/2016 18:04

OMG went for breakfast with ds and gf who are getting married...next year but one......looking at fab v expensive venues so I'm expecting to pay towards it. Anyhoo gf announces that out of the 110 day guests no parents friends will be invited. Wow. So I said I had been invited to my friends children's weddings. To which she said she didn't know them. And so it was left. DS backed her up. FFS how bloody rude. By the way was only looking to invite 4!!!!!!!!
What do you think? I know things might change but bloody hell. DS said his friends were priority. How naïve ?

OP posts:
GravyAndShite · 04/12/2016 21:10

Sorry if it has been asked already but if they lived with you so long how is it possible that she doesn't know these friends of your?

LellyMcKelly · 04/12/2016 21:11

Won't you already have lots of family going? I let my mum invite friends and wish I hadn't bothered. I barely knew them, my husband didn't know them, nobody else knew them, and it was all just a bit silly, having strangers at your wedding,

OohhThatsMe · 04/12/2016 21:11

I wouldn't be able to keep quiet, OP. What about, "So you stayed with me rent free for two years, you're expecting me to pay in the region of £10K for your wedding, MOTB is inviting her friends for the day, yet I can't invite friends of the family that Son has known all of his life? Perhaps you need to rethink this." Then walk out of the room and wait for a response.

GravyAndShite · 04/12/2016 21:15

Then walk out of the room and wait for a response.

How can they respond if you walk of?

MsMarple · 04/12/2016 21:17

I don't think you are unreasonable at all. We paid for our own wedding, and both sets of parents had a table of friends each. Mind you they were all people that had known either me or DH for a while and that we were very glad to see, on the basis that they were genuinely interested in coming to wish us well. MIL had a much bigger list at first that we had to say no to, DH whittled it down considerably by discarding anyone that he wouldn't recognise on the street!

flipflopsindecember · 04/12/2016 21:19

I'm with you Op. Nothing to do with the money but it would a kind gesture to invite a couple of your friends.

Old family friends are often like surrogate relations, in fact I'd much rather have had some of them that distant cousins.

A friend of mine's son is getting married next summer and we've had a lot of fun talking about, including planning the outfit shopping for her. I shall be delighted to accept the invitation and enjoy watching the boy who I first knew at nursery embark on his next chapter.

OohhThatsMe · 04/12/2016 21:21

They would have to respond by messaging her, calling her or calling in to see her. I think she should say something, then go, giving them time to think about it. It prevents an argument, for one thing, and stops everyone saying something they might regret.

OohhThatsMe · 04/12/2016 21:22

Think of Dawn and Pete not being invited to Gavin and Stacey's wedding!

Butterymuffin · 04/12/2016 21:25

They're inviting 120 people yet apparently 4 more, as a kind gesture to the person funding the event to the tune of 10K, is not possible? YANBU, at all.

Personally, I like my parents and like to do things that make them happy, especially when those things don't spoil my own plans in a significant way. That seems very alien to some posters on here.

wobblywonderwoman · 04/12/2016 21:37

My parents invited over 50 and didn't contribute a penny for our wedding. My mother got very manipulative and nasty. Several years later, our relationship has never healed.

But four close friends and a ten grand contribution - yes they should let them come.

Original poster
herwegoagain123 · 04/12/2016 21:43

This thread is definitely bonkers. I had no idea that parents were deemed as selfish to want to invite a few friends. I would have thought it an easy going gesture.
Bloody hell if there's 120 at the day do and more at the night do then I wouldn't be asking a lot.
But if that's what they want then fair enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
herwegoagain123 · 04/12/2016 21:46

And no I wont be manipulative and nasty why would I? I'd just be embarrassed that I couldn't return the generosity of my friends but Id have to get over it.
Some v strange responses may I say.

OP posts:
MyWineTime · 04/12/2016 21:53

How come you think you will be expected to contribute £10k?

And why do you even want to invite some of your own friends to your DS's wedding? Surely there will be more than enough family there for you to talk to. It feels like you want friends there to show off to them or something - I don't understand it.

OohhThatsMe · 04/12/2016 21:54

But for a lot of people, their family friends are closer than family, MyWineTime.

TheItchyAndScratvhyShow · 04/12/2016 21:56

They've asked you for ten thousand pounds? Are you serious?

Kidnapped · 04/12/2016 22:10

"I had no idea that parents were deemed as selfish to want to invite a few friends".

But it isn't your wedding. You are a guest. And guests don't invite other guests. Completely different if your son wanted them there. And he doesn't. He said he wanted to prioritise HIS friends, what with it being his wedding and all. You're really surprised that he wants to invite his friends rather than yours? Seriously?

Like others on here, I am also a bit curious as to how the bride-to-be has never met these lifelong friends when she lived with you for two years.

If you are embarrassed that you can't return the generosity of your friends then have a bash of your own (birthday or something). Push the boat out and have a really expensive do. Then you can return the generosity of your friends and invite who the hell you want. I'm guessing that you would invite your friends and not people that you didn't actually know.

Trifleorbust · 04/12/2016 22:11

watchingthedetectives: The OP has been those things. She kept up the "Oh fine, don't mind me" crap without actually answering the question of whether the people getting married have asked her for money. She is insisting on blaming her DIL when she has been asked why she doesn't blame her own DS. It isn't unreasonable to want to invite some people but she is being very PA about it. If it's "fine" and she "didn't realise it was just their say" then she should just go "Oh okay, I've realised now". But she hasn't. She thinks she has every right to invite people.

Enidblyton1 · 04/12/2016 22:19

Just had to come on here and offer you some support, OP! Can't believe many of the replies on here...

Money aside, all the weddings I've been to have had loads of family friends invited. Seems perfectly normal to me to invite special people who you have known all your life because they happen to be your parents' friends.

I think 4 people out of 120 invited is extremely modest amount. (At our wedding we had 180 people and approx 50 were family friends - often 2/3 generations of the same family - that my husband and I had grown up with).

Notnownornever · 04/12/2016 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notnownornever · 04/12/2016 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/12/2016 22:22

Some v strange responses may I say.

I agree.

AgedRelative · 04/12/2016 22:24

Our wedding was for 80. I assumed we would split the guest list 4 ways. 25% each for PILs, DPs, DH and I. We did not ask for or expect parental contributions. DHs folks wanted to invite 45 people which is a different story but I wanted our day to be about the people who are most important to us all and our families. I think you are expecting far to bloody little and are being taken advantage of.

Trifleorbust · 04/12/2016 22:25

Notnownornever: This is a comment forum where people invite the opinion of others on their problems and dilemmas - I haven't done anything more than give my opinion, which the OP asked for, and ask for clarification of a couple of things, at which point the OP flounced off.

And 'overinvested' is just one of those phrases people seem to chuck at people who disagree with them Confused

Underthemoonlight · 04/12/2016 22:30

You're DS might know them but the bride doesn't know them. I wouldn't want strangers at my wedding either. My Mam asked for her three friends and offered to pay for them ( we had a small wedding 53 to the day and funded it ourselves) but we both knew them and he same with MILs friend and family we both know them very well I think that's the difference here is the bride has no relationship with you're friends. It's you're choice if you contribute but you have no say in the guest list although there was no harm in asking they expressed there wishes and should be respected.

Candlestickchick · 04/12/2016 22:34

I'm getting married next year and its really important to me that our parents have a nice day too. I see things like the weddings of your children as part of the reward for bringing them up! Ultimately we will make the final decisions but I cannot imagine telling someone contributing £10k that they could not have 4 spots.

My family is paying for 50% of the wedding and have not asked for any spots. I invited my parents 4 oldest friends anyway. My DP's parents not given us anything but demanded and are having 20 spots for distant family members who don't give a crap about my DP and don't know I exist. I'm pretty raging about it but I've kept it to myself and let her have her way. OP Your request is very modest and YANBU.